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Thread: Anyone Dating or has Dated a Mama's Boy?

  1. #11
    [QUOTE=bluecastle;7224228]Sorry about all this. Very, very tough stuff.

    You say you don't tolerate toxicity, for example, but from what you've just written I struggle to see that as a truth, since this is high-level toxicity, extending over years of your life, basically the whole of your adulthood and the core fabric of your relationship. If you didn't tolerate it, you wouldn't be wearing the shoes you're wearing.
    You can't replace her, or teach him to relate to her differently, feel different feelings. You don't ever "win" this, in short, and neither does she, since it's not a competition.

    And, as the saying goes, it is what it is.

    Relationships only really work when we can accept what they actually are, not take comfort in how they may change, what fights we may be able to "win," what lessons we can impart to another, how successfully we can guide someone from darkness to light. What you're dealing with with her—and him—is a tsunami of difficulty, but I think the only way to deal with it is to come to terms with it, with the idea that it's what you want, exactly as it is. Perhaps if you were able to articulate what you find appealing about it all—meaning why you like the role you've signed up for—you'd be able to find some version of pe

    Wow! You're so right. Everything that you said is on point. Yes, I can admit that I have tolerated toxicity. I guess apart of me wishes I didn't because I know none of this is healthy. My mother was the same way with my brother. It effected his relationships tremendously. No matter how many times I explain to my mother this is wrong, I cannot change her. She's stuck in her own ways and no matter who comes close to us, she will judge them and push them away.

    I think that's also why we have been together for so long because we have both gone through this. Our families are both over protective. Only difference with mine is, my mom has never called him out of his name or done half of the things his mom has done to me. This all just goes back to what you said, a relationship cannot work if we cannot accept it for what it is.

  2. #12
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Btw I hope your bf is being treated for his bipolar with medication and therapy my father was completely non compliant and I had a horrendous childhood which caused me PTSD, anxiety and panic disorder.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Why haven't you blocked and deleted his mother from your phone? Honestly I doubt you will win this one, his mother. has a huge hold on him that you cant break.

  4. #14
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    Sick relationship. These folks are f*cked up!

    This dude has never had your back and never will. End this now, or it will also make your future a misery.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SarahLove30
    Everything that you said is on point. Yes, I can admit that I have tolerated toxicity. I guess a part of me wishes I didn't because I know none of this is healthy. My mother was the same way with my brother. It effected his relationships tremendously. No matter how many times I explain to my mother this is wrong, I cannot change her. She's stuck in her own ways and no matter who comes close to us, she will judge them and push them away.
    I'm not a therapist, but this? It's kind of the stuff of therapy 101. Seems you might be drawn to all this drama, trauma, and toxicity because it is familiar, and because it represents a way to "win" where in the past, in your own life, you "lost." It's a bit like casting a different set of actors to read the same script, while hoping for a different ending when the credits roll.

    But a script is a script: it is the thing that has to change, or at least be accepted.

    That said, it may really be worth asking yourself, as you're sitting here with something like 50 more years to live, if you want the fabric and foundations of your relationships, romantic or otherwise, to consist of reinforcing and rewarding pain and trauma that is familiar to you, familiar to another. There is a difference, and not a subtle one, from finding and providing emotional refuge—room to grow—and co-creating a world where that which should not be tolerated becomes the norm, the bonding glue that negates growth by validating darkness and labeling it light.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You don't seem to care what he wants. Only acting out your own family issues on him. You are interfering and creating harm and hurt for him. This is about your ego and catfights. It has nothing to do with love or what may be best for him.

  8. #17
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    Did you get a job? Have you sought therapy?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Who supports you? Where do you live? With him? Your family? Why were you apart for 3 mos recently?


    You called his mother a bit**? And this helps his bipolar disorder? It's obvious your attack onhis family hurts him.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 06-20-2020 at 12:27 PM.

  10. #19
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Why haven't you blocked and deleted his mother from your phone? Honestly I doubt you will win this one, his mother. has a huge hold on him that you cant break.
    Oh, I have. That was a few years ago. He broke his phone a few months ago and has been using his mom's phone so I did have to unblock her again but she's not giving me issues anymore. I'm sure she's still getting in his head though without me knowing.

  11. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    If you are planning on having kids this will get a thousand times worse.

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