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Thread: Pregnant and miss my ex

  1. #1

    Pregnant and miss my ex

    I was in a 13 year relationship that ended because of alcohol issues on their part. I never truly stopped loving him but thought I needed to move on with life. After a year I started dating and met a nice guy. After about a year I realized I wasnít full invested in the relationship and never stopped caring for my ex. The week I was planned to end things with the boyfriend, I found out I was pregnant. He has been very supportive but I decided to still end things with him because I knew I didnít want to stay just because I was pregnant. The last few months my feelings for the ex of 13 years has gotten stronger and I miss what we had and truly know he is my soul mate and he has been clean and sober. I know he still loves me but Iím so afraid to tell him Iím pregnant Because I donít want to devastate him . I know if I wasnít pregnant we would probably work things ok. I wonder if I should tell him because I donít want him to find out from a mutual friend but also so nervous to hurt him. Even though I would love to be with him again. Please help

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    He needs to know.

    Keep things simple and just tell him the truth. He has a right to know whose child it is and what he's getting into. Don't base the start of anything on deception, omissions of truth or lies.

    If he is your soulmate, it's time for him to agree with you on that or disagree. He should make an informed decision whether or not to be with you.

    Let's say he balks and isn't interested anymore or tells you he's not interested. What will you do?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Who do you live with? How long is the ex sober? Do you and the father want to have a child/family? Do you have kids with the ex?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    It sounds to me like you have been in touch with your ex for the past few months and that was perhaps the deciding factor in your ďrealisationĒ that you were not invested in the current relationship. ??
    At that point it might have been wise to end the current relationship and/or use contraception.

    Have you been in contact with your ex through the duration of this current relationship? If yes how did he feel about it?

    Itís been 2 years since you split with your ex that you met 15 yrs ago.
    How long has he been ďsoberĒ? And why?

    It doesnít sound like he did it for you? He had 13 years to do it for you. And another 2 years after.

    I would tread carefully if I were you.
    At this point itís none of his business if you are pregnant unless you are in negotiation of getting back together? Are you? Has he initiated it?
    When you were talking to him while in another relationship, did you make him aware that you were emotionally cheating on another? Was he ok with that?

    Are you wanting the father of your child to bow out and have nothing to do with your child if you get back with your ex?
    Have you discussed this with the father of your child? Is he ok with you getting back with your ex and potentially have his child brought up in a household that may have a man relapse into alcoholism?

    If you intend on getting back with your ex , are you willing to date him only, and not move back in until your child is at least a few years old?

    Too many things to think about. Have you thought about them all?


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Honestly, if you broke up due to alcoholism, two years is not long enough to think he has it under control. He could be sober for now, but it could go downhill if he has any stress.
    I think you should focus on your relationship as coparents with your boyfriend.
    Could it be that you lost attraction because part of you is used to the roller coaster of being with an alcoholic?
    You do not know if you are in love because you have not been around your ex for awhile and you may be imagining him as the same man "but sober". in reality, you don't know what he is like anymore.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    Facts are facts. Tell him. The longer you wait, the worse he'll feel about your unwillingness to be straight with him.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Iíll be real and it may not be what you want to read... but hereís the deal:

    You are pregnant and it sounds like you are keeping the baby (kudos). Whatever you decide to do with your life also must be in the best interest of your child. Therefore, the ship has sailed from rekindling with an ex. Iím not sure whether or not you should telling him, but what is the right move for everyoneís sake is to cut contact with him because your life is about to drastically change and he will not be on the same wave with you. The reality check is that most men do not want to be apart of dating a pregnant girl and raising a baby that isnít theirs. And as a responsible mother-to-be, you especially DO NOT want to involve your own child with someone who has alcoholism history and is not fully recovered. My mother grew up with an abusive alcoholic father who later ended his own life because of depression mixed with alcoholism (and alcohol is a depressant).

    Now is the time to move on and prepare for motherhood. If youíre planning to split from your current boyfriend, you need to consider how youíre going to raise a child on your own. Motherhood is very exhausting that you will need support from trusted people. Itís easy to say you wonít stay in a relationship because youíre pregnant, but single parenting is extremely challenging and you will be dealing with child custody with that decision. Trust me, I have a one-year-old and raising one without childcare because of a pandemic is tiring. I am at the point of fantasizing a weekend getaway.

    My shortened advice?
    Cut the ex out entirely. Heís the reason you are unhappy and unsure about the relationship you are in. Staying in contact with him does you no favors.

    Focus on your pregnancy. It will be a ďbumpyĒ ride.

    Have a talk with your boyfriend about custody/co-parenting. Be prepared to get in touch with a family attorney to resolve the custody.


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