Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 7 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 63

Thread: What should i say to him?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    27

    What should i say to him?

    met this guy on an online app. He's always expressed an interest in me. Initially i was unsure of him. Took a long time for him to even get me to speak to him on the phone.

    He almost gave up on me after a couple of months, i think he assumed i wasnt taking him seriously. That i was just going to text him for the rest of my life..and he said he knew things wouldnt go anywhere between us.
    I think he just wants things to progress quickly whereas im just slow in my approach with relationship and dating.

    Then we had a few months break in between where neither of us messaged the other.
    I ended up messaging him and we got back to talking.

    I called him on on the phone..this was
    2 months ago now spoke to the guy for a few hours. And before then because i hadn't reached out to him in so long (just over a month), he kept asking what id been doing and where i was ..he then said he thought i deleted his number and moved on from him. That was the theory in his mind. And when it didnt work out with the "other person" he thinks i came back to him. I reassured him that there wasnt anyone else. ( i was just bad at keeping contact).

    Anyway during the convo he asked if i want to see him/meet him..i said i don't mind..and he then said cool send me another pic then.

    Following that convo i didnt send a photo simply out of principle. He already has one. Nor did i mention the meeting which he asked about in a weird way.

    Two weeks went by i sent a gif showing im bored..he then messaged with "you bored ?" Literally neither of us contacted the other after that for like five weeks.

    Then about a week ago now i was like thinking so much time has gone by and decided to message him. Saying...how has nearly 2 months gone by since i last spoke to you..and you must hate me. Followed by shocked emojis.

    Needless to say he didnt respond AT ALL. Complete silence. I saw he read it pretty quick within half n hour of me sending it. He came online and read the messages. But nothing

    So what i was going to do was call him.. is it a good idea? Or should i leave it? And if calling is a good idea wth do i even say to rectify the situation...where do i start.. . Provided he doesnt ignore my call too.

    I am genuinely thinking i may miss out unless i do something ( and will probably be regretful) But is it too late.?..

    As much as i don't show it in the best way i am interested in him. As i said previously i just like to take things slower usually.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,196
    I am curious as to why you are on a dating app., as it sounds like you are playing games. People are on dating sites to meet! You should be meeting people within two weeks of the first contact, not a year.

    I can't figure out why this guy has any interest in any of this back and forth, as your behavior is strange. I think he finally figured out that you are a complete waste of time.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 06-12-2020 at 08:55 AM.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,119
    Gender
    Male
    Next time. Get it over with and meet for a brief coffee. You are wasting everyone's time if you are not ready to date. Dating apps are not for boredom, pen-pals or catfishing.

    Get a better dating app profile with good pics, and some interesting statements. Exchange a few messages, then meet up. If there is no chemistry, move on.
    Originally Posted by Freya112
    met this guy on an online app.
    he asked if i want to see him/meet him. Nor did i mention the meeting which he asked about in a weird way.

    Two weeks went by i sent a gif showing im bored.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    27
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I am curious as to why you are on a dating app., as it sounds like you are playing games. People are on dating sites to meet! You should be meeting people within two weeks of the first contact, not a year.

    I can't figure out why this guy has any interest in any of this back and forth, as your behavior is strange. I think he finally figured out that you are a complete waste of time.
    Its definitely not strange or unusual behaviour. How many times do men/ women act like this? Men mostly actually ..but are actually playing mind games

    On the surface it looks like im playing games but im genuinely not. I always had an intention to meet the guy from the beginning. Only recently (well 2 months ago) he asked.

    But you are right in everything youre saying. I think ive come across a lot of weird people on the apps..who are casual/or just want an ego boost...so when someone serious came along i didnt know what to do.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,196
    Most people meet within a week or two. I stand by everything I said.

    You need to address why you have drug this out so long.

  7. #6

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    27
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Next time. Get it over with and meet for a brief coffee. You are wasting everyone's time if you are not ready to date. Dating apps are not for boredom, pen-pals or catfishing.

    Get a better dating app profile with good pics, and some interesting statements. Exchange a few messages, then meet up. If there is no chemistry, move on.
    I know. I think he thinks im a catfish already. But at the same time still curious about me as apart from the last messsge i sent...he is very responsive.
    My dating profile is quite good ij comparison to the mens ones ive seen. And i do still get a lot of matches.

    As mentioned in previous post...the hundreds of weird men ive come across on the app is unbelievable. There was a guy i blocked...he literally kept saying we're going to meet but never actually setting a date. Not to mention he wasnt even that attractive ( i was definitely better)and was short so i was like 🤔🤔.

    But yeh i think ive adopted the behaviours of these terrible people so when someone decent actually comes along..im like ok ..what shall i do now.

    Anyway i do have pure intentions for this guy its just i haven't told him properly...i end up thinking instead of actually doing anything about it. And time just.goes like that.

    He totally ignored my last message. And i guess i don't blame him one bit.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    188
    Dating apps are like that. Maybe 1 in 10 of the profiles look like a sincere and decent person and 1 in 10 of those might end up in a date. Then again 1 in 10 of those you meet might actually lead somewhere. So before you even meet there is at best 1% chance at something more meaningful than just a match on a dating app. People get tons of matches and they don't have months and months to invest in such a slim chance with a single match. Why do you put so much significance on this match when it seems obvious neither of you were that interested in meeting up?

  9. #8

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    27
    Originally Posted by SophiaG
    Dating apps are like that. Maybe 1 in 10 of the profiles look like a sincere and decent person and 1 in 10 of those might end up in a date. Then again 1 in 10 of those you meet might actually lead somewhere. So before you even meet there is at best 1% chance at something more meaningful than just a match on a dating app. People get tons of matches and they don't have months and months to invest in such a slim chance with a single match. Why do you put so much significance on this match when it seems obvious neither of you were that interested in meeting up?
    He was interested in meeting. And was always serious.thats why i am probably still keeping in touch with him.

    Only reason he was showing doubt and holding back i think because he wasnt sure of my intentions hence saying at one point "i knew things wouldnt go anywhere between us".
    And "i do not want to be just your penpal".

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,342
    Gender
    Female
    Taking things slowly? For one thing, it's fine to exchange some texts and have at least have one phone call before being comfortable to meet, but that meet up needs to happen within the first few weeks. Seeing a person in person is when you really start to get to know them. It's scratching the surface of reality instead of being stuck behind a possible smokescreen of fantasy land where people can lie about their age, gender, and a myriad of other things.

    It's a dating app not a pen pal site. When I did OLD, I did the same thing as the guy you've been speaking to. If a guy didn't soon suggest getting together, I sometimes broached the subject, and if they had some excuse, I bailed out of communication for good. I wanted a companion to actually enjoy life with, going on hikes, eating meals together. Why would I waste time on a person who obviously doesn't want the same?

    To me, going slow is total nonsense. If you're not ready to date in a normal pace, then you're not ready to date. Because I'm assuming you're lugging around toxic, smelly baggage from the past where you're putting up barriers you expect some guy is going to exhaust himself hurdling over. A guy with really poor self esteem might give it a go, but a together guy will walk away and find someone who is emotionally available.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,177
    Gender
    Female
    You have to communicate your intentions in a honest manner....not fritter around and expect him to read your mind.

Page 1 of 7 1234 ... LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •