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Thread: Ex pretended she didnít see me

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Don't dwell on the past or how people treat you now. It is what it is. It's unhealthy for you to constantly ruminate over another person. They're certainly not devoting the same energy and time into you so why should you concentrate on them so much?

    Tell yourself that certain people are not worth it. Then you'll feel smug which is actually mentally healthy because you no longer place people on a pedestal in your brain. You're more important which means you deserve to be kind and respectful to YOURSELF first and foremost. Take good care of yourself because you should make yourself a priority.

    Don't miss people who don't deserve being missed. Become more astute, shrewd and savvy. Then your self esteem and self confidence will soar. It's a process and will take time. In some ways, despite my different stories, I was once you. Change the way you think, think with more clarity and you'll become a strong, tough person.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member browneyedgirl36's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Someplace Sunny!
    Ugh...I'm sorry.

    My ex once stood less than THREE FEET from me at the counter of a mobile phone store -- literally next to me, at the counter, while we were both being helped by different clerks -- and made NO acknowledgement of me whatsoever, even though he had clearly seen and heard me, even though things had ended on reasonably good terms, and I was the one who'd been hurt, not him. Granted, we were both being helped, and were in the middle of transactions, but he still didn't acknowledge me even when he turned to walk out of the store. It wasn't until I called after him, "Goodbye, [insert his name here]!" That he acknowledged me, and only because he probably felt he had to in order to avoid looking like a jerk in front of a store full of people. The clerk who was helping me looked at me and said, "Oh, you know that guy?" My reply: "Uh, yeah, I used to DATE that guy." The clerk was surprised, to say the least.

    The point of my story: I know it feels awful. I remember how I felt; it was as if, overnight, I'd gone from someone he really cared for to a complete stranger. You've got to understand that it isn't about you, though, and as difficult as it is to do, you have to actively remind yourself not to personalize it. Perhaps it's her way of coping. Maybe she doesn't know what to say or how to act, and she prefers to just do nothing. Ignoring you isn't necessarily the most mature way to handle things, but...some coping mechanisms don't seem to allow for acknowledging others' feelings. Hang in there. Try not to focus too much energy on her -- it's wasted energy at this point.

  3. #13
    That's irrespective from her side. But don't look back. You had good time with her. If she doesn't need you, why do you even think about her?

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Thanks for the replies!!

    I guess I never wanted it to end originally and I just canít figure out how someone can one day be one way and the next like people have said, flick of a switch and you never existed to that person.

    I really just wish it didnít waste this energy on her.

    What I hate is the thought of her happy doing whatever with someone else yet me... Iím alone now, have to start again when I donít want to, I donít want to start again but Iím left with no choice, Iím sad sheís happy. Really upsets me that I am the loser out of it


  6. #15
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    What you "lost" is someone who manipulates you and who doesn't care about your feelings.

    If that makes you a loser, then good for you for being a loser!

  7. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    In Feb of 2019 you wrote this.. "Was with my ex for 4 years... every 9 months she would just break it off and then i never heard from her again for a few months... until we maybe would bump into each other and then talk and resume... so unhealthy."

    You secretly wanted her to say hi to you so this could happen. I think you still haven't fully accepted the break up because you still ask "how could she (insert action here)?" but what you have yet to understand that she might have never had those feelings for you. Since 2016 you have been asking "How could she.......?" and no answer you get will satisfy your thirst to know. You keep that wound open because its the only link to her emotionally you have left. You are afraid that by letting that wound heal, you would be forced to face the unknown. So you justify it by continually asking yourself "why? or How?" and since you don't have your answer, you don't have to move on.

    You are like a bride that was left at the altar and still have on the wedding dress years later. Its over. She has moved on in life. Am I harsh? Yeah, you need to accept.

    I don't know if you have sought counseling, but I think it would be good for you. You have not moved on from this woman despite using you as a doormat and as a crutch.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    Originally Posted by James1982
    Really upsets me that I am the loser out of it
    What did you 'lose,' exactly, but someone who would break up with you every 9 months?

    Don't you deserve to find better than that?

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