Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 7 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 63

Thread: What should i say to him?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    56
    Posts
    7,981
    Gender
    Male
    He asked you to if you want to meet and you told him "I don't mind" If I was him and after all the hoops you had him jump through I would drop it totally. Either you are excited about meeting him or not. I would say not.

    I have dealt with women like you many times and I learned to just drop it after a while. If I have to coax some woman into talking on the phone then she is in no condition to be in a healthy relationship. I am very patient and understanding but I also understand that there are a lot of people doing OLD that have no business being on the app. This guy was a trooper for hanging on so long and the worst part is you don't even know this guy at all since you haven't met. It isn't real until you meet in person.

    Do one of two things:

    1. Cal this guy today and apologize for being so flaking and tell him you would like to buy him a coffee and get to know him in person.

    2. Hide your profile and figure out what your issues are so you do not drag some other poor guy down the same path again.

    Lost

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,527
    Gender
    Female
    You posted this on another forum and the other members gave you the same advice. You thought they were being negative towards your situation and some of them called you out on your behaviour. This is virtually a carbon copy reaction to you on the other site.

    Why wasn't the advice over there good enough? I can understand you might want a second opinion because you feel slighted or annoyed with this guy.

    This ship has sailed.

    My advice to you remains the same also: Prioritize your life better. When you're ready to date you'll feel more prepared and able to balance or juggle things in your life.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    11,040
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Freya112
    Its definitely not strange or unusual behaviour. How many times do men/ women act like this? Men mostly actually ..but are actually playing mind games

    On the surface it looks like im playing games but im genuinely not. I always had an intention to meet the guy from the beginning. Only recently (well 2 months ago) he asked.

    But you are right in everything youre saying. I think ive come across a lot of weird people on the apps..who are casual/or just want an ego boost...so when someone serious came along i didnt know what to do.
    I think you are missing the point. I would have stopped communicating with you the moment you said you wouldn't speak with me on the phone.
    Noone should have to work that hard to get to know you.
    You said you 'always' had the intention on meeting him, yet when he asked you if you wanted to you you said no or I don't mind.
    I wouldn't blame him for not responding.
    Personally, I might exchange a couple emails, a couple texts and then I will want to speak with you on the phone. This would happen within a the first week of first contact. If the call went well, we agree to meet.
    Mind you, this transpires all within a week to 10 days. NOT months of texts and road blocks, breaks and repeated turn downs.
    You mentioned that 'they' are looking for ego boosts. It appears your intention is to not meet them and drag this out. It might look like you are the one doing this for the ego boost. Because it's clearly not about actually meeting someone.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 06-12-2020 at 11:12 AM.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,154
    Gender
    Male
    Yep, there are a lot of bored toilet texters out there, who just want pings. How romantic is it to know you are chitchatting with someone who could be taking a dump? Endless texting is cheap and lazy at best. it could also be someone married, a catfish, scammer etc.

    Tune up your profile, improve your search parameters, and ditch the weirdos early on. Anyone who wont meet is someone you delete and move on. It's a red flag. It sounds like you are insecure about your looks or have something to hide.
    Originally Posted by Freya112
    the hundreds of weird men ive come across on the app is unbelievable.

    He totally ignored my last message.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    186
    Originally Posted by Freya112
    He was interested in meeting. And was always serious.thats why i am probably still keeping in touch with him.

    Only reason he was showing doubt and holding back i think because he wasnt sure of my intentions hence saying at one point "i knew things wouldnt go anywhere between us".
    And "i do not want to be just your penpal".
    My point is nobody can be, or should be, that "serious" before even meeting you. He could have had a sincere intention to meet and get to know you, but if the other person isn't interested people usually lose interest right there and then. If a person is all "serious" and keeps chasing a dating app match they haven't even met, they are likely delusional and attached to a fictional idea they build in their head instead of the person they are chasing because they know close to nothing about that person.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,402
    You're not ready to date if it's this difficult for you to even meet the guy in person.

