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Thread: Dating app problem!

  1. #21
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    She can be on dating apps all she wants. She just doesnít need to be hypocritical to the OP about it. Like itís only fine for her to move on.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by limichelle
    She can be on dating apps all she wants. She just doesnít need to be hypocritical to the OP about it. Like itís only fine for her to move on.
    Thank you. I keep trying to tell myself this but I just feel like such an idiot because I did not want to hurt her. I think she really just needed something to be mad at me about and I feel like an idiot that I gave that to her. Stupid move.

    Itís just crazy. What are the odds that she would be on the same random app and even sign up the same exact day. Ridiculous coincidence. It is what it is though. I cannot control her feelings even though I feel like what I did was really very harmless. We both had every right to go on an app, my intention was only to look in absolutely under no circumstances begin a new relationship anytime soon at all. No way am I ready. Just wanted to take a friggin peek.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    So much drama over nothing. Do you normally have this tendency to whip up drama, make a mountain out of a molehill?

    She was so heartbroken that she was already on a dating app....give me break or rather give yourself a break and stop being ridiculous. You are not that important that you "broke" her heart. That's a level of arrogance and self importance on your part that you really need to get in check.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I still give them same response. Its too soon for either of you. Both of you need to focus more on friends and family. Not to try to place blame, but you both failed at a serious relationship.
    Because of that, neither of you are ready for any kind of new relationship. You should both stay single, reflect on what went wrong, not just with the relationship, or the other person but also with yourself.

    "Peeking" seems useless right now. Think of it more like this. What do you have to offer someone? What mistakes did you make in the last relationship? What failures do you want to improve on within a relationship and with yourself?
    Until improvement can be made on BOTH sides, yours and your ex's, neither of you are any good for anyone else. All you will do is get back into a relationship that goes downhill and has the same problems as the last one.

    It's easy to place blame on the other person and say "it was all them, all their fault!" but truth be told, you choose them for a partner. You stayed with her for 5 years. If there were failures, there must have been some failures on your part as well. The least of them being, your judgement, as for the worst, that's for you to figure out.
    But it's most definitely not all on them.

    You and her truthfully have no business on any dating site as neither of you have anything good to bring to anyone, right this second. Too much healing still needed, too much improvements still needed.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    So what exactly are you doing while you "peek"? You just look at their profile pics? Why do you need to be on a dating site to look at pics of women? And how does that help you move on from your previous relationship?

    I'm serious, I really am curious to know why you would want to do this.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    So much drama over nothing. Do you normally have this tendency to whip up drama, make a mountain out of a molehill?

    She was so heartbroken that she was already on a dating app....give me break or rather give yourself a break and stop being ridiculous. You are not that important that you "broke" her heart. That's a level of arrogance and self importance on your part that you really need to get in check.
    Wow, youíve got a lot of nerve! Iím going through a really hard time right now. Iím typically extremely stable and levelheaded and consider myself far from arrogant. Iím sorry youíre having a bad day and feel the need to be rude to people that are struggling so much. It may seem petty to you what in the state that I am in, it kills. I care about her very much. We had been together for five years and I wanted it to work. Unfortunately I sacrifice my happiness for her well-being for way too long. I suppose that was my mistake but you have no right to judge me. you know virtually nothing about me. You Must be a pretty miserable person yourself so I actually only feel bad for you.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    So what exactly are you doing while you "peek"? You just look at their profile pics? Why do you need to be on a dating site to look at pics of women? And how does that help you move on from your previous relationship?

    I'm serious, I really am curious to know why you would want to do this.
    A little over two weeks out and I just decided to take a look what was going on out there to give myself a glimmer of hope. Thatís it. If that one and 1 million chance did happen and I begin to speak with somebody, it would be made clear where I am at and it would only be friends if that. And that I can almost guarantee will never happen anytime soon. Just looking.

    Iíve said it in almost every post in this thread. I am not ready to be in a relationship whatsoever. But that doesnít mean I donít want hope of that. I have to look forward. And yes I am doing a pretty damn good job working on myself. Trying to figure out who I am and how to be by myself. Just eating and sleeping is a huge challenge and I am doing my best. Just trying to take care of myself. Itís hard. The separation is like an addiction. Withdrawals... takes time and strength.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Let it go. Block her from all your apps. It's that simple. As long as you don't message people, who cares that you are on this app? Reset your search parameters to exclude her.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Destroyed 33
    Iím freaking out right now inside. I recently ended a five-year relationship. I broke it off two weeks ago. Iíve been alone for over a week. I decided today to go onto a pretty obscure dating app. Strictly just to look and maybe give myself a little hope that there are other people out there that I might be interested in. I am not ready to be in a relationship. Literally just looking.

    So like I said, I joined today. My ex messaged me tonight and said ďnice profile picď on said dating app. I cannot believe she was on there and found me. Same day, pretty obscure app. I feel completely disgusting and I absolutely cannot believe the odds. She was not happy about it. I never wanted to hurt her.

    Was it a mistake? Should I really feel this bad? I feel like such a complete POS. When she messaged me it felt like I was struck by lightning. Not a good day.

    Why would you feel bad and why would you feel that you hurt her? I think you are missing the basics and that is.. you two are no longer dating. Which means, you can do what you want and not have to worry about hurting her. Now, before you get mad, I know you care for her, you love her, she was a part of your life and you care what happens with her. I get it. But understand that you two are on different paths now and she is free to do what she wants and with whoever she wants. You are also free to do the same thing.

    About the dating app, you could of handled it one of 35 ways but you went to the path of feeling bad and thinking you hurt her. Im not saying that way was wrong, but you could of also replied saying "Thanks, you too" or "I thought so" or just not replied or cared. But instead you went with the path of thinking you hurt her. Remember, she has a profile on there too and is on the prowl as well.

    Fact and reality is that she is going to find someone and she will end up kissing him and dare to say having sex with him. You can find a girl and do the same thing. And you must also accept that once she finds someone that means something to her that you will be part of her past and any hurt she felt from you will go away. It doesn't mean she will have forgotten about you or forgotten about the relationship, just means she is making new memories with someone else. You will do the same with a new partner.

    So to focus on whats going on with a profile pic on a dating app is essentially nothing. You can have a love for your X but doesn't mean you have to be in love with your X. She will be just fine as time goes by. She is hurting now as you are as well and a 5 yr relationship is going to take time to heal from. She has to do this on her own as you have to do yours on your own. You cant walk on egg shells wondering if you are continuing to hurt her. I know you don't want to look like a bad guy so just don't do things and rub it in her face, let her find her own path to healing.

    Im not one to say cut off all contact and block and delete. After 5 years its hard to just cut off all communication so I will just say if you do talk, keep things lite. Don't talk to her at your weak moments and please don't be the guy to ease your guilt or pain (if you have any) by bringing up how great things were. If she wants to do it, then let her do it.

    In the end, the dating app thing is just one thing that doesn't need require another ounce of thought. Its done, do what you want to do.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by No1
    Why would you feel bad and why would you feel that you hurt her? I think you are missing the basics and that is.. you two are no longer dating. Which means, you can do what you want and not have to worry about hurting her. Now, before you get mad, I know you care for her, you love her, she was a part of your life and you care what happens with her. I get it. But understand that you two are on different paths now and she is free to do what she wants and with whoever she wants. You are also free to do the same thing.

    About the dating app, you could of handled it one of 35 ways but you went to the path of feeling bad and thinking you hurt her. Im not saying that way was wrong, but you could of also replied saying "Thanks, you too" or "I thought so" or just not replied or cared. But instead you went with the path of thinking you hurt her. Remember, she has a profile on there too and is on the prowl as well.

    Fact and reality is that she is going to find someone and she will end up kissing him and dare to say having sex with him. You can find a girl and do the same thing. And you must also accept that once she finds someone that means something to her that you will be part of her past and any hurt she felt from you will go away. It doesn't mean she will have forgotten about you or forgotten about the relationship, just means she is making new memories with someone else. You will do the same with a new partner.

    So to focus on whats going on with a profile pic on a dating app is essentially nothing. You can have a love for your X but doesn't mean you have to be in love with your X. She will be just fine as time goes by. She is hurting now as you are as well and a 5 yr relationship is going to take time to heal from. She has to do this on her own as you have to do yours on your own. You cant walk on egg shells wondering if you are continuing to hurt her. I know you don't want to look like a bad guy so just don't do things and rub it in her face, let her find her own path to healing.

    Im not one to say cut off all contact and block and delete. After 5 years its hard to just cut off all communication so I will just say if you do talk, keep things lite. Don't talk to her at your weak moments and please don't be the guy to ease your guilt or pain (if you have any) by bringing up how great things were. If she wants to do it, then let her do it.

    In the end, the dating app thing is just one thing that doesn't need require another ounce of thought. Its done, do what you want to do.
    Hey thanks for that. Itís tough. The littlest stupidest things just shake you up so much. Itís ridiculous.

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