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Thread: do I have to make peace with my bf drinking

  1. #1
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    do I have to make peace with my bf drinking

    My bf drinks to his friends once every few weeks and gets little drunk, and once every few months and gets big drunk. I on the other hand do not drink at all and I get super annoyed when heís drunk because he canít make conversations, hes too tired to do anything with me, he canít sleep and keeps tossing so I canít sleep either. Sometimes Im so tired after a sleepless night but the next day need to pull myself together and work.

    On the other hand, to be fair to him he is responsible enough that he wonít let himself go into black out or to cause any trouble, he always makes sure he knows whatís happening and can walk and get himself home safe. he doesn't get aggressive, or rude, or embarrassing, or anything like that (thank god).

    So what should I do here? When I ask him to drink less he goes ďbut Iím really having a good time with my friendsĒ...Am I being to fussy and sucking the fun out of him and his friends ? Should I relax and find a way to handle it myself? We are in our mid 20s

  2. #2
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    If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you.

    You cannot expect him to change.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Of course you do NOT have to make peace with him getting hammered! If you dont like it, it's time to move on. Drunks are a real pain in the butt and can ruin a friendship faster than almost anything else.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Recalling your other threads, this sounds like it's been a pretty fraught relationship. Speaking generally for a moment, that might be worth exploring and asking if you think it should be this hard, this heady.

    In terms of the specifics? Well, it's related. You certainly don't need to make peace with "his drinking," but if you can't make peace with "who he is" then you have a real compatibility problem. You've been together around nine months, best I can tell, which would mean these "big drunk" moments you're struggling with have occurred...well, how often? Three or four times? Back to compatibility: I think one way to gauge it is if the things we're annoyed about every few monthsóbe it a so-so job on the dishes or getting a buzz on with friendsóaren't all that annoying.

    Guess what I'm trying to say is that there's no right or wrong here so much as what feels right, and what sincerely works, for you. And for him. But trying to get someone to change behavior they think is fine but you don't? Or trying to bend yourself into a shape to accommodate something that's outside of your comfort zone? Well, that's where things get pretty tense.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle

    Guess what I'm trying to say is that there's no right or wrong here so much as what feels right, and what sincerely works, for you. And for him. But trying to get someone to change behavior they think is fine but you don't? Or trying to bend yourself into a shape to accommodate something that's outside of your comfort zone? Well, that's where things get pretty tense.
    So he's not gonna stop being drunk for me? Im not asking him to quit alcohol but just to not get drunk. He's not gonna do that for me? And it's unreasonable for me to ask for that?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    So he's not gonna stop being drunk for me? Im not asking him to quit alcohol but just to not get drunk. He's not gonna do that for me? And it's unreasonable for me to ask for that?
    You already have, and he hasn't changed.

    If you don't like it, then find someone who does not drink to excess.

    He is not going to do that for you.

  8. #7
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    Tell him to sleep in spare room or on couch wen heís been out drinking. Or stay over at his friends.
    Problem solved.

  9. #8
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    well I was hoping if I have a serious talk about it he will consider stop getting drunk..or at least gets drunk less often..I feel he should do it for me if he really cares about me.

  10. #9
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    Did you know this about him when you started dating?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Did you know this about him when you started dating?
    Yes but he doesnt drink as much when I'm around. When he's with the boys he'd enjoy bit more alcohol.
    Apparently he drank more in his bachelor days (every weekend) and already cut it down after he met me. :/

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