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Thread: I think heís cheating

  1. #1

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    I think heís cheating

    Hello everyone I am new here. I guess I need to talk about what I am going through and doing it with strangers just seems easier. Iím so confused right now.
    My husband has been friends with woman he once dated. I told him that I was uncomfortable with the friendship because he kept it secret for 5 years of our marriage and also for other things he did that broke my trust in him. He said he would end it but he lied. He swears they are just friends. Now I find out he sent her a picture of a tube of flavored lube on her birthday. What do I do? Is this marriage over?

    Thanks

  2. #2
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    Find out her phone # or better yet her address, then confront the woman. Tell her in a very forceful way to stay far away from your husband. He is married and its not to her. Make her feel embarrassed. If she works in the same office as your husband, ask to speak with his manager - then complain to him or her. This may cause enough embarrassment to halt whatever is going on.

    Otherwise this will continue. Your husband won't stop it. Sitting by and doing nothing will change nothing.

  3. #3
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    What were the other things?

    How did you find that message?

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by LoreliFinn
    Find out her phone # or better yet her address, then confront the woman. Tell her in a very forceful way to stay far away from your husband. He is married and its not to her. Make her feel embarrassed. If she works in the same office as your husband, ask to speak with his manager - then complain to him or her. This may cause enough embarrassment to halt whatever is going on.

    Otherwise this will continue. Your husband won't stop it. Sitting by and doing nothing will change nothing.
    Do not do this! Iím sorry but this is terrible advice.

    The problem is your husband. He has lied for 5 years, made her a priory over you, not cut contact and Is sending inappropriate messages. The marriage was over long ago. He is a cheat and does not respect you.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by LoreliFinn
    Find out her phone # or better yet her address, then confront the woman. Tell her in a very forceful way to stay far away from your husband. He is married and its not to her. Make her feel embarrassed. If she works in the same office as your husband, ask to speak with his manager - then complain to him or her. This may cause enough embarrassment to halt whatever is going on.

    Otherwise this will continue. Your husband won't stop it. Sitting by and doing nothing will change nothing.
    Wow, I couldnít disagree more. The other woman is not the problemó she didnít marry OP and promise to be faithful. Why make scenes? The husband will just find new ways and people to cheat with.

    MadJ, your marriage was over when you found out he had been lying for five years. He is dishonest, manipulative and a cheat. He is not respectful of you or your marriage. What are you getting out of this relationship that makes having a dishonest cheat living with you for the rest of your life worthwhile?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by LoreliFinn
    Find out her phone # or better yet her address, then confront the woman. Tell her in a very forceful way to stay far away from your husband. He is married and its not to her. Make her feel embarrassed. If she works in the same office as your husband, ask to speak with his manager - then complain to him or her. This may cause enough embarrassment to halt whatever is going on.
    No, don't follow this advice. It's not good and is to guaranteed to cause more problems than it solves.

    First, can you clarify - what else has your husband done that betrayed your trust? And how did you come to find out about this woman and the picture he sent her?

  8. #7

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    Jun 2020
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    Thanks Everyone for the advice. I wonít approach the woman although Lord knows Iíve been tempted. But I know my husband is the problem. I found where he was sexting and sharing nudes with other women. I accidentally found nude pics of a coworker when looking at pics heíd taken in his tablet of our baby who was a newborn at the time. I confronted him and he swore it wasnít physical with any of them. He swore he wanted our marriage and family. I wanted to believe him but I told him if he cut all of them off I would forgive and we would work to rebuild trust. I know itís awful but I became insecure after that day and started spying on his phone and social media. Fast forward to today my baby is now seven and I guess nothing has changed.

  9. #8
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    Ultimately you can't be sure 100% that he's cheating but you can be 100% he's a serial liar and completely untrustworthy. For me that would be enough to end it but I understand there's a little one in the middle so the end decision is yours. I just don't see how you can go in together personally as it means a lifetime of you turning a blind eye to his bad behaviour

  10. #9
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    Please do NOT listen to @lorelifinn.
    That person clearly is ok with being disrespected and thinking that controlling the other womanís behaviour is the solution.

    I realise you donít want your marriage to be over , but your marriage was never the one you wanted. So itís very ok for it to be over.
    Make a get out plan. Consult a divorce lawyer. See what your future potentially holds after divorce and work with it.

    Your husband has not lived up to your expectations of a husband nor most peopleís expectations.
    He just wants an ďapparentĒ family life while doing whatever he wants.
    That was his expectation of you!

    Tell him that you are not the person he expects you to be and that he certainly isnít what you or most expect him to be.

    And leave.

  11. #10
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    I'm sorry to hear this. I think it is best for you to exit the relationship. I know it's easier said than done and to be honest if it was just the first time he cheated/broke your trust I would've probably advised you to seek marriage counseling and see whether you can forgive him. However it's been going on for years and you are no longer at peace. Consider co-parenting set up. Don't confront the other woman. It's not worth it.

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