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Thread: What should i say to him?

  1. #41

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    The pandemic did throw a wrench in things but he's not responding now.

    Why bother with someone who didn't take the time to get to know you (if you feel that's how he acted)?

    If he was evasive to you and inconsistent like you say, you don't need that type of energy or person in your life.

    I'm puzzled why you think he's so great if he made all the wrong moves. I understand regret and maybe second guessing yourself but life is short. This person hardly was a presence in your life. Why knock your head so hard and be so hard on yourself regarding someone you barely spoke with, let alone knew?
    I guess.
    There are some things about him which fulfill my checklist...
    The career thing..hes around my age..and hes good looking..

  2. #42
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Aren't there recent pics on your profile? You should have at least recent one head shot and one recent full length shot on your profile. That rules out a lot of incompatible matches. Exchanging still photos seems like nonsense. If you can't meet because of corona right away, suggest a brief videochat, otherwise meet.

    This guy gave up and didn't reply to your last message so all you can do is date smarter going forward.

    You also need a cohesive strategy. For example you can suggest things, such as a videochat or meeting for coffee. If there are 'too many creeps' on the app you are using, get a higher quality (paid) app. Do not send photos and delete anyone who asks. They should see pics on your profile and meet you in person (or videochat if corona restrictions apply)

    You are going to get very burned out entertaining time wasters and sending memes, nonsense, etc. in fact your assertion that you get more than your share of creeps among your friends, indicates that. How come they are having better luck?

    The key is not to get this hung up on occupations, assumptions, etc and just meet. It doesn't matter if they claim to be a multimillionaire living in an estate on the beach, drives a Maserati, etc. Pics can be easily gotten off the internet. It means squat unless you meet.
    Originally Posted by Freya112
    It was then followed by...send me a photo first though(another photo he already has one) ..so he then turned into a conditional meet up. Based on if he likes my second photo.

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by Freya112
    He asked do i want to meet him? He didnt say i want to meet you or we should get together sometime it would be fun. So i didnt see the way he asked me as a kind gesture necessarily.
    It was then followed by...send me a photo first though(another photo he already has one) ..so he then turned into a conditional meet up. Based on if he likes my second photo. Or that's how he made it sound
    Good grief, you're creating problems where they don't exist.

    His invitation to meet was fine. So what if he didn't use the precise wording you want? The intention to meet was there. He was asking because you've previously dipsy-doddled around and he had no clue if you wanted to actually meet him in person. It was a fair question with no malicious intent.

    As for his request for another pic? Also a valid question, given your previous evasive behaviour. You're throwing up warning signs that you're a catfish and not the person in the first photo you sent. I don't believe he was attempting to judge your appearance. I think he was just trying to validate who he is actually talking to. That makes sense when you've been so sketchy in your communication with him.

    It seems you are not ready for a real relationship. You're too frightened so you're sabotaging it before it even get off the ground. I don't know what other outcome you genuinely expected here?

  4. #44

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Aren't there recent pics on your profile? You should have at least recent one head shot and one recent full length shot on your profile. That rules out a lot of incompatible matches. Exchanging still photos seems like nonsense. If you can't meet because of corona right away, suggest a brief videochat, otherwise meet.

    This guy gave up and didn't reply to your last message so all you can do is date smarter going forward.

    You also need a cohesive strategy. For example you can suggest things, such as a videochat or meeting for coffee. If there are 'too many creeps' on the app you are using, get a higher quality (paid) app. Do not send photos and delete anyone who asks. They should see pics on your profile and meet you in person (or videochat if corona restrictions apply)

    You are going to get very burned out entertaining time wasters and sending memes, nonsense, etc. in fact your assertion that you get more than your share of creeps among your friends, indicates that. How come they are having better luck?

    The key is not to get this hung up on occupations, assumptions, etc and just meet. It doesn't matter if they claim to be a multimillionaire living in an estate on the beach, drives a Maserati, etc. Pics can be easily gotten off the internet. It means squat unless you meet.
    I always change my photos on my apps. All my photos are recents. I unmatched him a long time ago when there was a disagreement. He has my number and we communicate that way.
    Believe it or not its a paid app. And people actually pay to act like a creep 😂.
    I would rather not spend any money whatsoever after viewing the quality of people..there are features which would be available to me had i paid. I.e stricter criteria.

    Their standards are lower in the sense the people they find are not that attractive ( to me anyway). My friends i mean. They dont meet creeps because they were too scared to meet anyone off apps.

    I think this guy assumed i took some random pic of a girl off thr internet. I guess im flattered he thinks someone would use that photo. Which is actually me 😂😂

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  6. #45

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Good grief, you're creating problems where they don't exist.