    He's not wasting his time on you anymore.

  8. #17

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    27
    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Taking things slowly? For one thing, it's fine to exchange some texts and have at least have one phone call before being comfortable to meet, but that meet up needs to happen within the first few weeks. Seeing a person in person is when you really start to get to know them. It's scratching the surface of reality instead of being stuck behind a possible smokescreen of fantasy land where people can lie about their age, gender, and a myriad of other things.

    It's a dating app not a pen pal site. When I did OLD, I did the same thing as the guy you've been speaking to. If a guy didn't soon suggest getting together, I sometimes broached the subject, and if they had some excuse, I bailed out of communication for good. I wanted a companion to actually enjoy life with, going on hikes, eating meals together. Why would I waste time on a person who obviously doesn't want the same?

    To me, going slow is total nonsense. If you're not ready to date in a normal pace, then you're not ready to date. Because I'm assuming you're lugging around toxic, smelly baggage from the past where you're putting up barriers you expect some guy is going to exhaust himself hurdling over. A guy with really poor self esteem might give it a go, but a together guy will walk away and find someone who is emotionally available.
    He said the same thing earlier about when are we going to break down invisible barriers. He meant the screen in between.

    So how many men did you reject based on that? And did you find anyone in the end to date properly.

    Look I've always had barriers, im a reserved person. So that isnt for you to judge and then assume i have "smelly baggage".. what a rotten term. Im not trying to be funny but i have had some poor experiences with some men who have had a multitude of issues, either that or they were complete knobs whether it be online or offline.

    This guy jumped to conclusions about me.. that i must be a catfish or im using him to have a texting friend. But none of those are true.

  9. #18

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    27
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Yep, there are a lot of bored toilet texters out there, who just want pings. How romantic is it to know you are chitchatting with someone who could be taking a dump? Endless texting is cheap and lazy at best. it could also be someone married, a catfish, scammer etc.

    Tune up your profile, improve your search parameters, and ditch the weirdos early on. Anyone who wont meet is someone you delete and move on. It's a red flag. It sounds like you are insecure about your looks or have something to hide.
    Sounds like. Well if that's what it sounds like he will probably assume the same

    Actually i get a lot of attention from men off the app, im not short of attention and i certainly dont think i look bad.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    13,974
    "Not to mention he wasnt even that attractive ( i was definitely better)and was short so i was like 🤔🤔."
    Wow, really?

    Do you think he should put up with your wishy-washy behavior because you're "better" than him? Or he should be grateful you pay attention to him when you're "bored"?

  11. #20

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    27
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I think you are missing the point. I would have stopped communicating with you the moment you said you wouldn't speak with me on the phone.
    Noone should have to work that hard to get to know you.
    You said you 'always' had the intention on meeting him, yet when he asked you if you wanted to you you said no or I don't mind.
    I wouldn't blame him for not responding.
    Personally, I might exchange a couple emails, a couple texts and then I will want to speak with you on the phone. This would happen within a the first week of first contact. If the call went well, we agree to meet.
    Mind you, this transpires all within a week to 10 days. NOT months of texts and road blocks, breaks and repeated turn downs.
    You mentioned that 'they' are looking for ego boosts. It appears your intention is to not meet them and drag this out. It might look like you are the one doing this for the ego boost. Because it's clearly not about actually meeting someone.
    I do not need the ego boost. I have stopped speaking to plenty of guys who were giving me exactly that.

    I do want to meet him, but with the pandemic its a different story. Could meet anyone and suddenly end up with the virus. So this isnt normal times.

Page 2 of 7 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast

Videos


Why Young People Don't Rush To Marry? They Fear Divorce

Why People Lie On Online Dating Services?

Relationships During Quarantine

Cheating Husbands Are at Risk of a Heart Attack

Romance At Work: Yes Or No?

How To Overcome A Divorce
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •