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Thread: Is he on rebound?

  1. #1
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    Is he on rebound?

    hi everyone,

    I've met this guy online and we met twice. The first date was really good, there was lot of banter and chats. The second date was really long but it was 90% about his frustrations with his divorce process and custody of his kid. He seem to be pretty upset with the way his ex wife has left him, it appears she left him all of a sudden accusing him of controlling, belittling and neglecting their child.
    I did ask him several time even before I met him, if he has taken enough break from the breakup or if he is just fresh out of the divorce I do not want to get involved.

    He said it has been 6 months since it happened and he has completely recovered etc, but he still seems to be talking about what happened and how he is getting stronger and recovering from it day to day.

    It might be mistake on my part to have said "If something bothers you, talk to me" but I did not realise the whole date would end up about him talking about his past.

    There are also several questions on my mind about things that he quotes his ex-wife accused him of such as controlling, belittling and neglecting their child and asked her to go to work soon after pregnancy. I told him, I empathise women who are new mum;s and they go through a lot of problems mentally and physically and it can be unfair to ask some one to get back to normal asap and some women undergo depression.

    I have a feeling he has not handled it well and not knowing his ex-wife I have a feeling, mistake might be on his part. I did mention this to him how I felt and he replied, issues around finance and pregnancy should be a discussion and not a decision that can be made solo. This does not resonate well with me. Has he not been supportive?

    We have a lot in common and we chat almost everyday and he mentioned many times that he is infatuated with me, I am pretty and many nice things.

    I am still reticent to get into a 3rd date or proceed with this further because of the questions in the back of my mind.

    I don't know the full story / other side of the story so I have to trust what he says.

    What should I do? How should I proceed?

    ta.

  2. #2
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    6 months is not enough time to recover from a broken marriage especially when there's a kid involved and he's already spent almost one whole date talking about it instead of getting to know you.

    I think this is a lost case.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    I would not proceed. He's pulling you into his marital struggles. This has "rebound" written all over it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your instincts are good. Trust them. There are too many red flags here. The recent split is unfortunately just the tip of the iceberg. The more disconcerting things are how he uses you as free therapy, speaks in a derogatory manner about his ex, and the worst of it is that she accused him of being controlling and abusive to his child. Do not let cheap flattery guide you into this dark hole.

    Run. But do not explain. Make up anything bland, such as we're not a match, met someone else, whatever, but get rid of this guy asap. Dating is not social work or legal aid. It's to get to know people enough to determine if you want to have them in your life. From what you observed and from what he's told you, this is the type of person who'll soon turn his wrath on you.
    Originally Posted by TanyaJo
    He seem to be pretty upset with the way his ex wife has left him, it appears she left him all of a sudden accusing him of controlling, belittling and neglecting their child.

    It might be mistake on my part to have said "If something bothers you, talk to me" but I did not realise the whole date would end up about him talking about his past.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Is this the same guy who tried to make you jealous with pics of other women?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    Two dates and all this already? I would not proceed any further. Wayyyyy too many red flags.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Is this the same guy who tried to make you jealous with pics of other women?
    Not the same guy.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    It is to soon for him to be dating anyone.

    He is a newly single dad and needs to learn how to be the best single dad he can be first. Then he needs to make a good life for himself and his child and make sure that is going well BEFORE he turns his attentions to romance.

    These are the things that concern me more than him complaining how he got screwed over by his ex wife. People will often vent but he has vented to soon and with to much detail.

    Relationships can be hard enough without the extra baggage don't you think?

    Lost

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    When an early date turns into a venting therapy session, it's your clue that this person is far away from being healed and ready to date.

    Asking people if they are ready, btw, is an act of futility. Nobody will ever tell you, "you know what, totally not ready, but really want to use you for a warm bed, a crutch, free therapy, and void filler until I get back on my feet and dump you because I'm finally feeling better and ready to move on with my single life now."

    Trust your instincts and common sense instead. This guy is showing right off the bat that he is not only not over his divorce, but hasn't processed what happened. As others said, there is a forest of red flags here and he is far far away from being ready for anything, let alone being able to make a good partner. Don't waste any more of your time.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I feel bad for him but agree with the others. This is pretty negative for you.

    Don't get into the habit trying to fix someone especially this early. The dialogue appears very negative and self-absorbed.

    Perhaps another time, another place. Right now is bad timing.

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