    His invitation to meet was fine. So what if he didn't use the precise wording you want? The intention to meet was there. He was asking because you've previously dipsy-doddled around and he had no clue if you wanted to actually meet him in person. It was a fair question with no malicious intent.

    As for his request for another pic? Also a valid question, given your previous evasive behaviour. You're throwing up warning signs that you're a catfish and not the person in the first photo you sent. I don't believe he was attempting to judge your appearance. I think he was just trying to validate who he is actually talking to. That makes sense when you've been so sketchy in your communication with him.

    It seems you are not ready for a real relationship. You're too frightened so you're sabotaging it before it even get off the ground. I don't know what other outcome you genuinely expected here?
    Perhaps im holding on to small things, and expecting too much.
    I think with my past experiences i accepted a lot of bad behaviour so now im extra careful over things.

    You're right it ws a fair question.
    Initially i did think he just wanted confirmation that i am who i am. But then someone else was like he wants to see if you're f******* (excuse the rude word, but its what they said). And how would sending another picture confirm im not a catfish because i could easily get two pics that are not me. I suspect its a mixture of the two.

    🤔 and to your last paragraph.. i know 🤔

  7. #46
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    But you are not paying, so? Why you afraid to videochat or meet?
    Originally Posted by Freya112
    had i paid.

  8. #47
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How many forums is this posted on?
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    You posted this on another forum and the other members gave you the same advice. You thought they were being negative towards your situation and some of them called you out on your behaviour

  9. #48
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Everything you've just accounted for is pretty much what you will continue to expect if you continue to online date. People will test you. You test them. None of it is surprising, from my experience. But at the same time all these same things seem to rattle you.

    All in all this just doesn't seem like a medium that works for you. Either that or you need to change the way you approach it, because what you are doing isn't working.

    No point disecting it any further. Besides the guy in question already left the room.

  10. #49
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Wiseman, one other that I know of. Freya, is any of it helping? Both sites?

    I think you've gotten some good advice on how to handle situations like this. I'm not impressed with the way he asked you to text him a photo of yourself when you already have updated photos of yourself on the site/app. That's just silly and lazy on his part. There's also a good chance he's talking to others and he forgot what you looked like. Good for you for being hesitant. I wouldn't give a second glance to someone who asked me text him photos of myself.

    He's not the last guy on earth. There are others. Enjoy your youth.

    All things pass. This will too. There are all kinds of people out there. It's natural not to immediately find someone you click with. You're sort of holding onto this person and it could be stopping you from meeting new people? Why sabotage yourself like that? Time to move on and don't keep chatting with someone if they don't appear sincere, lazy, brain-dead, etc. to you from the get-go.

  11. #50
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    He said the same thing earlier about when are we going to break down invisible barriers. He meant the screen in between.
    So how many men did you reject based on that?


    As I recall, probably at least six. My goal was to find a lifetime companion. It's a lot of work, very time consuming, almost like a part time job. You have to date a boatload of people to find someone you share chemistry with AND matches you in all the major ways. Usually doesn't happen with the very first guy you date from OLD. Instead of thinking of it as barrier, think of it as using good sense, using your gut, and cutting off the losers either before you meet or after the first date. You now speak of red flags you had about the guy, so instead of cutting him off back then, you put him on ice, and had a wait and see attitude. You're being wishy-washy. You weren't comfortable with him during discussions, but you kept him wiggling on the line anyway.

    And did you find anyone in the end to date properly.

    I went on dates with about 30 men over a two and a half year period. Most only resulted in one date. One or both of us didn't feel chemistry. Or personalities didn't mesh. So what? Next! Sure, some experiences were frustrating and upsetting. That's par for the course with OLD. If I communicated two months before going out on an actual date, timewise, that would've taken me five years to date 30 men versus the two and a half years it took me to find "the one." Each person's experience is different, but I found my future husband on OLD.

    [B]Look I've always had barriers, im a reserved person. So that isnt for you to judge and then assume i have "smelly baggage".. what a rotten term. Im not trying to be funny but i have had some poor experiences with some men who have had a multitude of issues, either that or they were complete knobs whether it be online or offline.

    Has nothing to do with the next date. Don't expect the worst. Expect that you won't find out who a person is until you meet and gradually get to know him. Delaying that meeting does more harm than good, that is of course in the brief time you've been communicating, you've decided he's free of red flags. Don't take getting coffee in a safe public place so seriously. It's a chance to enjoy someone's company without projecting to the future. I dated jerks too, but I didn't give up or make men jump through hoops because of what I'd been through. I dated at a normal pace.

    This guy jumped to conclusions about me.. that i must be a catfish or im using him to have a texting friend. But none of those are true. [/B]
    Because the point of dating is to meet up within a few weeks. If you're not willing to do that, don't be on OLD. Of course you can vette people, but that doesn't take months without a first meet.

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