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Thread: I regret opening up my issues to my boyfriend

  1. #1
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    I regret opening up my issues to my boyfriend

    last night me and my boyfriend were playing a game together online while we were on call, it was late at night. We werent fighting or anything but he said something that triggered me wherein he said how he loves how I keep my promises on how I dont easily give up on our relationship. It seems like a sweet thing to say to your partner but to me it seems sweet but it made me remember countless times as to how many times my boyfriend proceeded to constantly break up with me before whenever we have a fight.

    When I heard him say that, I said to him as how I wish he can apply that to himself too, it didnt seem like an argument so he just took it lightly while I make petty remarks about the things he did while we were still playing together. He eventually got sleepy and went to bed first, but before he slept he can really tell that something was bugging me and we had a small argument but since he was too tired he left the call due to just being sleepy and irritated.

    By the time he's asleep I explain was one sided of me toed to him how y I was to him that night and the things we fought about before still bother me because of how easy it was for him to leave me and that I wanted us to discuss it by the time he wakes up. By the time he woke up he said to me that we should call about this. When we were on call he started getting angry as to why i messaged him those things, and how I make it seem like it its one sided when i bring those up. Eventually our big fight led to him blocking me in all social medias again, telling me he's done with me, and him making his phone unreachable for calls.

    In our relationship I often question myself if I was mostly the problem in the relationship, many reasons why in the past he constantly wants to break up with me was because of the mistakes i did before wherein i was too needy and demanding of his attention. I do admit that having those traits can drain someone out but knowing my boyfriend before, he resorts everything to anger and shutting people out who "hurt" him. But he has also shown actions where its often a sign where I can just leave him in the dumps, mostly him cursing at me before and saying some things that can make a person question their capabilities.

    When I expressed to him last night in his messages how Im still not okay with the fact that in the past he used to breakup up with me a lot in our fights and how it scares me that he might break up with me again that easily if we ever argue again, I expected that he could at least understand as to why im bringing those things up because to me they are still unresolved. But instead he had to make it seem like the things i said to him on chat were a rebuttal to his little debate.

    Am I wrong for addressing an issue that still bothers me in our relationship? I just wanted him for once to be more understanding and show compassion in situations like these where I feel like I need reassurance in our relationship. This is one of many reasons why I dont share my problems with him like he would to me, I very much feel like being vulnerable towards him is a crime and can result to fights.

  2. #2
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    I once had a partner go radio silent on me for 10 days, TEN DAYS!

    Never again, being blocked after an argument is a really poor way to communicate your unhappiness and would absolutely trigger my anxieties. It's not an attribute I want in a partner. Dump that ****** ***

  3. #3
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    When I started reading what had happened it all seemed very familiar and yes, you posted at the end of May about the same sort of problems. The general advice you received was that you are in a bad relationship and that you need to get out in order to preserve what's left of your self-esteem. I doubt you are going to be told anything different this time around, to be honest.

  4. #4
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    If someone would rather break up with you than resolve issues that are normal within a relationship then allow them to break up with you and do NOT allow them to return.

    You have allowed him to return without any resolution of arguments in the past , you need to accept your responsibility in that.

    You absolutely should be able to discuss your feelings with a partner and argue about them without the fear of being dumped for it. And when you are dumped for it , it is essentially him invalidating your feelings and making you feel worthless and disposable.

    Unfortunately for you , you have gone back every time , In an attempt to feel worthy again and loved.
    But with each time you get disposed of so easily , like now, further damage is being done to your self esteem.

    The good news is that YOU can take back control of your own self worth but you can only do this by losing him.
    He treats you so poorly and you accept it time and time again. Why?

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Arguments disagreements are common in relationships.
    if one or the other takes it to breakup or makes the other feel like so, its an indication there have been some unresolved issues in past either childhood or growing up experiences.
    If he understands this then he will need to sort himself out as he cant handle it himself.
    Maybe a therapist can help here.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stop arguing so much, especially when you are beating a dead horse. He is nasty and abusive and you keep trying to fix him.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by seanelly
    .

    Am I wrong for addressing an issue that still bothers me in our relationship? I just wanted him for once to be more understanding and show compassion in situations like these where I feel like I need reassurance in our relationship. This is one of many reasons why I dont share my problems with him like he would to me, I very much feel like being vulnerable towards him is a crime and can result to fights.
    Where you are wrong is expecting a person to be someone they are not.

    He is not understanding and compassionate.

    He does not meet your needs. Find someone else. He treats you like crap and you let him.

  9. #8
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    The problem isn't that you opened up to him.

    The problem is that you have a loser boyfriend who you expect to change. He's not going to. He's shown you repeatedly that you mean little to him, and he treats you poorly.

    This isn't going to get better. Expect more of the same, or find a new boyfriend.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Is this an online relationship or do you see each other in person?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    The problem doesn't lie within him anymore....the problem is with you. You keep beating a dead horse. He is the way he is...stop trying to make sure he feels your hurt...he doesn't care and this is going nowhere. get off the pot and dump this guy already. I told you a month ago get some self worth, and move on. You can do way better than this...stop driving your emotions into into the ground, it's so not worth it!

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