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Thread: My boyfriend wants to be a cop and it scares me

  1. #11
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Actually being a sworn officer is not that dangerous compared to a lot of other occupations. Check the statistics.

    In 2015 over 700 road construction workers were killed on the job, 68 of those in California. In fact most officers die on the job from traffic accidents then any other cause.

    Is it the safest job? Certainly not but it is far from the most dangerous.

    If he is wanting to be a police officer for all the right reasons then why not support him. It can be a very rewarding career with great benefits for your future family. If he continues his schooling he could rise through the ranks and make serious money and retire at 50.

    Educate yourself with facts before you worry to much.

    Lost

  2. #12
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lostandhurt
    Actually being a sworn officer is not that dangerous compared to a lot of other occupations. Check the statistics.

    In 2015 over 700 road construction workers were killed on the job, 68 of those in California. In fact most officers die on the job from traffic accidents then any other cause.

    Is it the safest job? Certainly not but it is far from the most dangerous.

    If he is wanting to be a police officer for all the right reasons then why not support him. It can be a very rewarding career with great benefits for your future family. If he continues his schooling he could rise through the ranks and make serious money and retire at 50.

    Educate yourself with facts before you worry to much.

    Lost
    Yup. I think it's more dangerous being a pizza delivery guy than it is an LEO. Not to dismiss how difficult the job definitely is doubling as both an enforcer and essentially an untrained social worker. Simply that extrapolating localized tallies into a national context is largely the reason we've got police treating every shift like a COIN op, which sucks for pretty much everyone, them obviously included.

    So as far as staying up worried, that much would be on you. As far as abusive households go, no, it's not really a myth. Multiple studies show domestic abuse is anywhere between 24% and 40% more prevalent in police households. A good chunk of that has to do with PTSD, but PTSD often manifests itself in destructive and, yes, sometimes abusive ways. It's not a knock on police just for being born destined to beat their spouses. As a former troop, I know full well that veteran households experience much more abuse on average. I don't take offense to it. If anything, it keeps me motivated to make sure I keep myself in check and healthy, and I'd like to think to the point I'm a safer bet than a non-veteran spouse would be. So more than it being a chance you end up in an abusive marriage, I'd say it's how much faith you have in him taking care of himself with the resources provided. Basically, if he's got a track record of not looking after his mental health, then that's when it'd be a concern of mine.

    All that said, getting accepted into a police academy is very difficult. The pool of qualified applicants often exponentially exceeds the number of openings. I don't know your boyfriend's credentials, but if he's not a military veteran, and preferably one with a degree in criminology or some other behavioral science, his resume will likely be at the bottom of the pile. Who knows with the climate now how competitive it will be, so I definitely won't say "never." But I can say if you can bring yourself to be open about it, it very well may turn out he'd end up having to choose another path anyhow.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Encourage him to volunteer a local police station or with a local community watch, mingle around other administrative staff and officers and get to know them. He can ask them and inquire about what it's like working in enforcement.

    He has to discover this on his own. Give yourselves time to grow also and be more established in your careers. His explorations will also give you time to explore your own career and start developing an idea of the kind of person you want to grow into.

    In the meantime, when you come together and have your couple's time, reinforce positive affirmations and encourage each other to excel and accomplish your goals. Have a time out from the career talks and enjoy your romance. Having work creep into a relationship is a slow way to kill the relationship or overwhelm it.

    Have confidence in each other. That starts with yourself though. Work on your own confidence and enjoy what you're doing with your career and your future. What he does is not dependent on what you choose for yourself or vice versa. Grow.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Focus on your own degree and your own professional aspirations. He's just thinking aloud and already you are in panic mode with abuse! suicide!, etc etc.

    "Talking about" is not marriage, it is not engagement, it is not living together, it is not having kids.

    You are way too controlling and want YOUR vision of your barbie doll house that he Must fit into. He is not your Ken doll to mold and shape into what you need to feel less anxious. Stop nagging him.
    Originally Posted by rototrack
    have talked about marriage and children and our future etc.

    he has been having a really hard time trying to figure out what he wants to do after he graduates.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Indeed OP.

    There is a "walking on eggshells" feeling about all this too. Not just as you said earlier "my boyfriend tends to get a little defensive".

    But on another occasion:

    "I don't want to accidentally upset him by trying to make things better." and

    "I don't want him to take it the wrong way".

    In any case you remarked in your OP that he has finally decided on this career path. So, nothing more to be said, is there. What do you intend to do?

    Maybe it is time to stand back from the relationship so that you can see more clearly.

  7. #16
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    Cheer him on. I know lots of cops that have families -- from cops in sleepy little towns that only have to deal with stolen garden gnomes and there are cops that protect the innocent daily - they have kids and wives.

    If that is his dream - then don't squealch it. either be supportive or leave.

  8. #17
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    Moving to a small town would be hard, my current job relies on my living near a bigger town or city, and our family lives in a decent sized town and we both agree we'd want to live near our family. Also, as for a teacher, I think that he would be a great teacher, but his mom is a teacher and she's preached to him so many times not to be one that I don't think I could even attempt to convince him.

  9. #18
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    It depends on what demographic group he plans on helping. I agree being a teacher is not easy. I own my own daycare and my sister-in-law is a grade two teacher. It is rewarding but damned hard work .

    If heís not looking on helping kids thatís not gonna be of any use to him.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's not your job to be his career counselor.
    Originally Posted by rototrack
    I think that he would be a great teacher, but his mom is a teacher and she's preached to him so many times not to be one that I don't think I could even attempt to convince him.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Once again, OP, it is not up to you to convince him to be anything. If he wishes to become a policeman then so be it.
    Whether his mother dissuaded from entertaining the idea of being a teacher or not is completely beside the point. In passing I don't think any poster advised here that you move to a small town.
    Policemen work in many capacities, in huge cities, in towns, in rural areas, depending on where they are stationed.

    Bottom line is: what do you wish to do.

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