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Thread: what do we do

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The sleepovers need to stop. It's confusing to you and your kids.

  2. #12
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    the girls are 16 and 21 so not so confusing for them. I guess she is like a drug to me, I know what your saying is right but ant let her go. The pain is bad, when I see her almost like I get a fix then after start thinking bad thoughts. I suppose it don't help that I live in our family home. I still have family photos on the wall whats that all about? But I go to hers and no pics.
    Thank you all for bejng my life line

  3. #13
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    It's never an ex who positions us in limbo, it's ourselves. As you're learning, limbo is a high-stress-no-win place to be.

    Ultimatums make no sense, because they back a person into a corner, and nobody responds well to that and without resentment. Resentment kills any potential wins.

    So skip the eggshell walk and be honest. "I've been hovering in the hope that the two of us might reconcile. I sense that that's not what you want. But this friendzies thing we do keeps me tied to hope. So I need to take some time away from you to get realistic with myself and heal. This doesn't mean that we can never be friends again, it just means that I need to be alone in privacy to redirect my focus and move forward with my own life without questions or expectations from you. If you ever decide that reconciling a committed relationship is something you want, you can let me know. Otherwise, I wish you the best, and I'll reach out someday when I feel strong enough to view a friendship with you through the right lens."

    Then there you are, the best of both worlds. You've left your door open to either reconciling OR a future friendship when you are better able to handle it, but you've closed ex's access to your private life and your ability to move yourself and your focus forward.

    Head high.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I can tell you, lurking around, jumping when she says jump, contacting her asking to see her or always agreeing when she wants to see you is NOT attractive and doesn't make a woman see you as romantic partner material, no matter what your past history with that woman is.

    You appear to her to have nothing going on in your own life. Again, not attractive.

    A man with a full life who has his own things going on is much more attractive.

  5.  

  6. #15
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    Great advice im going to go with that from tomorrow. Thank you so much

  7. #16
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    such wise words from you all. Thank you, can I ask have you been in the same situation then?

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    such wise words from you all. Thank you, can I ask have you been in the same situation then?
    I have not but was left after a 16 year relationship. One day everything was fine, the next day she left me for another guy. Out of the blue.

    Unlike you I had no option to remain connected. My ex completely disappeared. Worst time of my life but I had to do things the hard way. Straightforward and alone. Almost impossible to do at first. I literally did not eat for weeks and got next to no sleep. I actually couldíve died. But I did not care.

    Time heals all. You just got to hold on tight for a while...

    Sounds like your ex just wants to keep a hook in you in fear you will actually start to heal and move on. Thatís pretty messed up. She seems very selfish.

    Either way you cut it, you need to start dealing with being alone. You have no choice.

  9. #18
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    She left because we were like brother and sister we both liked a drink but we both stopped later on.
    Just so bloody painful
    how do you become brother sister? doesnt make sense at all.
    Go your separate ways it doesn't sound healthy at all if these are the feelings you get through it.

  10. #19
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    hi destroyed33 thanks fir your response. Can I ask are you better now? How long ago was it?
    I totally get you not eating, stomach constantly spinning/churning

    Its so hard, especially after work, at work I have a mask I put on (an act of happy go lucky me) . Then once home I ha e a few beers which I think helps me but clearly doesn't cause iwake at silly o'clock in the morning and it hits me like a train.
    Thought about going to docs to get antidepressants. I know all replies state cut off contact but for 1 I cant as we have kids (not actually kids i know). And for 2 she wants to be friends and says she always wants me in her life.
    HELP.
    Thank you all. Pls help if you can.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Help.

    What Destroyed said:

    "Either way you cut it, you need to start dealing with being alone. You have no choice."

    Please cease making excuses for not cutting off contact. That is what is holding you back.

    You say: I guess she is like a drug to me,

    Well, you have no choice but to kick the habit. Do it now.

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