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Thread: Should I Meet him for a Conversation?

  1. #1
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    Should I Meet him for a Conversation?

    Hi everyone,

    TLDR; my boyfriend had a hard time being laid off work for 3 months since beginning of March. He got himself in the habit of playing video games for 10 - 12 hours a day, and smoking pot every couple hours every single day. I don't blame him for any of this, quarantine was a very confusing time for everyone. I'm a nurse and working often. I would come home and cook, clean exercise etc. I spoke to him about how I was concerned with the gaming and smoking and he was not receptive. I sat down with him in tears asking for just a little bit of help around the house. May 9 I got home from work and I had asked him to vacuum and I came home to a mess, and I had just had enough. I was frustrated and took to my group chat and said some pretty hurtful things that I absolutely did not mean. I was heated and angry and frustrated. My girlfriends and I made a comment about needing to find a rich man - and he took this as I was looking for a new boyfriend. Which is 100% not true. I also stated that I was so exhausted sometimes I think it would be easier if he did not exist. :ee - Something I should have NEVER said.

    He then deleted his playstation game on May 9 for other reasons. Things improved SO much, he was exercising with me a couple times, helping around the house, he picked up a landscaping job, things really started to improve. But I also started working more, picking up more shifts and going to see my parents regularly.

    I got home from work on May 24 and turns out he went through my laptop and facebook messages with my girlfriends and immediately told me to move out of the apartment and that he never wants to see me again. Blocked me on everything and he left the apartment until I collected my belongings. Did not even give me a chance to speak.

    It has been 2 weeks since the break up, he's been gone for a week now traveling BC with a buddy. He met up with a mutual friend of ours last week and stated he would like to "hear me out" and that he's open to having a conversation. He stated he texted me asking about my packages and that all I said was "ok". When I left the apartment, I left a note detailing how I did not mean those things I said when I was angry, but I understand it may have been too soon for that. Should I meet up with him? What are his intentions of meeting with me?

  2. #2
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    We were together for 2 years, lived together for 1 year. He is 26 and I am 25.
    He was formerly working as a manager at a restaurant and quit this job due to stress.
    He then started serving as a waiter and stated this is what he wanted for the future because its "easy" and "more money"

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Where are you living now? You did the right thing ending it. He is lazy, his mother interferes, he rifles through you devices, has no respect for you or boundaries. Let the dust settle, confide in and get support from friends and family. Stay strong and do not reenter such a horrible situation.

    My advice about him remains the same: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by charbyrde
    It has been 2 weeks since the break up. He stated he texted me asking about my packages and that all I said was "ok".

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Hi
    I remember your post.

    Did he just say this to the mutual friend or did he ask you to meet?

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    Hi,

    My sister messaged (they're friends) asking to pick up my packages for me. She then couldn't stop by, and said to him "Char will come pick them up, and I think she would like to have a conversation" he replied "I want to hear hear out"

    He texted me the next day asking if I would like to come by and pick up my packages to which I said "OK".

    He then met up with a mutual friend the next day, she stated he said he would like to have a conversation with me but that I had not reached out. And that he texted me asking about my packages and all I had said was "Ok".

    So I texted him letting him know I am still waiting for a package, and that I would like to have a conversation if we meet up, he said "Ok, let me know", but then went out of town for a week.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Where are you living now?
    I am living with my parents

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Do you want to continue spending your life and building a life with this man? Have you been able to reflect on that, at all, during these two very hard weeks? I ask these questions because it's never fully possible to understand another's intentions, which is why it's important to know ours.

    I understand you feel very bad right now, very confused, and would like to feel less bad, less confused, and more connected in a way that isn't full of hostility. But, big picture, what is it that you want?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, set up a time to get your packages. The rest is hearsay.
    Originally Posted by charbyrde
    He texted me the next day asking if I would like to come by and pick up my packages to which I said "OK".

    she stated he said....

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I mean when you reach that level of frustration with your bf that you say those things.......maybe it's time for you to take a big step back and rethink the relationship and whether you really should be with this guy at all.

    Think about this - he has a good job, he quits because he can't handle it. He gets a lesser job, gets laid off and reacts with being high and playing games 24/7, you have to actually beg him in tears to at least help a little around the house. This isn't a man, it's a manchild and your relationship dynamic is you playing mommy to him and begging baby to clean his room instead of gaming. Not to mention that he invades your privacy, eavesdrops on your personal, private conversations among friends, get his ego hurt and dumps you.

    This guy is what you call a loser and it's not going to get better. Sure he might step up temporarily, but in the long run? He'll pull you down as you kill yourself working long hours and shifts to pay the bills and keep cooking and cleaning while he sits on his arse. I'm speaking with a bit of life mileage and experience over you here. Men like that do not grow up.

    Don't get so caught up in feeling guilty about what you said. He should be apologizing to you for eavesdropping into what is none of his business. What you were venting to your friends was not for his ears and he had no business reading that. None. You actually had every right to be frustrated with him and his behavior....and you might want to think on that frustration a bit before you stoop to begging him to come back into your life. Maybe just maybe...you shouldn't.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think the way he treated you by kicking you out in such a knee jerk reaction is unforgivable, in my opinion.

    It wasn't just a "I'm taking a weekend with the guys to get my head on straight" type of deal. He freaking kicked you out.

    Sure, those things were said in frustration and it doesn't make it right (on your part) but I don't think this relationship is workable if one partner finds themselves justified in doing what he did as a solution to problems. You'll find yourself constantly walking on eggshells around this person and afraid for your stability. How he reacted was ridiculous, in my mind.

    Is he still smoking weed? That has serious effects on people despite the popular belief that it does not - their ability to make decisions, paranoia and other issues. Not everyone is affected as badly but it does have a long term effect and I've seen it personally in my personal relationships.

    If you want to meet with him for closure, by all means. I wouldn't consider this a relationship to return to. Don't move back in with him.

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