Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 28

Thread: Trust issue

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    7

    Trust issue

    Hi. I have been in a relationship with a nice man for a year now. He seems very invested in the relationship although for the first few months he moved very slowly. About 6 months into our relationship he went to Las Vegas with friends. He has since admitted that a few of the guys, some married were unfaithful. When I probed him on this he told me that they had used prostitutes. The difference between my guy and the others is that he doesnít drink much alcohol or take any drugs. The reason I probed him Initially on the trip was because I felt uneasy when I saw the guys reaction months later when Vegas was mentioned. They looked uneasy. My head is telling me that he wouldnít have admitted the friends had been unfaithful if he too was but I have had trust issues from previous relationships and it has made me feel uneasy. I remember him on one night messaging me from the trip and telling me to remember how much he liked me and my paranoid brain thought it seemed like odd timing at that time but as I am prone to overthinking I donít know if it is my issue. He swears nothing happened but all guys looked guilty when the trip was mentioned a few months previous. At the time I thought it was my over active imagination that they looked guilty but obviously not. He reckons he looked guilty because his friends wives were there and he knew what had happened on the trip. He is different to his friends in lots of ways and has other groups of friends who wouldnít do this kind of thing. Will I ever know for sure.. should I just put my doubt aside?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,058
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately, you'll never know. This is something he is not going to admit to. You will have to see how things go. Just to be sure, get tested for STDs.
    Originally Posted by Irina88
    About 6 months into our relationship he went to Las Vegas with friends. He has since admitted that a few of the guys, some married were unfaithful. When I probed him on this he told me that they had used prostitutes. Will I ever know for sure.. should I just put my doubt aside?

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    7
    Yes thatís what i thought. Am I right in thinking that itís unlikely he would have told me about his friends if he had done the same? He did tell me after that he didnít enjoy the trip as much as other trips due to the drugs etc that people on it were taking. The prostitutes is something I naively never even thought about. I just remember thinking at the time the message he sent me out of the blue to reassure me the night he got there that he really liked me was a little odd? Am I overreading stuff now?!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,814
    Gender
    Female
    All I'm going to say is if you want to know who a man really is, look at the company he keeps. These are his friends and this is what they do and I doubt it's the first time.

    You will never know if he did something on that trip that time around or not, but....telling yourself that he is soooo different from his friends is quite frankly foolish. We choose our friends by who we are deep down. He isn't different and I don't think you are being paranoid at all. What you are dealing with is your gut is ringing alarms and you are trying to rationalize them away because you like him.

    Given the company he keeps, behind the nice man mask lives a different creature that is not all that nice, you just haven't seen that part yet.

  5.  

  6. #5

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    7
    No if anything I am prone to being paranoid about these things so generally I donít overlook stuff. I suppose I feel that someone is in a different mindset if theyíre not drinking or taking drugs to the friends who were doing that. That sets them apart straight away. He had also told me after the trip that he spent a lot of time in the casinos when the drugs started. This was prior to me being suspicious at all. I think people can have childhood friends and be different to them. I have a female friend who would cheat on her husband but itís not something I would ever do. Yes my heart is with this guy so I donít want to believe it but of course I am still suspicious but I donít think itís as clear cut as u imply..

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,814
    Gender
    Female
    I don't get drunk, I don't take drugs, I don't cheat - you know what else? None of my friend do any of these things either, ever. I don't keep company with people who don't align with my morals and values. Please wrap your head around that. It will help you a lot.

    The thing about drugs especially is that most people have way too much to lose in life to hang around drug users...unless....they are themselves into it.

    Let's say for a moment that he really doesn't do any of those things. Why would he keep friends like that around him and put his life at risk of arrest and jail time as accessory? He is a grown man, he knows the consequences. Only reason is that it props up his ego, makes him feel superior to the "scum" around him. That right there is also really bad news for you. That kind of hidden meanness will eventually come out and bite you in the rear. It still circles back to beneath the "nice man" mask lies a monster.

    I know you don't want to hear this, but....I'm not going to pretend that what he is doing is kosher. It's not and there is no way around that. Sane, normal, healthy people do not keep that kind of company and that's that.

  8. #7

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    7
    Wow thanks for your post. Your thinking is very black and white. Iíll leave it at that.. youíre entitled to your opinion 👍🏻

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,814
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Irina88
    Wow thanks for your post. Your thinking is very black and white. Iíll leave it at that.. youíre entitled to your opinion 👍🏻
    It's not my thinking as such, it's just life experience and the school of hard knocks.

  10. #9

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    7
    Yes but I know for a fact that most of what you said above is untrue. Drugs are definitely not on this guys agenda, nor were they on everyoneís agenda on the trip. For my own reasons I have no doubt about that. I also amnt so self righteous as to refer to people as ďscumĒ.. Damaged yes but scum isnít a word Iíd use to describe another human being

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,481
    Gender
    Female
    What's done is done. Put your doubt aside and observe your partner's actions more closely going forward.

    Constructively, what he's done or not cannot be undone.

    If you keep trying to dig up the past, you'll be missing for signs of what's going on in the present or what's before you right now so keep your eyes peeled and listen to your instincts from now onwards. Don't give in to self-doubt.

    What to look out for are shifts in his support networks and his friendships and who he relates to overall. If you see changes that you can't relate to or aren't a part of your lifestyle, that's when it's time for you to re-evaluate whether it's time to break free and think for yourself/live for yourself.

    You are not required to judge others harshly or pass rude judgment on whom they sleep with or what lifestyle they want to have. You do however owe it to yourself to either sidestep lifestyles and individuals that don't suit you and avoid them if they harm you.

    I think you have a lot of self-doubt and that can also cloud your judgment. Heal yourself and start giving yourself ample time and space to bring in positive influences in your life. If you are experiencing trust issues or have difficulties trusting someone, that's a sign to me that you aren't ready to date. You have to trust yourself. A broken sense of trust means you're having trouble trusting your own instincts and trusting others. Start with yourself. It takes time.

    Start repairing that trust and self-confidence that you don't feel you have right now. Focus on the present and stay alert. Listen to your instincts.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Videos


How To Overcome A Divorce

Love Hormone Oxytocin Improves Stressful Relationships

Forgiveness Does Not Always Solve Relationship Problems

Too Much Commitment Can Destroy Romantic Relationship

Why Is It So Hard To Quit Smoking?

TV Romance Can Ruin Real-Life Relationships
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •