Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20

Thread: I'm crushed, he said Please give me time

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    25

    I'm crushed, he said Please give me time

    Ok so a little background. I have a friend who I have known for roughly 7 years, who is a widow of just approaching 3 years. After his wife’s passing, we because very close friends, not uncommon for him to remind me how much he loves me & how important I am in his life etc. One thing I did not always agree on is that he started to date a woman very shortly after his wife passed, but we all grieve in our own ways. The girlfriend a& his relationship was either good or just plain out bad. Finally he said enough and officially ended it, to the point he had to block her on his cell phone (yea, he showed me he did). We both knew, even when they were dating that we had an undeniable attraction & bond to one another, but left it alone. Over the past year, it had gotten much stronger, and I took a leap of faith and went for it. Went for it as in dating. I was a bit skeptical about the ex, but it seemed like she was officially out of the picture. Over the past 2 months him and I have been doing lots together, we have more in common than you can imagine, and compliment one another well. I have met his friends, and work associates who all seemed thoroughly impressed. We share some friends in common and the feedback on their opinions on me certainly were a boost to the self esteem. So last weekend we did dinner a couple of nights, and were intimate (not the first time). I was on cloud nine the next day thinking “wow, this is starting to feel really good, we seem to be continuing forward nicely etc” SO I shot him a quick text the next morning to thank him for cooking me dinner & that I had a great time with him. He responded he did as well, so I pushed the envelope a little further and slightly flirted with him. He didn’t respond, which I didn’t give much thought to as I know guys can be flakey with texting, but was also slightly cautious at the fact that he didn’t acknowledge that. Later on that evening I was out for a walk in our complex, and ran into him. He seemed a little standoffish but said he just had a busy day. I questioned him about my flirty text to him and he responded back in a good way. We chatted briefly then parted ways as I had an appointment to go on. Later on that evening he texts me that he enjoys spending time with me, but cannot be intimate with me, he is sorry & hopes I understand. OF COURSE I DON’T UNDERSTAND. So I called him as my brain couldn’t exactly make sense of what was going on. He was in a horrible mood – a side of him I never saw before, he felt bad all day because we were intimate (this wasn’t exactly the first occurrence of being intimate either), he said it has nothing to do with me, that I did absolutely nothing wrong it is all on him, he has too much going on right now, his late wife’s anniversary is coming up in a few days, he is a mess, he is not over the ex (!?), and he needs time to clear his head.
    I was, well crushed.
    Saw him two days later when I was out for a walk, and he was walking to his car, blatantly ignored me, got into his car and waved as he passed by. I was furious. I texted him immediately saying I will return the glass of his (he gave it to me to keep at my place for when he comes over) & never in a million years think that I would lose a friendship with him. He replied back immediately that he can’t talk, he is not in a good place, his parents came in (they drove 1,200 miles to be here) and “Please give me time” ok fine, so I reeled myself back in and said I understand, and if he ever needs anything to know I will always be there for him. (& no I won’t throw out the glass, it was from a family trip with him & his children and late wife, I am not that cold of a person to do that)
    Yesterday I saw him get out of a car to do something, and if I didn’t know better I would almost think it was his ex’s car. I am not positive it was her car, but think that it was. Of course I cannot go and ask him that either. So that is weighing on me too.
    As of today it is 3 days that I have not heard from him, nor have I reached out. I cannot imagine the pain him & his family are going through leading up to and the day of his wife’s passing. But I am also not sure if he called it quits because he is genuinely disinterested in me, just not in a good place right now due to the pending anniversary and spoke out of fear, anger, emotions going crazy, or is he not over his ex - I think that is what bothers me the most is if she is back in the picture...
    I feel like a mess & am not sure if I will hear from him again. I hope I do, if anything I would never wanted to lose a friendship & we both made that clear from the beginning, but I do know he is currently not in a good place & it makes me sad knowing there is nothing I can do, nor does he want me to.

    I feel empty & keep hoping to hear from him, gosh I hope I do....

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    14,398
    Is this the same man?
    [Register to see the link]

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,119
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. It has nothing to do with you. He seems all over the place and not in a place to date or have a relationship. Step back.
    Originally Posted by RunnerGrlX
    he said it has nothing to do with me, that I did absolutely nothing wrong it is all on him, he has too much going on right now, his late wife’s anniversary is coming up in a few days, he is a mess, he is not over the ex (!?), and he needs time to clear his head.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    25
    No it is not. Man referring to above I have known for 7 years. He even gave me tips on dating him at the time being he went through the same thing.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    25
    What bothers me the most is the ex factor. I have been with him through each and every breakup & they just got uglier and uglier. I posted out his faults during this times and hers were well, quite shocking.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,119
    Gender
    Male
    Perhaps you dodged a bullet. This sounds like a red flag:
    Originally Posted by RunnerGrlX
    I have been with him through each and every breakup & they just got uglier and uglier.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,707
    I’m sorry, OP. I know it hurts when you feel like he’s done a rapid 180.

    Whether it’s his ex-girlfriend or late wife (or some combination thereof), you’ve just learned you two are not on the same page. It is going to be best to take a big step away from him. He’s not relationship material for you.

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    25
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Perhaps you dodged a bullet. This sounds like a red flag:
    It’s more on her & I do hate saying that. I truly tried to look at both sides when they’d be going through it, but wow, she really took the cake with her antics & some of it I did witness firsthand & politely excused myself from it. Definitely awkward when everyone leaves a social gathering (well when we could do that) because of what she’d pull. It was sad.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,198
    "and if he ever needs anything to know I will always be there for him."

    Don't do this. He did not treat you well, as does not deserve your shoulder. You deserved better.

    It sounds like he went back to the ex. Time to disappear.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,140
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by RunnerGrlX
    It’s more on her & I do hate saying that. I truly tried to look at both sides when they’d be going through it, but wow, she really took the cake with her antics & some of it I did witness firsthand & politely excused myself from it. Definitely awkward when everyone leaves a social gathering (well when we could do that) because of what she’d pull. It was sad.
    Yes, well the part you are missing is that he picked her and decided to date her and that's entirely on him. He makes these toxic choices and you are a shoulder to cry on and vent to. Damaged people chose damaged people.

    If you take a step back, you'll realize that not only is he not relationship material, but he might not be that great of a friend either.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •