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Thread: Feelings towards someone at work

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    This is also a new job and where new jobs are concerned at this time they don't appear very often. Be very cautious.

    When again did your last relationship end? Was it this year?

    If so, things seem a bit too soon. Take a breather. Don't do anything virtual. Spend more time in person. Don't share your feelings - just ask her out later in the year if you see her again in person if you absolutely must.

    Do you see qualities in this new person that you didn't see in your ex? I ask out of curiosity.
    We split around April time. Iím living on my own now so finding myself lonely at times, especially during lock down.

    Again, I absolutely agree with you regarding the job front. Without going too deep into it I landed on my feet with this job and for the first time in my life Iím enjoying work and earning a good wage. Iíd hate to jeopardise anything.

    Interesting point about the qualities between the 2 of them. I havenít gave it much thought but they are quite the opposite of each other - although I see where youíre coming from.

    Itís hard now because she will end up checking up on me at some point tomorrow, so I canít exactly Ďavoidí her and let my feelings subside for a while. I want to remain friends with her as well as her Continuing being my mentor because she genuinely Is teaching me a lot. If I avoid her my progression will slow down, if I donít my feelings could potentially grow stronger.

    Iím not making excuses, itís just how my ridiculous brain operates. Thanks for your reply.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Great input here. Does she supervise you in an ongoing way? (I originally met my husband at work!)
    She recently landed a supervisor role for an area which includes mine so yeah, but when I first joined and met her she was the same role as mine.

  3. #13
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    How do you know she thinks you are in a relationship? How does she know about it? is she from a different department like training? Tread carefully, these days we need to check hr policies before even thinking of a relationship.
    If things dont work out it might just impact performance for both of you and the whole environment becomes difficult to work.
    I would wait till the pandemic eases off, sometimes being in isolation we tend to lean on to people for support, its a human thing sometimes happens without your control over it.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok the covid thing is wreaking havoc with a lot of people all over including isolation, loneliness, being stir crazy, etc. Add in a recent break up, so go easy on yourself. If this was a friendly face during that time, it may explain the feeling of attachment. So just breathe deep realize she may have represented happier or more normal times.

    Try to normalize things outside of the training sessions. Reach out to old friends, relatives, classmates coworkers, etc. Refresh and reset your social media. Add some new pics and posts. Comment on friends posts,etc. Create some action.

    Connect with friends, classmates, alumni, coworkers, former coworkers, etc on LinkedIn. Develop a LinkedIn profile. Start with a professional looking head shot. Build a profile from education, jobs, experience skills, etc. Upload your contact list to see who you may already know on there and start making 'connections', search for former employers, friends, classmates, etc. List some professional organizations. Also create action by 'liking' posts or following causes, companies, people, etc.

    In other words use this time to not only train and make new connections at work, use it to retool your private and professional life in general. Reach out to people. generate some movement and activity to get out of the doldrums.
    Originally Posted by GB11CR7
    Iím living on my own now so finding myself lonely at times, especially during lock down.
    I want to remain friends with her as well as her Continuing being my mentor because she genuinely Is teaching me a lot.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think Wiseman's tips are so helpful. It does very much help to reach out to others. I think I did it too much though and the backlash was feeling so much of others' emotions that were so overwhelming for me I had to practice safe emotional distancing also. There is a lot of negative energy out there in combination with world events and the pandemic. We can't control what others put out so keep taking care of yourself. I feel stronger now but it's funny that the support that was helpful to me at one time ended up being detrimental over a longer period of time. I try to be there for friends and family but when things get a little too familiar, it's good to draw some boundaries. I hope you know what I mean.

    I only asked about any qualities because I was curious how you see yourself in relation to dating or with another person.

    Yes, definitely do keep up with your work and don't cut back on any progress that you are making at work! Good job getting this position and enjoying what you're doing.

    I think it's ok to have crushes by the way. I think the harder you try to squash it all out the worse it gets. Just cruise and ride the waves. You mentioned she's very good at her job and you enjoy or like what you do. This translates to a high degree of respect, to me. I have intellectual crushes on those I respect! Just keep it that way and put things in perspective.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    More new relationships end than last forever. If you dated and it didn't work out, it would be awkward or uncomfortable to see each other at work everyday. Especially since she's moving into management, it will limit what area you can work and under whom if you two started dating.

    I'd give yourself time to be solo for a while, lonely as it can be. Depends how long that should be according to the length of your last relationship.

    When you're ready to date again, try Meetup.com groups when social distancing has lessened. At your age, the pool of single women you can meet in your age group is huge. I'd keep pleasure separate than business. I know I wouldn't want to work with my husband. I like it that we can miss each other when apart during the day. We also have work stories that are different to tell each other every day. Too much of a good thing, being together 24/7, gets old quickly.

  8. #17
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    I would avoid mixing business with pleasure if she is a supervisor.

  9. #18
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    Sweet that you're doing well in your current job!!

    I think people's suggestions here are on point. I'd be cautious to get involved with a supervisor who is in charge of your department. If she was from another unrelated department it'd be a slightly different story as plenty of people meet at work.

    Also, we cannot rely on our emotions during this pandemic. I learned it the hard way.

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