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Thread: Bf is mentally unstable and can't take care of himself... Help please.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Dating is not social work. You need to let him get the appropriate veterans and disability help. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    The way I see it is you have done all you can. He refuses all help. Doesn't go to any appointments. In other words ... if he doesn't help himself, then no-one can.
    This may seem harsh, but you have every right to ask him to leave for YOUR own mental health. This "relationship" is going nowhere (imo) and if he refuses to seek appropriate help, the relationship is doomed. Is this what you imagine for your future? Unhappy, miserable and unhealthy future? Think about it.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    I'm guessing that the way he is right now, he's not stable enough to be in a relationship. Whether he can get better in future or not is hard to know. For starters, he would need to WANT to get better and get help. Which it doesn't seem like he does. His forgetfulness might be coming from his injury and his memory problems that he gets because of it. I know he's overall a nice person, but it sounds like his cognitive and mental health issues really take over his life.

    I'm a disability and mental health workers and I've worked with people who have acquired brain injury and all sorts of other conditions. It's not their fault in most cases but that doesn't mean that it's not difficult to be around them. You sound like a nice and compassionate person but you don't need to always put yourself last.

    If you're not happy in the relationship and a lot of things bother you, you don't have to stay with your boyfriend just because you feel bad for him. Especially because he's not making much effort to actually get help and try to improve himself.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    OP you can't do this for him... he has to make a decision to do this for himself. It's one thing to walk beside him on his journey with compassion... it's a totally different thing when you are attempting the journey dragging him behind you.

    He may not want the life you want for him... and that's okay. You need to either accept him where he is now, or you need to let him go and move on.


  6. #15
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Originally Posted by pippywhips
    I have been asking him to seek out therapy since we met. I've even called and made an appointment - he didn't go. :( Doctor gave him a bunch of resources with his depression meds a couple weeks ago and he hasn't yet called.
    Wouldn't this be a big red flag of what's to come? My impression is he is doing it on purpose so you don't leave...maybe leaving will motivate him to get off his butt...it's looking like codependency, and that's not a healthy relationship.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Do you know if he expected his wife to parent him as well?

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