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Thread: what do we do

  1. #21
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    Latest up date so I just seen ex as my turn to drop my daughter off at work. She was sad. When I asked if she was OK she started crying. I said what's up she said I just want things to be how they used to be. I said well they can do (no response).
    I said its ok if you are seeing someome else you can tell me but she didn't.
    I'm soooo confused. (My gut says she is)
    I also said answer me honestly ... do you love me? She said yes ill always love you. So I don't get it

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. It sounds like she misses your life together as a family, but doesn't want to settle for an asexual life that she had with you.

  3. #23
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    that fills me full of confidence, so you mean she liked being with me but now having better sex? That don't help me bro

  4. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Love is a pretty loose term. I'd ask whether her definition of love means returning to the kind of frendszies you've both been playing, or whether she wants a committed relationship with you.

    If she doesn't 'know' or isn't clear about wanting the commitment, I'd tell her she can let me know of that changes, but I'm not up for playing the emotional Red Cross to someone who isn't all-in with me.

    Don't manipulate, and don't be manipulated.

    Head high.

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  6. #25
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    does this backing off really work?

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you mean to get her back? It would help to stop the brother-sister sleep overs, yes. It may not lead to reconciliation, but it would be less hurtful for you. She left because of the brother-sister thing so asexual sleepovers simply reinforces that.
    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    does this backing off really work?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    Latest up date so I just seen ex as my turn to drop my daughter off at work. She was sad. When I asked if she was OK she started crying. I said what's up she said I just want things to be how they used to be. I said well they can do (no response).
    I said its ok if you are seeing someome else you can tell me but she didn't.
    I'm soooo confused. (My gut says she is)
    I also said answer me honestly ... do you love me? She said yes ill always love you. So I don't get it
    This starts out talking about your daughter. Then it makes no sense.

    Who is confusing what?

  9. #28
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    Sorry i just meant it was my turn to pickmy daughter up. Thats why I went to exes house. The rest of imotions were about ex.
    Sorry for confusion

  10. #29
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Darcus. You ask:

    "does this backing off really work?"
    Fast answer is yes, in order for you to get back to yourself, and no other reason. You remarked in another post that she is "like a drug". Well, backing off any drug can only be good for the addict, in order to recover.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You need to view this as an addiction.
    The withdrawals are guaranteed to be painful. Accept that.
    You admit that when you see her it eases the pain of withdrawal. Much like an alcoholic taking a drink after abstaining for a week. And then you start all over again from the bottom, working your way up.
    But you never get to the other side unless you abstain. It tends to get worse before it gets better. But you push through the hard part with the promise that things are indeed better on the other side. You heal, get your balance back and come to peace with this.
    At some point you are open to find someone who wants the same thing you do and you'll be able to look back at this with some objectivity and
    wonder why you put up with for so long.
    I get you love her, but it's never a good enough reason to love for someone at the expense of yourself. You end up hating yourself in the process.
    Believe you deserve better.
    And you may or may not need antidepressant?
    But it doesnt negate the need to end this push and pull with someone who plays with your emotions. There is no magic pill for that. This calls for pulling yourself up, having the self esteem to say no more and grieving the end of this relationship. It won't be overnight, but what you think you need medication for while heal itself at some point. But you have to start somewhere.
    People go through this all the time. You aren't alone and we all survived and 99% of us found love again.

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