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Thread: Too serious, too early?

  1. #1

    Too serious, too early?

    Hi everyone, excited to be joining your community!

    I'm 25 y.o. male. I'm introverted and can be shy around people I do not know maybe that's why I don't have much experience. Half a year ago, my current girlfriend came into my life. Before meeting her, I only had one relationship which was pretty toxic. The girl I met is three years younger than me and about as experienced. Initially, we both went on Tinder without looking for anything serious. However, we cannot tell our hearts whom to love.

    After we dated for a month, the quarantine came. We decided to get locked up together at my place. That was an entirely new experience for me. I never lived with other people except my parents for so long. My first sex happened during that time. We had a lot of fun. We cooked together, played board games, went out to play ping-pong, traveled to other cities when the quarantine permitted. We explored sexual life together. It was going well. She turned out to be a sweet, easy-going person whom I feel I can trust. In the household matters, we were able to live with each other in peace and always found a common ground.

    Six weeks of living together went by. I felt something was off. I was missing my old life alone. I was missing the time of lying on my bed, watching youtube videos, masturbating to porn. These seemingly wasteful activities, turns out, were vital to my work and life, as I used to relax and think my life through while doing them. I started to feel like my life is falling apart. It all went from zero to 100 too fast.

    When I told her I want to break up, I expected her to break into tears. Instead, she was asking questions, in a very calm, though sad, voice. We talked. We agreed that the problem is not the relationship but a lack of personal space. She was ready to give me it. We started to live with each other for half a week only. When we see each other, we travel, have fun, get sexually adventurous, play games. And when she's not here, I can go back to my introverted self, focus on getting my life in order and doing work.

    During the time I've been knowing her, I came to know her as a sweet, smart, caring, cute person I can trust. I feel comfortable around her if I get the me-time once in a while. She frequently gives me wise advice. I think we love each other we certainly say so to each other.

    The paradise is not going to last, however. In a month, her internship is over and she will go to study on the other side of the world. It will take her two years to complete her studies and we are not sure how it is going to work for us but she says she's ready to wait.

    I have a problem, however. With time, I started to look more and more at other girls. One side of me loves my girlfriend. The other half of me wants to sleep around with random women at loud parties. One side of me wants to build something we both can call home with my girl. The other side wants to take a vacation and date around at exotic resorts.

    I may be shy and introverted but I'm also young and super-eager to explore around. I want that thrill of playing the game, exploring different people, going to bed with a stranger. I do not want to settle down yet. When my girl is not around, I install Tinder again. I do not chat with anyone but I swipe and look at the pictures and fantasize. I keep telling myself that this is wrong and I won't find much more in other women, so there is little to explore. But I don't believe it. I can't help it. I want it.

    One side of me doesn't want to lose a good person. The other side doesn't want to lose several years of my youth. It just became too serious, too early, and I'm not sure what to do. Any thoughts? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Bronze Member
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    Originally Posted by NosySailor
    I have a problem, however. With time, I started to look more and more at other girls. One side of me loves my girlfriend. The other half of me wants to sleep around with random women at loud parties. One side of me wants to build something we both can call home with my girl. The other side wants to take a vacation and date around at exotic resorts.
    You do not want to be in a monogamous relationship at this moment, and that is fine. Before you venture into the murky area of emotional cheating or actual cheating because "you can't help it," be honest with yourself and with her. Don't string her along especially if you will be long distance.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Well she's going on with her life, so just end it. It will give you time to explore and mature.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Instead of sabotaging it why not agree to break up in the most mature way possible.
    She will be gone for 2 years after all.
    You both seem like level headed young people.
    End this on a high note and if it's meant to be you can find your way back to each other in a couple years.
    That won't happen if you burn that bridge.
    Either way you get your freedom. But if shes willing, you don't slam the door completely shut on something that may have potential down the road.

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