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Thread: Trust issue

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    When I go on vacation with someone, the point of going would be to enjoy the company of a friend while on the trip. If I'm sober and their drunk, it's annoying to hang out with someone in a different mental state. If they go off diddling with someone else, why did I even bother going with them? I could've taken a solo trip.

    If I were you, I'd ask what enjoyment he got from being with these guys on the vacation. After that answer, I'd ask if he plans any further vacations with them. If he said "Yes" after telling you what they did the last time, he doesn't fear losing you as a gf, and in fact might have told you about their escapades to gauge your tolerance level, and to possibly protect himself in case you heard gossip about what went on from someone else.

    If he's been a wonderful bf for a year and has the same dating and life goals as you, it sounds like you're not willing to dump him over this, so start living in the present and enjoy your time together with a wait and see attitude, going into the second year. Your relationship should be deepening and progressing to the next level.

    However, if his guys nights out are out of balance and aren't conducive to a romance, and/or if he says he will in fact partake in future vacations with those unfaithful friends, if it were me, I'd get out of a relationship I can't be comfortable with before I invested anymore time.
    Last edited by Andrina; 06-20-2020 at 10:14 AM.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Was this a bachelor party trip? Have you met his friends and their wives? Do they seem like fools to you?

    It sounds like he's still on "best behavior". That means stories like "everyone was drinking, drugging and hoing, but I was an angel".
    Originally Posted by Irina88
    My head is telling me that he wouldnít have admitted the friends had been unfaithful if he too was but I have had trust issues from previous relationships and it has made me feel uneasy.

  3. #23
    You will only drive yourself insane of trying to figure out the unknown. Whether he did or didn't, this is something that'll probably never come to light if it did in fact happen. I can understand why you feel that way though because why would he want to hang out with people who have no respect for themselves or their marriages, maybe it says a lot about who he is. This isn't always the case. I've had friends who did the same. Cheated on their partners every waking moment. I was opposite of them. I'd never cheat, I couldn't. I valued myself way too much for it and at times I'd get upset with them for doing that and try to change them because of how others viewed me for hanging out with them. So, just because someone hangs out with crummy people doesn't make them crummy too. If you have no proof of something, it's best to let it go otherwise it will consume you and all you're doing is feeding yourself more negativity which will result in more trust issues and lower self esteem. Instead, feed yourself some positivity. Increase that type of energy and you will start to think more positive, act more positive, speak more positive..etc.

  4. #24

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    Yes thank u Sarah. I think this is the best advice. He has a lot of self control and is very much his own person. This is partly what attracted Me to him. Initially I didnít doubt much that he would do something like this as I I always felt he had his own mind and values but I have allowed myself stew on it which yes is making me feel worse about myself. The other guys got married young and he has often commented that their heads are easily turned by a bit of attention whereas he was single for years and Appreciates our relationship probably more so as a result. It was a bachelor party to those asking. He did tell me when he came home that he wonít be rushing to go back there but only mentioned the infidelity recently when probed. He said he was ashamed that I would think less of his friends and him as a result of their actions. I suppose I just need to see what happens but I feel he is a good man and I have never caught him out on lies before.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Irina88
    Will I ever know for sure.. should I just put my doubt aside?
    No, you will not.

    That is the essence of trust, though - being able to believe what your partner tells you, and believing they will behave honorably when you're not around.

  7. #26
    Originally Posted by Irina88
    Yes thank u Sarah. I think this is the best advice. He has a lot of self control and is very much his own person. This is partly what attracted Me to him. Initially I didnít doubt much that he would do something like this as I I always felt he had his own mind and values but I have allowed myself stew on it which yes is making me feel worse about myself. The other guys got married young and he has often commented that their heads are easily turned by a bit of attention whereas he was single for years and Appreciates our relationship probably more so as a result. It was a bachelor party to those asking. He did tell me when he came home that he wonít be rushing to go back there but only mentioned the infidelity recently when probed. He said he was ashamed that I would think less of his friends and him as a result of their actions. I suppose I just need to see what happens but I feel he is a good man and I have never caught him out on lies before.
    Yes, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I think it's a good sign that he is being honest with you. Some people are honest out of guilt, some are honest because they want to build that trust with you. I think he's doing it to build trust with you. He probably already knows you have trust issues as is, and he wants to reassure you that he's not that kind of guy who is out to hurt you. Give him a chance. Enjoy the relationship, have fun together. Be open minded, understanding, and communicate. Don't nag, complain, accuse or allow any of your issues to speak or think for you. This will only drive him away.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    The real trust issue here is his poor choice in friends. When the character of a man is not clear to you, look to his friends. Birds of a feather flock together is another one.

    A moral man is with other moral men because they believe in the same values, have an honorable conscience and integrity. Good men know how to behave properly. Good men know how to be honorable gentleman.

    Your boyfriend is mysterious in a shady, sneaky, deceitful way. He is the type who will betray you. Beware. Something doesn't add up about him.

    No, never cast your doubts aside. Always listen to your gut instincts and intuition because they're always right on the mark. Take heed of those red warning flags in your brain because they're always correct.

    Choose a man who is very decent, honorable and moral. Any other type of man will give you nothing short of grief, misery and endless distrust.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    You're the only one who knows him well enough to decide how much you trust him.

    I find it helpful to set my own private trust meter to a neutral 5 on a scale of 1 through 10 when I meet someone new. Over time I allow them to show me whether to raise my trust or withdraw it.

    So given that nobody has a crystal ball and can tell you what the guy did on his trip, has he raised your trust in him over the last year enough to give him benefit of doubt, or not?

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