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Thread: Should I accept my partners need to have ex lovers on Social media pages?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    This is a maturity and incompatibility issue. You both have very different views on morals, values and what's appropriate. You are at an impasse. Just because she says she's ready doesn't mean it's the right decision to get married or that she's the right one to get married to. She's not because she wants to keep her past,...for sentimental reasons? worried of losing her identity? Loss of individuality? it's possible. It's harmless? can be, but that doesn't change the way you feel about it. Unfortunately that's a big part of her life you are telling her to let go of. Maybe a few years or more down the road she will adjust and start letting go because she has developed a new life, new friends, etc. It's a gamble.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Time to rebuild your self-esteem. Trying to change her is futile because you have spoken time and time again, she has dismissed you and you are both at an impasse.

    This appears to bother you a lot and over a long period of time. It isn't sudden and it's been a progressive or pervasive issue it appears throughout a lot of the relationship.

    Why live in perpetual discomfort? She's entitled to live her life the way she wants but she certainly isn't going to change for you. Even if she did, would you believe it? How long until the next infraction or the next wrong or inappropriate thing?

    Sometimes we meet people in life where it appears we are so compatible, things are so exhilarating, fun and exciting. Time peels back all the layers and we discover critical differences that make a romantic relationship either uncomfortable or incompatible over the long run.

    I think you would benefit from a long, hard think about what your dealbreakers are and what you can or can't put up with. You are asking some very basic questions about what's proper in relationships but the answer actually lies in you. YOU decide what's best for yourself. No one else. The forum is here though to tell you when someone is incompatible with you or doesn't respect you. She knows you are a certain way but she does those things anyway, expecting you to be committed to her and start a life together. That's not acceptable and it's quite inconsiderate and insensitive on her part.

    I hope you are able to do some soul-searching and find what matters to you in a relationship. Date for awhile more if you are not able to say goodbye or if you are figuring things out. Do not marry her.

  3. #13
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    I think it's time to knock this one on the head.

    It's not a black or white matter regarding having exs as friends but the fact she cares so little about your feelings and would rather keep ex-boyfriends in contact says it all. There is also a quite considerable age gap between you.

    I would get out now before you lose more than your sanity.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    A 36 year old woman is a fully formed adult. Meaning what you see is what you get - her values, her character, her relationship boundaries are set. The idea that she is suddenly having a personality change and a total change of character, that she is suddenly "done with that life" and going to settle and be happy with just one man is quite frankly absurd and naive. If you are going to buy that, I've got a bridge to sell you.... This is an adult woman, emphasis added.

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  6. #15
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    gaslighting Google it...you will learn more
    blocking you the fights all are not healthy for your well being.
    if this is how it is now think what will happen after you marry

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you live together? How many baby-daddies are there? Is there a significant asset/income differential? Why does she suddenly want to marry? Considering she is still online looking for lovers and opportunities, what is the point of a commitment, where you stand to lose? Trying to manipulate the answers by reversing genders did not change my advice, btw. She wants an open thing.
    Originally Posted by Kelly G
    I didnt say what my fender was as I did not want to ignite a bias view.

  8. #17
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    Gender does not make any difference. This is who she is, and she will it change. Your problem is not the social media, but the fact that she is emotionally cheating on - at the very least- and is an attention seeker, and does care about or respect your feelings. You need to wake up!

    I still recommend that you dump her, and get tested.

    Where is she going that she gets herself in a position to be asked out 20 times a week? How does this happen if she is not flirting and connecting with a lot of male strangers.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 06-09-2020 at 04:45 PM.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You're not wrong. You partner does not respect your feelings.

    There is a 23 year age difference between you and your partner. You're old enough to be your partner's parent! There is a huge generation gap which is problematic.

    Your partner is gaslighting you when you are told that you are jealous and you are the problem.

    Be with a partner who is within your age bracket if you want to be more compatible with someone and have more in common since you hail from the same generation. You will be able to relate better with someone your own age.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kelly G
    We have 20 years between us in age.

    My partner was rather permiscuous throughout life

    I put up with the other people

    Zero interest in changing.

    Side not my partner is very attractive and cant walk down a street without getting asked out. I'm 59 my partner is 36.
    You didn't pick her because of her integrity. You picked her because of her looks and younger age. In fact, she dated other people while she was with you and you let that fly because of her looks. She has shown you who she is. Yet, it seems that you are ok being disrespected as long as you get to be with someone who is "very attractive" and young enough to be your daughter.

    Imo, when you choose looks and a young body over integrity, you eventually reap what you sow...
    She has shown you who she is. You are making informed decisions.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I would say it's important to decide what matters most to you; having a young, attractive wife who you feel you have to watch or who you would want to "change" or having a wife who you don't feel needs to be watched and who doesn't need to "change" in order for you to feel comfortable and secure.

    That's not to say all younger women are attention-seekers. Not at all. But this one is and you already know this.

    Besides, I would always be wondering if she has one foot out the door if it were me.

    Question for you, are you financially well-set?

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