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Thread: I regret opening up my issues to my boyfriend

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm not sure I'm understanding clearly. Are you saying you sent him serious texts about what bothered you about the relationship while he was asleep? I don't think you have to swing to deep regret. There's a reason why it spilled out this way. Take a look at things more closely. Don't keep feeling upset, opening up, beating yourself up over it and swinging from one extreme to another.

    I think it's also a good idea to think beyond the resentment and the emotion behind what you're feeling. What do you hope the outcome will be from a heart to heart conversation about the past? Are you looking for acknowledgment and remorse from him? Do you want to hear an apology? What can both of you do that will satisfy you and make amends for the past?

    It's normal to war within yourself and wonder whether a person is good for you. Sometimes that conversation is a solo conversation and a journey to be had alone. There may actually be nothing that the other person can do to make you feel better about the way a relationship is or the way a dynamic is. Take a good look at his traits. If you can't trust him or the trust is broken, reconsider whether being together is hurting the both of you more than it's providing any positives. Are you in this relationship out of loneliness or fear being alone? Is it out of convenience?

    Forgiveness comes with time. Trust, once broken, is hard to put back together. If you can't trust his decisions or judgment, I don't think you have a leg to stand on. You'll be walking on eggshells around this person wondering when the next time he'll flare up and break up with you or block you all over. Decide what's best for you and what kind of outcome you want for yourself in the people and relationships around you.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your boyfriend has a communication problem which is alarming. He doesn't want to discuss and resolve any issues with you. He's uncomfortable answering your questions or doesn't know what to say to you. Some people are inept when it comes to having a discussion. They don't have the desire to put concerted, sincere effort into healing the relationship. This applies to everyone whether it's a relationship, friendship, marriage, family relationships, etc. Both sides have to want it and have the emotional intelligence to make the relationship succeed or at least make amends.

    Your boyfriend lacks emotional maturity. I've observed this in several people in my life. Some people only want the basics in life which is food, superficial conversations, everyday life such as errands, appointments, work, maintaining their households, social activities or contacts and repeat. They only want simple peace and if there are any issues, it's YOUR problem, not theirs. It's a very selfish mindset when they don't care about how you feel. It's all about them and their convenience. They don't want you to disrupt nor complicate their lives with whatever concerns you. Remember that. Their brains can only handle the simplest routines and should you dig deeper than that, forget it. You might as well talk to a wall because this is all you're going to get. Or, they'll verbally attack you or in written form. Either way, it's all bad.

    Some people want you to just keep your mouth shut, never complain and if you're outspoken, they'll shut you down. They'll control and manipulate you. Beware. I avoid these "red flag" type people just like the COVID-19 plague!

    You need to question if you see a future with your boyfriend or if he's only temporary.

    I've known people who don't know how to carry on a mature, CALM discussion like two adults. They behave aggressively with hanging up on you in the middle of your phone conversation, blocking you, gaslighting you (Google gaslighting), sending you nasty texts, message or emails and the whole dirty lot. You can't reason with some people. It's just the way it is in this life.

    Either accept your boyfriend the way he is or choose a man who knows how to communicate with you INTELLIGENTLY and CALMLY. This is the type of man you should have. Any other man is difficult and incompatible.

  3. #13
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    When I started reading what had happened it all seemed very familiar and yes, you posted at the end of May about the same sort of problems. The general advice you received was that you are in a bad relationship and that you need to get out in order to preserve what's left of your self-esteem. I doubt you are going to be told anything different this time around, to be honest.
    I second this post. OP, nothing has changed. What more needs to happen and how many more fights will it take for you to finally recognise that he's a loser and that this "relationship" is just not working? Is your self-esteem so low that you need to stay in such misery? Do yourself a huge favour and end things already. You can do a lot better.

  4. #14
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    Unfortunately, I can relate to all of this. It can and will continue to cycle. He may decide to unblock you and talk again but, mostlikely, the core of the problem won't get solved. Don't let it get swept under the rug. The best thing you can do for yourself is take this time to move on. I know that sounds painful because you really rather him care enough to work through the problems rather than withdraw but he is not capable of doing so. You're seeing a pattern here. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear and say that he'd apologize and be understanding and that he won't leave but look what he did again. He left! Real mature conversations would've involved him not blocking you and not getting in a heated argument but truly listening to you regardless of his views. I know how you feel. I've been with a guy a whole year like this and we lived together! He will continue to take advantage of you being so caring and forgiving while he knows he has the advantage of shutting you out whenever he's unhappy. It's not fair or respectful to you. A healthy relationship involves effort on both parts!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Tell your parents, a trusted adult, teacher, doctor, etc. that you are in an abusive situation. Read up on teen dating red flags. It's been 7 months of chronic combat and on off issues. This is not normal or healthy. TELL AN ADULT ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    What happens every time you complain to this guy? He's not receptive, he shuts down, he ditches you.

    You take him back. Then you complain again. He does the same thing.

    What is it that you expect to change about this situation?

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