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Thread: Will he get back in touch?

  1. #1
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    Will he get back in touch?

    Before lockdown Id been on a few dates with someone Id briefly dated a few years ago. Wed bumped in to each other and gone on a few really great dates.

    Then lockdown started. Hes a frontline healthcare worker so said he wouldnt be able to date for the foreseeable but that hed like to stay in touch.

    So for the whole of lockdown we text every day to start, then few days. It got to the point where there was nothing to say and it felt like a strange routine wed got in to where it felt rude to not text.

    So his job contract runs out next month, and last week he said hed not heard back from the local jobs hed applied for yet and so was applying further afield just in case.

    I sent him a nice message back saying that if he was thinking of moving away then I wasnt sure there was much point in keeping chatting at the mo, that we should wait until he knows whats happening. He replied saying he totally gets it, that theres no point if hes leaving next month, but hes trying really hard to stay and will let me know as soon as he knows more.

    I think I did the right thing, because if it is going to work with this guy, I want it to be on a strong foundation, and I didnt feel like that was the case when hes been so busy with the pandemic recently. And if Id hung around texting when he said he could move, I felt like that made me look a bit desperate and would be happy with anything.

    Should I just leave it with him now to get back in touch? How long do these things usually take?!

    Could it possibly work the third time round?!

  2. #2
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    I don't think keeping in touch is his priority right now. It sounds like he's worried about work and knows he can't promise anything.

    So yes, leave the ball in his court. But keep your options open, too. I'm not sure I'd hold my breath on this guy, simply because the logistics and his current motivation to communicate are complicated.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I agree with MissCanuck, it doesn't sound good. It sounds like you're chasing and his priorities are elsewhere right now as is his mind. Leave it up to him whether he gets in touch or not but don't sit around waiting.

    It honestly sounds awkward and like you two didn't ever really connect.

  4. #4
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    He doesnt sound frontline to me. If he was they wouldnt let him go contract or no contract.

    His excuse or reason of not being able to date is the same as anyones. Social distancing. Nothing to do with their job but to do with Government restrictions only.

    You resorted to game playing. Telling him no point in dating IF he moved away. And thereby testing his interest. Which seems low since he didnt fight.

    You feel justified by your message and I get that since he didnt express much interest in you even if he got a job locally.

    However, he might have showed no interest because you dismissed him purely because he may or may not move.

    So here you are left wondering ?
    Wonder away because the damage is done.

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  6. #5
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    Agree totally with the others - there is next to no chance he's going to resume contact and want to pursue a potential relationship with you. I wouldn't invest any more time in keeping in touch. I'm sorry!

  7. #6
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    I agree with the others.

    Why was everything through text? Why weren't you having phone convos or virtual chats?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It may be time to let go.

    Responded in your other thread on this man: [Register to see the link]

  9. #8
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Well, you told him you two should hold off until he knows what's happening. Why wouldn't he respect your wishes? Not saying you were right or wrong, but if you wanted to be kept in the loop in the meantime, that's kind of a strange way to go about it.

    To contribute to the echo chamber, I'd leave it. Too many complications too soon. Dating is meant to be enjoyable.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I can't speak for him, but I wouldn't feel very motivated by someone who threw in the towel at the mere mention of my need to expand my scope of a job search.

    Widening my radius for potential work wouldn't automatically mean that I'm jumping on a plane across a continent. It could just end up meaning that I'm working on a slightly longer commute or that my trips to date might take more time--but it's all rendered irrelevant if my date says, "Okay, well, buh-bye until you know what this would mean for ME."

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You told him there was no point communicating IF he were to move away.
    There was no solid plan to do so in place and your comment probably came across to him that you weren't that invested to begin with. He had no choice but respectfully accept your position and moved on.
    Now your bugged he's gone?
    You had a few dates with this guy. Life got busy. If you could go back would there have been any reason why you couldn't have just left it alone and continue to be his friend whether he remained local or otherwise?
    Instead you slammed the shut instead of letting things unfold naturally.

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