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Thread: Not sure about girlfriends guy friend

  1. #11
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jrw
    She has no friends because she moved back from California to Florida a few years ago, all her friends are in Cali. Tbh she comes across as picky with friends and they need to meet a certain age criteria due to more maturity
    If she had friends before why can't she make friends now?

    I moved to another state and was able to make friends pretty quickly. I just moved states again and still have friends. My friends are all ages.

    What is the reason for the age restrictions? She wants more mature friends who don't party? Or she wants younger friends who she can party with?

  2. #12
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    She met her other friends online, she also says she’s always busy with work to meet people but that’s a lie. She’s trying a phone app out now to meet more female friends. As for Age restrictions- she wants more mature friends who either party or don’t party, that part doesn’t matter; its more of having meaningful conversations with people and having mature people

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this her husbands brother or her sisters ex husband? The mother goes dancing with them? She's a grown woman. If her behavior is off lay back and observe.

    The tighter you pull the reins the more she'll assert herself and the more you position yourself as parent and prison guard. No quicker way to start a power struggle and get the ball rolling on resentment. That is precisely why your ex is an ex.
    Originally Posted by jrw
    I shouldn’t try to control her because I had an ex that told me to stop going out with female friends in the past and I hated hearing that.

  4. #14
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    It just sucks cause this is the first person who has told me they see themselves marrying me one day (we set boundaries with that waiting 2 years at least) cause she got married to her ex after like 8 months (he was in the military so not sure if that swayed it). I don’t think she’s in a party phase cause she used to party more when she was married, compared to when she was with me. Literally every Friday and Saturday night in the past 8 months, she stays in with me or we go out with my friends sometimes to get dinner. She’s only gone out clubbing like a handful of times since she’s been with me. I know if I brought it up every weekend she’d probably be down to go out clubbing and dancing but that’s not what actually happens in our weekends.

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  6. #15
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    I could be way off but brother in law or not I think she's been sleeping with him. 41yo men don't just 'go dancing' with 24yo women...and 'family' is a term very often used and abused. I would even wonder if he had played some part in her divorce.

  7. #16
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    My girlfriends brother is in his 30s, he has a wife. The guy she goes out dancing with is the brother of this wife. And yeah my girlfriends mother doesn’t go out anymore with the brother in law, because her boyfriend cut off the brother in law- but her moms boyfriend is insecure so.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Hanging out with the bil 3 times in 8 months is not a hill you want to die on. That's pretty much normal friendship type parameters, in fact almost distant. Would be different if they were out every single week. That would raise an eyebrow.

    If she is only going out once a month socially on her own, again nothing to be complaining about. Sounds like she is going out when you are out yourself doing your own thing. This is normal and healthy. You both should have things you do together, but also be able to do things apart without either one of you getting upset about it. She is right that she doesn't need to sit home bored while you are out with your friends doing your own thing. Don't have double standards.

    Overall, sounds a bit like maybe you two need to find and add in some mutual friends and more mutual activities and entertainment away from home. Create and keep that balance of doing things together, shared friends, but also going out and doing your own things separately.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jrw
    You’re right I did know this before. I will think about this (she’s out of town so I have a week to myself).

    As for the party girl stuff I don’t understand it because she partied in undergrad a lot too, even when married, so you’d think she would’ve gotten it out. I do agree that moving in at 7 months might’ve been a bit fast but we both agreed we were sure about it and each other.
    Good lord she's only 24....not an age to stop having fun. This where you to are incompatible, you expect her to shift her lifestyle completely to suit your expectations. As for moving in together, just because it was agreed upon doesn't make it the right thing to do.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jrw
    It just sucks cause this is the first person who has told me they see themselves marrying me one day (we set boundaries with that waiting 2 years at least) cause she got married to her ex after like 8 months (he was in the military so not sure if that swayed it). I don’t think she’s in a party phase cause she used to party more when she was married, compared to when she was with me. Literally every Friday and Saturday night in the past 8 months, she stays in with me or we go out with my friends sometimes to get dinner. She’s only gone out clubbing like a handful of times since she’s been with me. I know if I brought it up every weekend she’d probably be down to go out clubbing and dancing but that’s not what actually happens in our weekends.
    You two are in the honeymoon phase and talk of marriage is just that talk and should never be taken as a promise. So do not base this on your decision to cloud your judgement on what is going on with your relationship. To add things can change....most are on their best behavior in the beginning...after about a year that staying home can fade fast and furious.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    She hasn't even been officially divorced for 6 months and she's already talking about marrying you?

    Moving in so fast, marriage talk way too soon...I have to presume she is extremely physically attractive or something for you to not see these things as huge, glaring red flags.

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