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Thread: I'm struggling to deal with my boyfriends gaming addiction in lockdown

  1. #11
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    My Son & his Wife are both gamers. Its what they do, to the point of having 2 tvs in their bedroom so they can play different games together lol

    I dont game, never have, and I dont see the attraction, but I watch crappy tv & crochet, so we all have our weird "me time" things.

    So, I honestly think you two arent compatible. He isnt giving up gaming, and you arent a gamer, so it will be very difficult to both meet in the middle over this issue. You need to find someone you have a common interest with.
    No point going through life miserable, and trying to change the other person

  2. #12
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    Gaming was never an issue until lockdown.
    Iím sensing the issue is yours and not his.

    It sounds like you would be ok with it as long as it didnít disturb your Netflix viewing.

    During lockdown if he sleeps 10hrs per day and awake for 14hrs per day , what is wrong with 3hrs gaming?
    What is he doing the other 11hrs? And what are you doing?

    Iím guessing you arenít going for 10hr walks?

    Are you perhaps arranging walks when his friends are online gaming and therefore interrupting the bit of social interaction he can have with others during lockdown?

    How much gaming time is acceptable to you?
    One hour per day?
    Would you be happy to reduce Netflix time to one hr per day? So not even time to watch a movie in its entirety?

    Have you tried to compromise? Or itís just on him to suit you?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mysterygirl24
    Just to make things clear... I did NOT force my boyfriend to have therapy. I helped him understand that he may have an unhealthy problem. It was his decision to get professional help, which he is and discovering tremendous amounts of help and self development. I support that.
    No, you just took advantage of his hospitality and sacrifice of any personal space to nag him and raise very vocal arguments for two months over what is a very minor habit, especially given the global circumstances.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Take walks with friends and family. Focus on your Own mental health. Stop trying to change him. Focus on yourself.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mysterygirl24
    Just to make things clear... I did NOT force my boyfriend to have therapy. I helped him understand that he may have an unhealthy problem. It was his decision to get professional help, which he is and discovering tremendous amounts of help and self development. I support that.
    I think the space is too small to begin with and the both of you need to mature a little more before you live together. It's too soon and you've only dated for two years. His yelling is inconsiderate. It just shows he has no sense of space or time. I can understand a one or two time thing but causing disruptions in a quiet space and yelling is ridiculous especially in a shared and confined area.

    Right now you're at your parents' place. Are your parents asking about the both of you or pressuring you to leave their house? I don't see what is the big hurry to start your lives together.

    You saw something that wasn't quite working for you and you both separated after much arguing.

    Time out and have a good, hard think about whether this person is right for you.

    I do not think you are being unreasonable. Both of you are on separate wavelengths.

    Go to therapy if you feel it will help you also but for goodness sake, don't go if you feel the problem is him and his addiction to video games. There are other ways to occupy a person's time. If that annoys you, don't spend a lot of time with this person. The relationship may not survive but stay respectful of each other and respect YOURSELF.

    Find your own place and live independently away from a partner or your family. You may be wanting to experience your independence but are doing it in all the wrong ways.

    Have you considered buying your own home or renting and living on your own?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Decide whether too-much-too-soon 'must' equal somebody's fault.

    This needn't become an issue of who is wrong. Blaming is a waste of the exercise. Cramming two adults into a single room for the duration of a pandemic lockdown made no sense and didn't work out.

    So decide whether this is a dealbreaker or a situation that can be approached in more healthy ways, such as giving one another the space to do stuff on your own. Figure out what activities can inspire you to pursue for yourself.

    Make dates with BF and allow him to reciprocate by making dates with you. If he flakes on those dates, let that tell you what it should tell you about whether he's the right match for you.

    Nobody feels fabulous during this pandemic. We're all stressed and frightened to varying degrees, and it's not the time to gaslight yourself into believing that you're essentially damaged for having some bad days.

  8. #17
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    You two are not compatible.

    Why are you incapable of doing things on your own? Do you always have to do everything with your bf?

    I hope that you are helping around the house? Are you also contributing financially?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Mysterygirl24
    When he wasnít on the playstation he played games on his phone and his laptop, resulting in majority of the day.
    I dated a guy who didn't game much at all. We move in together. He starts playing World of Warcraft which turned into all night, and on days off from work, even when we were in a tropical paradise, to having me rush home from couple events, so he could play.

    How I truly found relationship happiness is with someone else! Each day he has a chance to make it right. Each day, he chooses a game over you. I tried begging, demanding, compromising...nothing made him stop. So don't for one second blame yourself. Plenty of AWESOME, BETTER, ATTENTIVE DUDES out there for you! Don't settle. Stop settling.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Let gaming be your guy's girlfriend. Since he's obsessed with gaming, part ways and be with a man who knows how to treat you right. Be with a man who is reasonable and isn't fixated on very time consuming addictions.

    My husband and I have our own set of various hobbies, exercise routines and interests. He enjoys visiting automobile shows, exhibits and museums. After a few years of that, I'm no longer willing to tag along so he attends alone while I exercise or sew quilts for babies and friends after dinner. He enjoys doing yard work. I do not so he pushes a lawnmower and tends to the roses while I enjoy cooking. We enjoy the lake, boating, picnics, walks around our local golf course, game nights (board / card games), turn the phones OFF and home improvement type activities. I enjoy reading books (not e-books). He enjoys crossword puzzles. We have balanced and fair schedules and timelines in our lives. We never infringe upon each others time.

    I've noticed that people who are abnormally attached to the Internet, their cell phones 24 / 7, gaming, eat excessively, drink too much alcohol, drugs, watch too much TV, care more for their pets than people, tend to sacrifice their human and personal relationships. They have difficulty empathizing and relating to others or they simply refuse to to do because they're so selfish, self centered and self serving. I've known geniuses in the classroom, at the workplace and talented types yet they're inept with their interpersonal skills, experts at gaslighting, tricky, sneaky, manipulative, incredibly deceptive and devoid of emotional intelligence (EQ).

    Become a good read of people. Educate yourself in human psychology. Avoid those who are "off." It's okay to become very picky and choosy because it will save you a lot of grief later. Always listen to the intelligent voice inside you because it's always right on the mark. Always heed your gut intuition. Never go against your better judgment. Only select high quality, very classy, decent, honorable deserving people in your life.

    The rest of them? Let them be with their own kind. Birds of a feather flock together.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    I absolutely agree with you Cherlyn:

    "I've noticed that people who are abnormally attached to the Internet, their cell phones 24 / 7, gaming, eat excessively, drink too much alcohol, drugs, watch too much TV, care more for their pets than people, tend to sacrifice their human and personal relationships. They have difficulty empathizing and relating to others or they simply refuse to to do because they're so selfish, self centered and self serving. I've known geniuses in the classroom, at the workplace and talented types yet they're inept with their interpersonal skills, experts at gaslighting, tricky, sneaky, manipulative, incredibly deceptive and devoid of emotional intelligence (EQ)."

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