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Thread: My head is being turned

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you co-own the house, you also need to maintain it. Why do you need him to call for repairs? If you want kids one day you can't go without heat/hot water until the power struggle breaks about whose job it is to call for repairs.

    In healthy relationship/partnerships, people just get stuff done. There is no need to give anyone ultimatums or lists. When it comes to emergency repairs, pick up the phone.

    The issue, however is not who does what, it's that you are not happy and he does not share your goals.
    Originally Posted by JR91
    The boiler broke a few months ago and I left it 3 days and waited for him to step up and get it sorted but he didn't, so 3 days with no hot water or heating and I sorted it and got the boiler replaced.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by arjumand
    What are you getting out of this relationship? You seem to be overworked, you worry all the time, and you have to walk on eggshells around him. What is he doing for you? What benefits are there to you? If you are simply worried about money, move in with a friend or family and get a second job that PAYS. Once you are not spending all your energy taking care of him and worrying about him you will be amazed at how much better life can be when you focus on the life you want.
    What Arjumand asks and advises is truly at the heart of the matter.

    We are on your side here. I must also ask: "What is great about this relationship?"

    A better life awaits you, but only you can take the decision to chase that far better life.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by JR91
    They aren't necessarily violent, they just like to drink and encourage him to do so which they know is bad for him, they cause trouble then watch while he defends them all. Its ridiculous.
    This is on him, OP. His friends might be total tools, but so is he. He has got some serious issues if all it takes is peer pressure to lash out violently at other people, at nearly 30 years old.

    Your relationship sounds like it only really still exists because you two have never really known anyone else, in a romantic sense. You have become so accustomed to being in each other's lives that you've stayed beyond this relationship's expiration date. You've been together since you were teens, more or less, yeah? You grew up. He didn't.

  4. #34
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    OP.

    It seems that folks on another site gave you the exact same advice. What are you going to do?

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  6. #35

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    OP.

    It seems that folks on another site gave you the exact same advice. What are you going to do?
    Hi, I'm not sure what you mean by other site? The plan is to wait until lockdown is lifted and get the ball rolling to start a new life own my own.

  7. #36

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    OP.

    It seems that folks on another site gave you the exact same advice. What are you going to do?
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    If you co-own the house, you also need to maintain it. Why do you need him to call for repairs? If you want kids one day you can't go without heat/hot water until the power struggle breaks about whose job it is to call for repairs.

    In healthy relationship/partnerships, people just get stuff done. There is no need to give anyone ultimatums or lists. When it comes to emergency repairs, pick up the phone.

    The issue, however is not who does what, it's that you are not happy and he does not share your goals.
    I understand this but there wasn't an ultimatum. I clearly said I wasn't sure what to do/ who to call about the boiler and he just looked at me as if to say "I'm sure you'll sort it " I do maintain the house, I literally do everything and this is the point I'm making. I work just as hard as he does and then I do everything else on top, he knows I get frustrated but he still doesn't help out. You're right about the goals!

  8. #37
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    Why wait until the lockdown is lifted? I know of people who have moved recently.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Eventually you'll find a way out of this and realize that you don't have to have this as your lot in life.
    Originally Posted by JR91
    he knows I get frustrated but he still doesn't help out. You're right about the goals!

  10. #39

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    It sounds like he may have a drinking problem. Although he quit, he may still have the tendencies unless treated. You may have begun texting if he is still demonstrating the drinking behaviors. It may be your way of telling you that you need to get out. I know...easier said than done!

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