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Thread: I'm still struggling...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    What the hell are you doing? Badgering, begging, grovelling, being a pain in the butt. Leave her alone! I think you need some therapy to find out why you would threaten her the way you have, that is just so WRONG. You cannot do that or you will have the cops on your doorstep and a restraining order in your hands. I find you appalling in your treatment of her. She doesn't want you, so leave her alone.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Did you put this in writing to her? If so, she could take it to the police. Get your act together. .
    Originally Posted by Jinstron
    I get so angry i lost it. Threatened her with a smear campaign. To ruin her name at her work. She was so scared she disabled all her social media and changed her phone.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It's time to grow up.

    In the past, I too allowed my emotions to cloud my better judgement and to this day I've regretted what I've written and verbally said. Hindsight is 20 / 20. (Your vision of the situation is always more clear after the fact.)

    Since she has since severed all ties with you given your threats and you can't contact her, become a changed man. Don't do anything, leave her alone and let her live her life in peace. You can't undo the past. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and become a better person in the future with all people whom you interact with. Tread wisely.

    To your credit, you have a conscience which is commendable. You are remorseful and admit fault regarding how your reactions were shameful. A lot of people have zero conscience and they'll never realize why they've alienated others which is far worse IMHO.

    However, be careful in the future. Never threaten people otherwise they'll take legal action against you and do you wish to set yourself up for disaster?

    Remain calm, think clearly, be humble and moral. Think long and hard and you can start anew starting right now. Become a changed man and you will heal your guilt and yourself. Live and learn.

  4. #14
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    "I get so angry i lost it. Threatened her with a smear campaign. To ruin her name at her work." Never threaten anyone; it serves no purpose other than getting you into trouble, possibly even with the law. Granted, you were hurt and angry but it's not the right thing to do no matter how you look at it. OK, so you made this mistake. Don't repeat it. Live and learn, as they say.

    She is definitely NOT a gentle and devoted soul. She sounds like a thoughtless, rude and disrespectful person. Don't be her doormat, Jinstron. Don't allow her to walk all over you. Yes, it hurts that she dumped you for another guy. And then when that didn't work out, she inserts herself into your life. Really??? Don't allow her manipulate you like this. You don't need this drama. Apparently, she has no moral compass and uses people like soiled rags. Doesn't say much about her, IMO. Please, do yourself a big favour and leave her alone. Muster up some self-respect and move on. Some things in life are not meant to be. Focus on healing yourself. With time, you will see that you are better off without people like this in your life. You can do it!

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  6. #15
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    For a very short 2 month LDR you seem to be way way too invested. Losing control and making threats says a lot about YOU, not her. Perhaps it's time to seek professional counselling for anger management and just in general to help you with your issues. Threatening anyone is abusive behaviour. Get help for that.

  7. #16
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    What is it you want from her? Whatever you want or you feel you deserve, isn't going to happen. And I appreciate you being honest on here but dude, I have to say that you just have to stop thinking she owes you anything. She doesn't have to explain her decision to you, she doesn't have to explain why she went on a camping trip, she doesn't have to explain a single thing to you. You two are over. And you have to step back for a moment and think.. is calling her 5 times a day and threatening her good for me or for her? Behavior like that is what a controlling person does and if she saw this trait in you, its probably one of the reasons why she didn't want to be exclusive with you.
    You also have to throw away all promises and plans for the future out the window because it no longer matters. Its like you are holding her to a promise that she no longer is interested in keeping. So you holding on to these future plans or what she said about "our eternal love" has to be forgotten. So let me ask you a question.. Can you see why she doesn't want to be with you? Do you think your behavior had anything to do with it? She said that calling her 5 times is like a stalker and you didn't hear her. You justified it by holding on to past promises.
    I wish I could just say let your anger go, but you have to look at yourself in the mirror and really dig deep and ask why are you so angry? It was a 2 month LDR, she lived in another country and she decided she wanted someone closer and there is nothing wrong with that. You might not like her reasons but you must accept them. So why are you holding on to so much anger? She doesn't owe you a thing, she doesn't owe you an apology, she doesn't have to hold on to her promises and Im going to be honest with you.. Life is just not fair. She doesn't have to wait to find someone until you find someone, she doesn't have to have a mourning period, she can move on to anyone she wants and so can you. She can date multiple guys at once if she wants and you can date all the women you want to.
    the only person holding you back... is you. Not her, YOU. So what are you going to do?

  8. #17
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    I know two wrongs dont make a right but... what about the way she discarded me?

    Is there any other explanation to it besides that it was her true color showing which was something just as inexcusable as my reaction to it?

    See my mind keeps flipping between guilt and vindication because i just cant explain the flip. Never in my years of dating did i see something like it..

  9. #18
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    And you guys raised some excellent points which i just got thru reading.

    Im not angry. Nor am i an angry person. Which is why what i did is such a regret to me.

    Im having hard time letting go because so much was promised and so much invested in my end because of it. And because she made it seem like real love which at my end, it was.

    Right now im chasing the answers to who she was rather than the actual person because i realize i might have been in love with an illusion.

    And we were best friends for a yr before this so its not rlly a quick fling.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Jinstron
    Im not angry. Nor am i an angry person. Which is why what i did is such a regret to me.

    Im having hard time letting go because so much was promised and so much invested in my end because of it. And because she made it seem like real love which at my end, it was.

    Right now im chasing the answers to who she was rather than the actual person because i realize i might have been in love with an illusion.

    And we were best friends for a yr before this so its not rlly a quick fling.
    You can't take big promises seriously when the relationship is still in its infancy, OP. It doesn't matter if you were friends before; you were not a romantic couple. The dynamic is different and you didn't yet know each other as romantic partners. The goalposts change when you start dating someone who was a friend. You have to learn how to take a more measured approach, regardless of what frilly things the other person might be saying. It is a mistake to invest heavily when you've dated such a short time.

    All you can do is apply the lessons you've hopefully learned here in moving forward. Leave her alone now and work on you, because that's what matters most.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Listen OP.

    There are NO answers to the questions with which you are torturing yourself. That's the sum total of it.

    "Right now im chasing the answers to who she was rather than the actual person "

    "..she made it seem like real love "

    The operative word in that sentence is "SEEM".

    It makes NO difference now OP.

    The posters on here are giving you excellent advice and in particular I quote the comments made by Goddess above:

    "She is definitely NOT a gentle and devoted soul. She sounds like a thoughtless, rude and disrespectful person. Don't be her doormat, Jinstron. Don't allow her to walk all over you. Yes, it hurts that she dumped you for another guy. And then when that didn't work out, she inserts herself into your life. Really??? Don't allow her manipulate you like this. You don't need this drama. Apparently, she has no moral compass and uses people like soiled rags. Doesn't say much about her, IMO"

    Don't allow her to continue living inside your head.

    One would ask here. Why the desperation OP for this one individual? You were hoodwinked, and you aren't the first or the last to have that happen to him.

    You can do better and there are plenty of other people in the world.

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