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Thread: Ex messaging after I broke up with him

  1. #1
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    Ex messaging after I broke up with him

    Please help. My ex is messaging still even though I broke up with him.. please feel free to read my other threads for further context.

    Long story short, heís reached out again and I havenít replied.. Iíve already deleted on social media but for some reason his messages still appear in my chat. I didnít block him.

    He can see that Iíve read his message.

    His messages were the standard saying he loves me so much and heís sorry etc etc.. and heís so hurt and just wants to hear from me.

    I felt he did not treat me right, it became a toxic relationship.

    Please give me advice, or is this the typical narcissistic hoovering / manipulation tactic that is happening. Itís been 4 weeks since weíve seen broken up, I replied back to his message two weeks ago (logistical things about moving my stuff out. I have moved out already), I even said I missed him too, and said I hope he was well.

    Then a week later he messages me again now..

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why won't you block him if you claim he is upsetting you?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It's nothing special for an ex to contact. Whether I broke up with them or they did the deed, just about every ex contacted me. Way back then, if I'd had the option to delete them in every way, I would have. You have no excuse with modern technology. If you don't know how to block him in one area, Google how to. That way you won't be moved back to square one in closure whenever you hear from him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You seem very distressed. I think you war with yourself about appearing petty if you block this person.

    If you are opposed to blocking out of your own principles, I can respect that.

    What you will have to do then is spend more time reflecting on why the relationship didn't work out and strengthen your resolve in your heart and your mind. Do that soul-searching in your off hours. Dig deep. Find that peace and resolve.

    I also recall that he didn't respond to you previously and may have felt he should respond now. By leaving the door open like that and living by your principles, you simply have to strengthen your resolve and remain confident that the relationship is over.

    What I can suggest is requesting that he and you have a few months to recoup and refocus, explain that you are not blocking or shutting the door on a future friendship but you aren't able to communicate right now and you need time. Strike a balance and communicate that more effectively. You need to accurately convey what you need in order for people to understand and follow through so they don't keep offending you and throwing you in a panic.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    As long as you don't block, he'll continue to harass you just because he can. You are worried about appearing weak....well....not blocking him is weak and an open invitation for him to keep messing with your head and your heart. Figure out how to block him completely on everything and move on. Make the break up clean rather than messy and drawn out.

    Also, if he is a toxic person and the relationship was toxic and then for the love of, don't put your personal power in his hands by asking him to leave you be or maybe come back after some time to be "pals". It's on you to create healthy boundaries and enforce them and if that feels odd, strange or counter intuitive to you, if enforcing boundaries makes you feel bad somehow.....all the more reason to draw hard boundaries and actually work on yourself to resolve why that feels bad because it shouldn't.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Why again won't you block him?

    I hope it's not because you fear appearing "petty" or you think it's "harsh", "immature", "unnecessary", or because you fear what he will think or what mutual friends might think. Because those are excuses.

    Do you hope he "changed" so you can reconcile?

  8. #7
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    Why havenít you blocked? Easy solution.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Why won't you block him if you claim he is upsetting you?
    I deleted him off Facebook, and I honestly thought if he wasnít a FB friend that he wouldnít be able to message me.

    Maybe it is a good thing though that I have read the message and he can see that itís been read.. so perhaps that will send him the message.

    He also sent me a txt message too.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why again won't you block him?

    I hope it's not because you fear appearing "petty" or you think it's "harsh", "immature", "unnecessary", or because you fear what he will think or what mutual friends might think. Because those are excuses.

    Do you hope he "changed" so you can reconcile?
    No I did delete him off social media, and really didnít think I could still get messages if he wasnít a Facebook friend.

    He also said in his message that his cousin who we lived with will message me about the utility bill that came in.

    (My share of the bills from the last few months while I was living there). I am still friends with his cousin, and his cousin was always very kind to me, so I have no intention to delete his cousin (as I know he would never contact me if he didnít have too, which he hasnít) - he is the type of guy who would never be the middle man.. but he was the main person on the utility bill, so I guess thatís why he mentioned in his message that his cousin will get in contact around the bills.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    As long as you don't block, he'll continue to harass you just because he can. You are worried about appearing weak....well....not blocking him is weak and an open invitation for him to keep messing with your head and your heart. Figure out how to block him completely on everything and move on. Make the break up clean rather than messy and drawn out.

    Also, if he is a toxic person and the relationship was toxic and then for the love of, don't put your personal power in his hands by asking him to leave you be or maybe come back after some time to be "pals". It's on you to create healthy boundaries and enforce them and if that feels odd, strange or counter intuitive to you, if enforcing boundaries makes you feel bad somehow.....all the more reason to draw hard boundaries and actually work on yourself to resolve why that feels bad because it shouldn't.
    By not replying to him though wonít appear weak? If I replied and ran back into his arms then it would be a different story. I would never go back to this person who treated me so poorly.

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