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Thread: Overwhelmed.

  1. #1
    Member Deeplydepressed's Avatar
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    Overwhelmed.

    Iím feeling like a failure. In my youth I decided to have fun and party a lot. I am now approaching 40 and feeling like a failure and like itís too late. I never received a driver license and have never drove. In my 20ís I had a decent job but was laid from job in my early 30ís, then had my only child at 33 and worked odd jobs up until now. I never finished my schooling and now feel as if I am unqualified for any job. I also deal with a auto immune disease that causes flares occasionally. I do want another child but feel like itís too late. I want to purchase a home but have school debt. I have 6 year old kid. Is it too late?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    No one receives a drivers licence. It's earned. You have to work at it and this means working to get the money to pay for the lessons from a licensed instructor and then paying for the theory/written or practical/driving exams that are required. The process can take years depending on where you live. Have you wanted to drive? What stopped you? We come from all backgrounds and sometimes family members can be crushingly inhibitive and controlling. Did you grow up in a conservative family that prevented women from learning how to drive?

    You have a great blessing - your child. It's expensive raising kids. You can become qualified if you're willing to put in the hours for some certification and make yourself more marketable but it is very competitive right now. If you're feeling like you're in a bit of a slump and demoralized you are not the only one. Unemployment is sky high and many previous full time positions are now temporary or contract positions.

    Are you living with family or continuing to live someone who is preventing you from doing these things?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. For the sake of your child , get to a doctor for a complete evaluation. It will be hard to function, no less be happy if you feel like you are dragging around. It is also effecting your child. Chronic rumination, regret, feeling of failure need to be evaluated by a physician, whether it is related to other conditions or a mood disorder in itself. Start there.
    Originally Posted by Deeplydepressed
    I never finished my schooling and now feel as if I am unqualified for any job. I also deal with a auto immune disease that causes flares occasionally. I want to purchase a home but have school debt. I have 6 year old kid.

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    Originally Posted by Deeplydepressed
    Is it too late?
    It might not be too late but you need to align your expectations with your abilities to achieve your goals. Usually prioritising and dealing with one issue at the time taking into account how each goal depends on the others helps.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Step 1) screw the schooling...waste of time. Learn a trade. You can push a broom on a job site and work your way up with an apprenticeship if you are willing to work hard. Journeymen can make more than most doctors. They can become contractors or site supervisors....there's money to be made in the trades, so don't kid yourself. You can be a welder, an electrician, etc. get yourself into a union, get benefits, job stability.

    Step 2) you can study for free online to get your driver's license. Save a few bucks for a lesson or two. Have a family member take you out, and teach you to drive. The more time you drive, the more confidence you will get. It's not that hard to do...people of all ages, races, and immigrants who barely speak the language get their driver's licenses. No excuses!

    Step 3) Be realistic in your goals. Why would you want to bring another child into this world when you are barley making it now? Be grateful for the one you have, and focus on making yours and their life better. If you don't have another one, there will be grand babies in your future to dote over.

    Step 4) seek out help medically for your physical and mental health.

    Step 5) be positive, think positive. If one thing doesn't work out, have a plan B or C. Having other goals/options will keep you moving forward.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Definitely go back to the doctor and this time stick with the treatments. It's a myth that people with depression should just snap out of it. This inertia is not about procrastination. Even your user name states "deeply depressed" so you know what the problem is.

    It's not about school or jobs or the past or driving. The lack of those things are symptoms of your chronically under or untreated health. Once you get appropriate treatment it will help you stop feeling so lost and like you are dragging through quicksand.
    Originally Posted by Deeplydepressed
    I seem to be in some sort of rut and I cannot figure out why.
    I feel like I cannot move forward. I have seen a few therapists and have tried medicine without much success.
    I want to be able to accomplish the things I desire and learn to stop procrasinating.

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    I had my one child when I was 42. Took the long way around. Got my drivers license at age 49. For the first 43 years of my life I didnít need to drive where I lived. Now itís more of a challenge. But I still donít drive - where I live Iím scared to drive my son around alone in the car because of the crazy drivers. I donít feel like a failure though. But I did have to take 3 road tests to finally get my license. It was really hard. I agree keep your goals realistic. Having another child would mean a high risk pregnancy and of course additional expense. Iím baffled as to why youíd feel like a failure as a mom just because you have one child and not more? Iím sorry about your debt and health challenges! I think education is awesome if you can afford to do it. Itís why Iíve been able to do a job I love for many years and able to be a stay at home mom for a number of years. Iím in my 50s.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I started over career-wise when I was 47. I started out unloading trailers almost 6 years ago. Today I am a manager. I got promoted quickly because although I struggled with the physical aspects of the job my work ethic was appreciated by the management team. I showed the ability to learn quickly and set a good example, so I got promoted 3 times in 5 years.

    Your child is your shining star who looks to you to see how a good life is led. If you are a good person you have already succeeded.

    And yes, seek treatment for depression. I struggle with anxiety and am seeking treatment. No shame in that! I always say, if you fell and broke your leg or you developed diabetes wouldn't you seek medical help? Mental and emotional issues are just as important as physical issues.

  10. #9
    Member Deeplydepressed's Avatar
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    Thank you for this. Itís very encouraging and it least helped me not feel so alone.

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    I personally don't think it's ever too late to do anything you want in life! I'm 35 and I only got my driver's license at 28. Here in Australia you get it when you're 18, so it was ten years late lol I have mild ADHD so I struggled with university and took ten years to finish only a three year undergraduate degree. In the meantime I had also done a diploma and certificate at community college, because it wasn't as much pressure. I finished my undergraduate degree when I was 31. I worked in retail from the age of 19 until 29. It was only at 29 I got my first professional job as a welfare worker. So I had a late start in life, but I didn't mind actually. I felt happy that I had finally accomplished those things.

    First of all, well done on raising your child! Being a parent is so hard and challenging, so you have definitely achieved something! I would say do whatever you want in life. It may be a little harder to break into a new career at 40, but it's not impossible. Someone commented don't worry about schooling. Well if you want to study and you have interest in it, why not? Really I think the more you put it off, the more you'll feel it's too late.

    What do you think you might like to study? When you say you didn't finish your schooling, do you mean high school? I'm not sure what country you live in, but here in Australia it's very possible to finish school even when you're older. You can do your final grades at community college and get your high school certificate. Sometimes you can get into community courses even without high school diploma. It may depend on the course. Also often if you have a community college qualification, then you can apply for a university degree following on from that discipline. This is all available in Australia, not sure about your country.

    If you're busy with your child, you could study online or via video (Zoom, etc.) while your child is at school. I was studying a sign language course and due to coronavirus it was being delivered on Zoom. So I was just studying from my own loungeroom, which was very convenient. I would recommend researching into all these things and think about what you actually want to study and what you want to do for work. Pick things you really could see yourself doing and you can realistically finish. I think it's important to set achievable goals and timeframes so you don't feel like a failure again.

    Also I would highly recommend volunteering. Some places will still hire you if you've gained experience in a similar role through volunteer work. I volunteered with two non-profit community organisations and they gave me very good references. From getting those references I was able to get my first job in social welfare.

    Good luck!!

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