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Thread: I think heís cheating

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Pray that you find a good lawyer, doctor and therapist. That is your strength. You need to get a private and confidential consultation with an attorney to review your options, you need to get tested for STDs, and get a referral to a therapist to help guide you through this.

    If you keep your head in the sand you will be devastated down the road. They call it cheating because you are doing the heavy lifting of being a spouse/parent/partner and he's out playing with his "friend".
    Originally Posted by MadJ
    I keep praying for him to be someone he keeps showing me he is not. I just donít know if I am strong enough.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 06-06-2020 at 11:27 AM.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    This is terrible. I second the STD testing that Holly mentioned earlier and Wiseman also.

    Please get tested and take care of yourself and your child.

    Absolutely do not put up with this anymore. It is Deception with a capital D.

    You are terrified because you know what you've loved and what you've lost. MissCanuck had a fantastic view on it: Let that fact that he isn't terrified of blowing up his family motivate you to move on.

    Do not stay in this place with your child. It may take awhile to plan or get your things in order but start and speak with a lawyer who can work with you.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    She is his mistress. He has never stopped seeing her. It's an assumption but it's very possible because it's not uncommon. I watched an special episode of Oprah "why men cheat" It's on youtube if you want to watch it. Some of the men on there admitted they never stopped seeing their mistresses when they got married. The entitlement was sickening.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I would agree with Smackie. There's a good chance that he has always behaved this way whether it was with this woman in particular or the other women. But I would say there's a high probability that he has cheated over the course of your marriage and most likely with more than one woman.

    Usually when you find something like pictures, it's just the tip of the iceberg.
    Personally, I would have left him after finding the pictures. Coworkers don't send those kind of pics unless you've been sexual with them. The fact alone that he was talking with this woman enough to encourage her to send him pics like that, is enough for a divorce.

    I know you wanted to turn a blind eye and believe that it wasn't an affair and wanted your marriage to work but you can't keep denying the obvious.
    As difficult as it may be, you need to leave him and get a divorce.
    To stay, will only bring you more misery in the long run. You will always feel suspicious/on edge/ depressed. Your self esteem with suffer as will your self confidence. Your child/children will feel the effects and could become very unhappy living in a house with two parents who are no longer in a happy and healthy marriage.

    There are lots of reasons why you need to somehow find the strength and leave this man. He is a cheater and a liar and it's not going to go away.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    The sad part is....it doesn't bother him he is doing this to you...I'm sure there was no real remorse, just crocodile tears.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    That's why you need to get yourself back up and stop allowing this man to treat you this way. He is being disgusting. Find your strength in not allowing it any longer!

    You don't need to live a nightmare for the rest of your life. Starting over will be difficult at first but it will get you away from a man who has zero respect and does not love you.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by MadJ
    Thank you. Yes my child will be devastated so I keep praying for him to be someone he keeps showing me he is not. I know you are right I just donít know if I am strong enough. I am ashamed to admit that.
    You were strong enough to put up with his disrespect and continue on raising your child despite it.
    It will take less strength to continue doing that without having to put up with him.
    But it does take coursage to get there.
    You have made the first step by posting here.
    Now all you need to do is put a plan into action.

    Best way forward is to consult a divorce lawyer. Bring all evidence of him cheating etc with you.
    You and your child will both be better off and you will wonder why you didnít do it sooner.

    But when you are out of this sham of a marriage , you will be glad.

    The sooner the better. Good luck!

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    You were strong enough to put up with his disrespect and continue on raising your child despite it.
    It will take less strength to continue doing that without having to put up with him.
    But it does take coursage to get there.
    You have made the first step by posting here.
    Now all you need to do is put a plan into action.
    Couldn't agree more.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    The sad part is....it doesn't bother him he is doing this to you...I'm sure there was no real remorse, just crocodile tears.
    I agree. Your hubs is using your fear against you. He knows he can do whatever he wants because, you are actually the better person. Mature, forgiving, loving.

    It's time to cut this lying, cheating, weak man out. No doubt he lies. He probably crosses the line for cheating at a minimum. Guys like this talk a good game, gaslight and lie regularly. Its a way of life for them because they have zero respect first anyone but themselves.

    I'm sorry. I know it is very hard for you, but you owe this to yourself.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I agree. Your hubs is using your fear against you. He knows he can do whatever he wants because, you are actually the better person. Mature, forgiving, loving.
    YEP! I was going to say this myself! This is a classic abuser cycle- Abuse you, apologize JUST enough to get off the hook (cause he knows you will), then continue to do whatever.
    I'm sorry to tell you, but IMO and in my experience I find it to be true that once men have children with you they often feel more empowered to cheat because they know that most women won't want to leave for the sake of the child.

    I feel for you, OP. It's hard to accept that your husband isn't who you thought he was and that your marriage isn't what you hoped it would be. I went through all of this during my own divorce.
    But, things can also be incredibly FREEING when you realize that you ARE better than this treatment!

    Make no mistake- he's in relationship with this woman. "Friends" don't just send nudes to other married friends (unless that person is an artist, but even so- it's dicey). When you're married opposite sex "friends" who are secret are NOT "friends".

    You have to accept that he is cheater and a liar. That's who he is. His behavior has made it clear that he has NO intention of changing. He's just going to keep lying to know and knowing you'll forgive him for the sake of your kid, so he has no REASON to stop. He's getting everything he wants- his family who takes care of him and his sex kitten on the side.

    You have two choices- 1. Stay in the marriage and be comfortable in the knowledge that your husband will likely never be faithful to you and just lie about it.
    2. Get divorced.

    Whatever you do, don't expect him to "change"- it ain't gonna happen. I wasted YEARS of my life in my first marriage hoping he would "change". I played mental gymnastics with myself " But if only this, but if only THAT"
    Someone is NOT going to become who you want them to be just because you wish it so.

    And really, do you WANT the kind of marriage where you feel the need to spy on your husband versus just being able to trust him?

    You are better than this, please seek some individual counseling for guidance.

    All the best to you.

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