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Thread: He says I'm moaning & I want to know what you think

  1. #1

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    He says I'm moaning & I want to know what you think

    Where to start. Im currently pregnant with our first child, third trimester. My husband has always been what I would call unreasonable at times (his close family are also aware of this temperament). Now that we are expecting I appreciate that my senses are heightened and I am most likely more aware of issues that had been pre-pregnancy.
    I'll go with the most recent example of what is currently happening. Due to corona we have been disinfecting plastic deliveries before we bring them fully into the house. My husband, now on multiple occasions keeps saying antibac right over the cats food and water bowls. I have asked him on these multiple occasions to please be careful because its dangerous for her to ingest it. This morning he does it again except this time the poor cat is mid-eating and gets frightened. I react to this and say something along the lines of " look you've literally just sprayed the cat, how many times have I said to be careful of the cat bowls" his reaction to this was to say im always moaning, and to get rid of the cat. (Weve had the cat for 2 years, she's not a problem, and he wanted the cat as much as me so he wasn't bullied into getting the cat etc) Now yes I have raised this issue multiple times, because he continues to do it. I want to know if that indeed does make me part of the problem or if my husband is actually just being unreasonable? In my head, I see it that he wouldn't be 'moaned at if he just didn't do what he's been warned about. I see it as a simple solution. Additionally i don't see how my request to not put the cat in danger is a unreasonable request.

    I just want to know if i'm the one not being reasonable here or whether he does in fact have a twisted reaction.

    This is just one example out of many similar, and quite frankly I'm growing sick of it and getting increasingly overwhelmed by the idea that he will be fathering our child when currently I feel like he is still a child. (Again please correct me if you can see another side to this, I want to be wrong tbh!)

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    This is just me but if he did it again I would spray Lysol in his food if he complains tell him to stop moaning. If he doesnít realize that itís dangerous to spray lysol near a petís food I donít know what youíre going do with him.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    First, I'd move the cat's bowls. And you can't just "get rid" of animals. That is completely wrong IMO. It's a commitment for the animal's life. So right there. I'm already getting a bad opinion.

    If your hubs was always like this, why did you marry him? Serious question.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Pick your battles. Move the cat food out of the way. Unfortunately, you seem to have deeper issues with his personality and his family, but you are focusing on easily resolved trivia instead.
    Originally Posted by Kwinto
    Im currently pregnant with our first child, third trimester. My husband has always been what I would call unreasonable

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He seems desensitized and resentful. I agree with moving the cat food and water to another corner for the time being. Is there a reason why he appears cruel or would say those cruel things about the cat?

    There usually is very good reason why that person is behaving that way or why that person has made it a habit to react in cruel or insensitive ways towards others. He/she may be feeling incredibly low (low self-esteem), resentful due to issues with trust (feeling distrustful), burdened (high stress). Has your communication with each other broken down where you can't speak with each other openly? Try spending some one on one time together that doesn't involve errands or things that need fixing or changing in the house. Talk about yourselves and bring the tension down.

    The more you concentrate and focus all that anger and vitriol at someone, the worse the situation gets. I think you should look into trying to bring down those anger levels. It's not good for baby or you. Go back to your reasons for marrying this person or being with this person. Go back to the good memories and not the ones involving cat bowls. Zoom out of the situation and take a breather. Take care of your health and your marriage. Trust does break and marriages do end. They are much more fragile than we imagine so tread with care.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 08-08-2020 at 10:48 AM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    I ask exactly the same question as Lambert

    "If your hubs was always like this, why did you marry him? Serious question."

    As you say OP:

    " My husband has always been what I would call unreasonable at times (his close family are also aware of this temperament"

    and

    "....getting increasingly overwhelmed by the idea that he will be fathering our child when currently I feel like he is still a child.

    Very disquieting, OP.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Mt first thought was - move the cat's bowls! I have a cat and would never let that happen to him. Getting rid of the cat is a ridiculous solution to what should be easy to resolve.

    Why did you marry this insensitive jerk? You are not the problem, he is.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Simple....move the bowls. Cats don't care where they eat. If the kitchen is too small, put them in the dining room under an end table so no one trips on them.

    As for your husband, he has coping issues. When he gets flustered, touch his hand gently and tell him you can handle it from here, and suggest he go sit and relax, have a beer or whatever. He needs to learn to remove himself from the situation in order to snap himself out of it. Over time he will learn. Me I just give my husband a piece of bacon and tell him to do something else.

  10. #9
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    Why did you get involved/ pregnant with this jerk?

    I feel sorry for the animal. Move the bowls.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do the spraying yourself and manage the cat food/bowls yourself. Decide if you want a cat food area, covid or a husband. Since you seem to complain about all of it. It's strange that you are around and toxic sprays while pregnant.
    Originally Posted by Kwinto
    My husband, now on multiple occasions keeps saying antibac right over the cats food and water bowls.s

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