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Thread: do I have to make peace with my bf drinking

  1. #31
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by greendots

    The nitty gritty: Are your lifestyles otherwise similar? Do you have similar values?
    Good question GreenD.

    I'd like to hear the OP's answer.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Decide for yourself if it's a problem: [Register to see the link]


  3. #33
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    No, you don't have to make peace with your bf's drinking. Either he needs to attend AA meetings and take care of himself or you need to dissolve the relationship. Make your exit so you can be fair to yourself and have a good life. Never waste your youth on a man who will only drag you down.

  4. #34
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    Let's not blow things out of proportion here. Yes, I can find someone else who drinks less but he's gonna have other issues that I make threats about. I'm not gonna dump someone soon as I get annoyed, I may as well be single forever then.

    We are similar in the grand scheme of things and he has what I'm looking for and he doesn't have my deal breakers. Trust me, I have a long list of boxes a guy needs to tick, but getting drunk reasonably, occasionally is not on it. I realised it's unrealistic anyway to expect anyone to never get drunk for me.

    I also never really had an issue till yesterday, yeah I was super annoyed and he has also been drinking bit more often than before. To his defense it was because COVID restriction has finally been lifted and everybody got a little too excited. He says it will slow down now. We also reached an agreement that max 4 beers if I have to work the next day. I think it's reasonable so I'm gonna see.

    I don't understand why whenever there is an conflict people immediately say its "incompatible" and I should consider leaving, as if every conflict should be a new deal breaker for me. I'm yet to see a relationship where no conflict ever exists.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Decide for yourself if it's a problem: [Register to see the link]

    I think there is a big difference between binge drinking responsibly and irresponsibly.

    There is the suggestion ( made out to be fact ) that ďbingeĒ drinkers cost the government x amount of millions of dollars. ( that would be the irresponsible ones) Yet fail to state how much revenue is made by the responsible ones.

    Too funny!

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    Let's not blow things out of proportion here. Yes, I can find someone else who drinks less but he's gonna have other issues that I make threats about. I'm not gonna dump someone soon as I get annoyed, I may as well be single forever then.

    We are similar in the grand scheme of things and he has what I'm looking for and he doesn't have my deal breakers. Trust me, I have a long list of boxes a guy needs to tick, but getting drunk reasonably, occasionally is not on it. I realised it's unrealistic anyway to expect anyone to never get drunk for me.

    I also never really had an issue till yesterday, yeah I was super annoyed and he has also been drinking bit more often than before. To his defense it was because COVID restriction has finally been lifted and everybody got a little too excited. He says it will slow down now. We also reached an agreement that max 4 beers if I have to work the next day. I think it's reasonable so I'm gonna see.

    I don't understand why whenever there is an conflict people immediately say its "incompatible" and I should consider leaving, as if every conflict should be a new deal breaker for me. I'm yet to see a relationship where no conflict ever exists.
    So he has compromised by drinking 4 beers only on a night when YOU are working the next day?
    You still havenít told us what YOUR compromise is?

    What does this mean? ďYes, I can find someone else who drinks less but he's gonna have other issues that I make threats about.Ē

    Why would you threaten a partner?
    What are you threatening them with? Whatís the consequence and why???
    That sounds super controlling to me and tbh no relationship survives on threats!?

    Again , you come across as controlling. And unwilling to compromise.

    So, when people state that you are incompatible , thatís why!!!
    Compatible people accept and compromise.
    You have done neither and really your bf will leave you for that eventually.

    Please come up with a compromise with him rather than a demand he apparently temporarily agrees to or kiss him goodbye.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    Let's not blow things out of proportion here. Yes, I can find someone else who drinks less but he's gonna have other issues that I make threats about. I'm not gonna dump someone soon as I get annoyed, I may as well be single forever then.

    We are similar in the grand scheme of things and he has what I'm looking for and he doesn't have my deal breakers. Trust me, I have a long list of boxes a guy needs to tick, but getting drunk reasonably, occasionally is not on it. I realised it's unrealistic anyway to expect anyone to never get drunk for me.

    I also never really had an issue till yesterday, yeah I was super annoyed and he has also been drinking bit more often than before. To his defense it was because COVID restriction has finally been lifted and everybody got a little too excited. He says it will slow down now. We also reached an agreement that max 4 beers if I have to work the next day. I think it's reasonable so I'm gonna see.

    I don't understand why whenever there is an conflict people immediately say its "incompatible" and I should consider leaving, as if every conflict should be a new deal breaker for me. I'm yet to see a relationship where no conflict ever exists.
    Nobody's telling you that you 'must' dump him. I spoke for myself: if I loved someone enough to negotiate (rather than dictate) an outcome that was worth living with, I would do so. If not, then it wouldn't be worth it to ME to live with that.

    Negotiation means offering something of value to another in exchange for something of value to me. It's the fine art of showing someone what's in it for them to give me what I want. "If you'll scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."

    So what have you offered him in exchange for modifying his behavior?

    It's not that this is a law, but it's an agreement that avoids shifting the resentment from you to him. Otherwise, you can strong-arm the guy into behaving, but that doesn't mean he won't begin to wonder whether HE wants to stay in this arrangement.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Another way to get around this is for him to go sleep it off on his buddies couch for the night...then there is no disturbance of your sleep or do you have to look at him being all hung over the next day. You can carry on with your morning in peace. He doesn't have to cut back, and you get your sleep.

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