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Thread: Asking permission/approval

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Wow, your wife is extremely inconsiderate and disrespectful. I wouldn't tolerate her behavior at all. No way. My husband and I would NEVER do that to each other.

    You need to learn to say "NO" to being an instant babysitter and constantly being left out of the loop. Your wife either needs to start including you with her cycling activities with her friend or limit her time with her friend AND her friend is completely responsible for providing childcare or babysitting services and the babysitter is NOT you!

    As for the instant house guest, "Jane," again, you need to put your foot down and say, "NO." It's your house, too.

    Have an at length discussion with your wife which means turn off all phones, TV, computers, music, etc. Have zero distractions and concentrate on having a discussion regarding this problem which is very damaging to your new marriage.

    Yes, this is a big deal and you have every right to squawk. Your situation is ABNORMAL. You're NOT being sensitive. Your wife is incredibly UNREASONABLE. Hope you can resolve this.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Weird question, I know, but: Do you like your wife? Do you think she likes you?
    I liked the rest of what you wrote, very eloquently put... but to answer this question, yeah I do. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy. She has thyroid issues so can have some pretty bad mood swings, but on her medication she's lovely. It is difficult for me because I've never lost my temper, ever... never even raised my voice. I don't drink, and I am quite introverted... so around 99% of people when they lose their temper, or get drunk, it is difficult for me because I have to pass these things off as normal things that I don't understand, and have to try to empathise with etc. We're different, but I love her... and I do think it is a smoothing out of each other's edges sort of deal.


    As for the emotional rant, her friend picked up my cat a bit rough... I know, it's petty, but I love that cat. I've never really forgiven her! - the rest (her being a bit easy etc) is honestly more pity than anything... one of those people you look at and can see all the mistakes they make but can't see them themselves. I'll fully admit my stupidity on this one. I'm exaggerating my disapproval of her over one aspect because of something completely unrelated. Still, aaaaaaaaaalllllllllllll that aside, she was still invited without consulting me so it's kinda neither here nor there (but yes, petty!).


    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    It seems like you knew who you are marrying and that you are attracted to that "excitement" she brings on.
    You're right, and that's why I asked whether this was all just 'me'? If a priest married a stripper he shouldn't be able to complain about what she did for a living as he knew full well

  3. #23
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    OP says:

    "I'm open for ideas as to how I can demonstrate it to her"

    If plain talking and telling her right out isn't working, I have no idea what other "demonstration" might work.

    I suppose you could take off for X number of days to wherever and simply not announce your plans. Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander, so to speak.

    Then on your return bring in a few dodgy acquaintances into the house that you picked up along the way on your unannounced X days' outing.

    See what happens.

    Problem is, she doesn't take you seriously.

    God help your naive heart, OP!

    "..and I do think it is a smoothing out of each other's edges sort of deal."

  4. #24
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    This is a question for another post... but how do you deal with those people that never make the first move in resolving arguments? Obviously everyone thinks they're right in an argument, otherwise it's more of an educational instruction than a disagreement... but take this as an example:

    I have been in the study working since 9 am... she knows I'm upset, she clearly remembers the moment I got upset because it was the last thing we spoke about. She has come up several times asking what we are doing about lunch (I said I'm not hungry), dinner (also not hungry) ((it's amazing how being upset can turn off your appetite!))... and she has also pointed out that I'm 'moody'...

    ...but does she not see what she did was wrong?... if she does, why is she not addressing it, if she doesn't, is that worse?

    What do you do when one person is always the one 'caving' to approach the other to resolve an argument?

    Hopefully me acknowledging this fact merely makes me the 'stubborn one' rather than the 'ignorant' and/or 'petty' one (whichever is worse).

    I'm mid 30s... life is frustrating... somethings you look at things and wonder how can this be happening?...is this not obvious? (although I tend to let dishes drip-dry and this annoys her, so maybe I too am guilty of missing the obvious common-sense things in life!)

    I'm rambling

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    OP.

    No further ruminating or asking "how can this be happening".

    Resentment will build up, and I ask how does this look to you over the next 40 years? Or more?

    In brief, what are you going to do? Simple question.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    OP. In brief, what are you going to do? Simple question.
    I wish I knew... it's easy for people to look at a relationship from the outside and say that's crazy, I wouldn't put up with that, end it etc... but would any relationship last if those impulses were always acted upon.

    I want her to come up here and acknowledge what she did... to apologise... all would be forgiven then, we all make mistakes, but it's been a day. I'm not sure she even knows why I'm upset, but as I said, is that worse?!

    I guess the sensible thing as most have been saying is to bite the bullet and talk to her. Isn't that always the answer... but knowing me I won't have the courage, we'll go to nbed angry and somehow in the morning it will be my fault for making her angry.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    But was it a mistake? Or do you think she did it figuring you'd give in like you always have before?

  9. #28
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I think at this point in my life I have less tolerance for crap not more. I have been with my husband over 30 years and in that time he has pulled some spectacular crap people would have left for less but he has grown up since and wouldnít pull that stuff anymore. But he also knows now Iím fully prepared to walk if he does.

  10. #29
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I donít think planning a holiday and not telling you about it is classified as a mistake.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Marriage therapy could help you get a better dialogue going about handing disputes and better communication.
    Originally Posted by beternal
    she knows I'm upset, she clearly remembers the moment I got upset because it was the last thing we spoke about. She has come up several times asking what we are doing about lunch

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