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Thread: Why he is not total honest?

  1. #1
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    Why he is not total honest?

    When I just know this guy his words always seems he is alone and sad, seems never got love before. After we in relationship, I asked about him that he only had a 5 years relationship before, during 2 months, I mention a few times of his ex, but he only said his ex, then one day he suddenly told me that those 5 years relationship is 3 years of relationship, 2 years of marriage, and he was divorced because his wife found others. That's really shocked to me, I don't know why he never said anything even I mention.
    After we argued about that, once he said he want to stable life when he was 20 years old(his exwife is 19 years old during that time), once he said in that relationship he feel bad after 4 or 5 months, after marriage he stuck with not proper person. I didn't read there's any logic, if he feel bad why he continue 3 years then marry her?why started feel not proper after marriage what about the 3 years? Sounds only he doesn't want to honest to me.
    Last edited by Ksen; 06-06-2020 at 03:58 AM. Reason: Lost words

  2. #2
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    To the contrary he has been brutally honest with you.

    I donít think he was completely honest about his own feelings with his ex and has learned from that and that explains why he is so honest with you. He doesnít want to make the same mistake twice.
    He was very young when he was in his last relationship and went with her feelings and profession of the relationship, while thinking his doubts were unfounded. And suppressing them.

    Now he wants to be with someone who he can openly discuss his thoughts and feelings.
    But you are berating him for that??!

    His past relationship and ex are actually none of your business.
    He is not under any obligation to tell you.
    The fact that his previous relationship and ex were a cause for you two to argue suggests he should not date you at all.

    You are more obsessed with his past , than you are interested in getting to know him in the present.

    Why??!
    Whatís your past relationship history? Have you told him? Has he judged you for it?

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    May i ask how long have you been together? If the relationship is relatively new, it's understandable that you are just starting to be more open with each other, thus he is now comfortable revealing his past with you. Look at it on the bright side. As you go along, you will discover more things about him - the ex thingy is just one aspect. Don't let past relationships get in the way of a potential new love.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by denise_14
    May i ask how long have you been together? If the relationship is relatively new, it's understandable that you are just starting to be more open with each other, thus he is now comfortable revealing his past with you. Look at it on the bright side. As you go along, you will discover more things about him - the ex thingy is just one aspect. Don't let past relationships get in the way of a potential new love.
    2 months according to her opening post. IMO too early to be having arguments . Especially about exes. That curiosity shouldnít even crop up yet if they are actually engaging in each other and enjoying each otherís company.
    ??!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    If youíve only been together for 2 months then you still have a lot to learn about each other. Not everyone wants to offload their past immediately until they know the person they are with wants to hear about it.

    At this early stage, donít keep bugging him with questions about his exís and questioning him as to why he did or didnít do something. He was young. Itís in the past. To be honest, it sounds as though you are giving him reasons NOT to want to talk about it if it ends in an argument. Two months is very early to be having any kind of drama.

    Take your time in getting to know each other. Donít force things .... and certainly donít cause arguments over it. Talking about it is one thing but making him rehash the whole experience is another.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How did you meet? How long have you been talking? Have you met in person? Was he in an arranged marriage? It seems like he enjoys cheating. Do not bother with men who cheat and lie.
    Originally Posted by Ksen
    he was divorced. he said in that relationship he feel bad after 4 or 5 months, after marriage he stuck with not proper person.

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    Have you ever discussed each other's opinion about marriage before? Are you guys on the same page with respect to that?

    In my experience people divulge if they were married and divorced way before getting exclusive. You said you were already in a relationship - plenty of chances for him to mention that. There are people who would not want to deal with a divorcee especially if they're very young. To withhold that information until the other person gets emotionally attached is not being honest. I'd consider it a major red flag, or more likely a deal breaker, if someone I'm dating casually refers to his ex as if she was just an ex-girlfriend, until we were official then he suddenly discloses that they were actually married.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SophiaG
    if someone I'm dating casually refers to his ex as if she was just an ex-girlfriend, until we were official then he suddenly discloses that they were actually married.
    That kinda feels normal to me. Getting married and divorced at such a young age might not be something he is terribly proud of and doesnít feel it necessary to bring up until such a time he feels is right to do so. Itís not like heís kept it a secret for years and years. Theyíve only been dating for two months (though not sure if thatís confirmed or our interpretation). They are still getting to know each other.

    OP, can you clarify how long you had been together when he told you this, when you became exclusive and how long youíve been together now.

    Bearing in mind weíve been dealing with a worldwide pandemic over the last few months and in lockdown, it wouldnít be surprising that things have been progressing slower than normal. However, if the story is different from whatís been interpretated, I would, perhaps, then agree with SophiaG.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    How did you meet? How long have you been talking? Have you met in person? Was he in an arranged marriage? It seems like he enjoys cheating. Do not bother with men who cheat and lie.
    It sounds to me as though his ex was the one who cheated on him and that is why he eventually left the marriage (or the marriage ended). Again, I could have that wrong.

  11. #10
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    I didn't have any relationship before, thank you. If he want to honest why waiting we in relationship not during the date?

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