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Thread: Confused flirting ?

  1. #1

    Confused flirting ?

    This a long one, please bear with me. All information is relevant.

    So I have had a crush on this girl for a while. I first met her in college (we both study in the same field) and we never talked then. She was in a relationship and so was I (yes, i had a crush on her although I was in a relationship).

    Recently, she got hired at my job (partime job, we both still are attending college). When she started working, we both were getting out of our own respective relationship. We both are single since very recently (about 2-3 weeks ago). She ended her relationship and I ended mine.

    We both work different shifts (hers start when mine end) and I have been staying late at work to hangout with her. Sometimes even 2-3 hours after my shift ! We would have a great time, laugh, have deep and meaningul conversations. I only get to see her twice a week (i wouldn’t get to see her other days due to differences in our shifts). Also, it is important to mention that me staying late and hanging out with her does not have any negative impact in our job whatsoever,our boss is aware and absolutely okay with that.

    Lately, she has been behaving on what I thought was a flirtous manner :
    - When I would leave she’d say : “you’re leaving already ? Please stay !”
    - She’d sometimes bring me coffee from a nearby shop
    - I once told her I would order us lunch and she said “You can always charm me with food”
    - We only once had our shifts at the same time and during the day she’d text me “please come! I’m lonely!”

    Our coworkers thought we were dating and they were always asking us if me and her were in a relationship together.

    One day, having been thinking about all these clues, I decided I would express my feelings towards her (in person) and ask her out. When I did, she only said
    - “i don’t know what to say!”
    - “You’re catching me completely off guard!”.

    I later texted her that day and she told me again that i really caught her off guard and that she had too much on her plate lately with school and that she still hasn’t gotten over her previous relationship (even though she is the one who ended her previous relationship). (This was a week ago).

    NOTE: never did she say that I wasn’t her type nor never did she ever friendzone me.

    At this moment I decided I would be distant. I wouldn’t text her through the week. When saw her for the first time saturday (a week after the day when I expressed my feelings towards her), we chatted like usual, but I purposely stayed only for 30 minutes and she was seemed shoocked and surprised (even bothered) that I stayed only for that long. The following day, I stayed for 5 hours after my shift, i got us coffees and hung out and had a great time. When talking relationships she told me she’s caring less and less about her ex now (I asked) and then she later revealed that she’s the kind of girl who is hard for her to fall in love with someone (i never asked, why did she mention this) ? However, i might have stayed too long that evening because she eventually started to seem bored, and seeing that I decided i would head back home.

    I am curious to know the “why” behind all of this story, is she interessed but just confused ? Why was she beeing flirtous ? Did I express my feelings for her too soon ?

    Also, I want to know how I should proceed, because I definitely want to date her eventually. Should I text her during the week ? Should I be silent until I see her at work next week ? Should I ask her out again ? Should I wait for her to make a first move (considering that she knows how I feel, but i dont know how she does) ? Should I make another move ?

    Thank you!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Your thread seems to have been missed last week. What else has happened in the past 7-8 days?

    Did she agree to go out with you or change her mind?

    Based on what you wrote I'd stick to the cues like you've been doing and go with the flow. Just keep it respectful and give the other person space to come to you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Ok, you tried. But she sees you as a friend. Now stop hanging out. Do. Not. Ask. Her. Out. Again. Since you work together it's sexual harassment to keep pestering her.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Have things progressed any since your original post?

    You two both got out of relationships very recently. I’m not sure how long her past relationship was, but if she invested a lot of feelings into it, it can take time to truly get over. When you go from spending nearly every day with someone or at least communicating with them each day, they become your best friend. She may still have feelings for that person that she’s struggling with.

    Be patient. As frustrating as that can be, it does show that you care.

    Your feelings are out there. Now it’s up to her to let you know how she feels. I’m not sure if I’d be able to express feelings for someone new fresh off the heels of a breakup. I don’t think all is lost because she said she was caught off guard though.

    Start giving her some space by hanging around less and contacting her less. Start filling that time with activities you enjoy. Does she ever initiate contact? See if she notices when you’re not around and if she contacts you.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    When she isn't in the mind space to open her heart to someone new, it's not in your best interest to continually insert yourself in her world during this time in the hopes she`ll come around. You risk being her space filler. There's no anticipation , no romantic tension or build up while you are there being her buddy in the meantime.
    She knows how you feel and she senses you hope she'll change her mind.
    Unfortunately it doesnt usually work that way. She'll wonder why you don't have more pride rather then settling being her friend while you still want more.
    Your best bet is to leave her be and move on.


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