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Thread: Keeping in touch after a few dates before lockdown

  1. #1
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    Keeping in touch after a few dates before lockdown

    About a month before lockdown began i bumped in to a guy I briefly dated a couple of years ago in the pub and got chatting. It hadnít worked out before because I was fresh out of a long term relationship and he could sense I wasnít able to open up to him.

    After bumping in to each other, I messaged him and asked if he wanted to go for a coffee the following week. We did, and then dinner a couple of weeks later, and then dinner which led to more about a week after that. We were chatting by text every day too.

    Then lockdown hit, and great timing, heís a medical professional on the front line.

    So he said he couldnít date but that it would be nice to stay in touch. At first we text every day...then every two...and now itís kind of one or two texts twice a week or so. Chat doesnít go anywhere other than kinda Ďhowís your week going?í I feel like I always want to give more than he does and I canít tell if thatís lack of interest or the situation.

    I really would like to see if it could go anywhere when lockdown is over, but Iím just not sure how to judge the current situation because the lockdown means itís just stagnated. Dating is obviously not at the front of his mind at the moment, whereas Iím looking forward to hearing from him and that just means Iím constantly disappointed when he doesnít reply for a few days!

    I feel like the contact weíve been having is so boring that it just feels like itís become routine. I donít want to stop texting him, but also, surely he must feel the same?

    If weíd been dating for a while itíd be different. But it was literally had three dates. Not enough to know someone well enough to know if it will go anywhere or ask them personal questions, but enough to know I would like to see if it goes anywhere after lockdown.

    Should I just maintain the couple of texts a week? In a normal world, if someone was dropping off Iíd just say bye, but I donít know I can expect more than this when we havenít seen eachother for nearly ten weeks!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    I wouldn't read too much into it.

    For the first couple weeks after the lock down, texts between my friends, family, and I were flying like crazy. But there was a sharp drop off at some point. I don't even know when.

    I still have a relationship with all of these people. Nothing drastic happened to change that. I think it's as you said, the chat didn't go anywhere.

    After the first few weeks, the situation lost its novelty and we all settled into our routines.

    Originally Posted by rubys
    Should I just maintain the couple of texts a week? In a normal world, if someone was dropping off Iíd just say bye
    What would you rather do?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I'm going to presume that, as a medical professional during a pandemic, he's physically and mentally exhausted. I would presume he's doing the best he can.

    Are you still working? Working from home? Do you live alone or with family or roomies?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Step back, gauge things from there. He may only be texting because you are.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I wouldn't read too much into it.

    For the first couple weeks after the lock down, texts between my friends, family, and I were flying like crazy. But there was a sharp drop off at some point. I don't even know when.

    I still have a relationship with all of these people. Nothing drastic happened to change that. I think it's as you said, the chat didn't go anywhere.

    After the first few weeks, the situation lost its novelty and we all settled into our routines.



    What would you rather do?
    Same with me... communication with everyone seems slow. There just isn't a lot to say and nothing to really do.

    I'd just wait. What choice do you have? If you question it, you're going to sound really out of touch with the fact that there's a pandemic happening right now.

    its not like anyone has any real choice. Don't force it. Ride it out...

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I wouldn't read too much into it.

    For the first couple weeks after the lock down, texts between my friends, family, and I were flying like crazy. But there was a sharp drop off at some point. I don't even know when.

    I still have a relationship with all of these people. Nothing drastic happened to change that. I think it's as you said, the chat didn't go anywhere.

    After the first few weeks, the situation lost its novelty and we all settled into our routines.



    What would you rather do?
    Same for me. Plus, everyone is doing the same damn thing, week after week. What is his profession?

    OP, why don't you pick up the phone and talk to him, it is certainly more interesting than a text

  8. #7
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    I would tell him that I'd love to talk on the phone when he has some free time. If he never called, I'd give up on him.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Agree on the phone time or a phone call as opposed to texting but please don't be doing all the work. Let him come to you when he's ready. I'd give it another month or two. Don't be in a hurry. Do you work? Just focus on your career at the moment or stick to other hobbies.

    I wouldn't think dating is all that reliable right now with the restrictions and added stress and tension. Just put it out of your mind for the time being and consider it officially paused for now by default. Anything that magically fruits during this time will be an anomaly. You'll give yourself a whole lot less headache and give yourself and others time to recoup from all the losses of this year so far.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He is distancing himself by using bland responses to fade out. He knows who you are and what you want. He is not that interested. You are chasing too much.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    social distancing & dating is a new one for everybody i guess. His professional work makes him unavailable or available at odd times due to the pandemic and the amount of work that doctors, nurses are doing there. He may not be available to you always is that ok with you? if not i did move on from this. I understand it could be stressful at both ends. Its quite a challenging time to date someone too.

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