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Thread: Ladies, your advice please.

  1. #1
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    Ladies, your advice please.

    I've been talking with this girl for the past 3 weeks. We talk on the phone daily for hours and hours. You know how the first phase is.

    On Tuesday, she went to her friend's house to sleep for a night, as her friend was having a sleepover. We exchanged normal texts on Tuesday and Wednesday morning too. By Wednesday night I reached out to see if she was back home. She responded this morning (Thursday) saying she was passed out. We exchanged minimal dry texts and I asked if she's free so I can call her, she said she's busy with her parents and will let me know when she's done. It's been 9 hours since that message. No exchange since.

    It is not typical of her. She usually connects.

    Any thoughts on what I should do? Should I reach out? Or leave it?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this friend an ex or on/off bf?
    Originally Posted by lmasterz
    she went to her friend's house to sleep for a night, as her friend was having a sleepover. She responded this morning (Thursday) saying she was passed out.

  3. #3
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    May I ask how old the two of you are? How did you meet, was it online? And is this a long-distance situation?

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    People really don't have hours and hours to talk daily. Might be exciting at first, but then real life start to call for your attention - family, friends, work, school, hobbies, etc.

    Talking needs to lead to a date and talking that much will burn people out. Give her some space and see if you can plan a date - even if it's a walk in the park while socially distancing or whatever your local situation is.

    Also, trying to set an appointment for calling can be annoying for some people. If you want call. If I'm available I'll answer and if not, that's what voicemail/texts are for. I'll call you back when I can.

    Finally, please realize that you don't actually know her and you have no idea what "normal" is at this point.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Is this friend an ex or on/off bf?
    girl-friend. It was a bunch of girls. Like 7 of them.

    Originally Posted by JenCrowley
    May I ask how old the two of you are? How did you meet, was it online? And is this a long-distance situation?
    I'm 33, she's 29. We have distant mutuals. We met online and it is temporary long distance, because of quarantine otherwise I'd be where she is now (2-hour flight)

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    People really don't have hours and hours to talk daily. Might be exciting at first, but then real life start to call for your attention - family, friends, work, school, hobbies, etc.

    Talking needs to lead to a date and talking that much will burn people out. Give her some space and see if you can plan a date - even if it's a walk in the park while socially distancing or whatever your local situation is.

    Also, trying to set an appointment for calling can be annoying for some people. If you want call. If I'm available I'll answer and if not, that's what voicemail/texts are for. I'll call you back when I can.

    Finally, please realize that you don't actually know her and you have no idea what "normal" is at this point.
    We do have hours and hours given the current circumstances. Realistically a date to actually happen will probably be in another 3 weeks or so.
    I am not setting an appointment to call, but usually that's our quick way of calling. I just ask or she asks if we're free to call. If not, it'll be later. We keep it simple.
    Thanks for your feedback though.

  8. #7
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    Have you met up in person?

    It's been only 9 hours and she said she was busy. You don't know each other that well so if there was a family emergency or something she may not feel comfortable to overshare. Relax and give her space. You can send her a simple "Good night" or "Good morning" text when you go to bed or get up but don't push her for a response. When she's ready to contact you she will.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by SophiaG
    Have you met up in person?

    It's been only 9 hours and she said she was busy. You don't know each other that well so if there was a family emergency or something she may not feel comfortable to overshare. Relax and give her space. You can send her a simple "Good night" or "Good morning" text when you go to bed or get up but don't push her for a response. When she's ready to contact you she will.
    We haven't met in person yet, due to covid.

    I agree with you, it's just not typical of her not to connect back, that's all. And yes, maybe we don't know each other well enough, but talking daily for 3 hours and sometimes up to 5 hours for 21 days straight gives you somewhat of an indication of what kind of a person she is.

  10. #9
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    Assume she's still busy with her parents, and let her come to you.

    Even though you have been talking a lot, you still know very little about her in practical terms. Believe her when she says she'll let you know when she's free. Don't send another message at this point.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lmasterz
    We haven't met in person yet, due to covid.

    I agree with you, it's just not typical of her not to connect back, that's all. And yes, maybe we don't know each other well enough, but talking daily for 3 hours and sometimes up to 5 hours for 21 days straight gives you somewhat of an indication of what kind of a person she is.
    What it does is create an illusion of closeness and connection that you don't actually have in reality.

    Also, you are so neck deep in it that you aren't paying attention to reality. She IS spending time with friends, she IS busy with her parents. No, right now she doesn't have time to be sitting on the phone with you for hours and she has told you this, so believe her.

    As much as you don't want to hear this - talking that much will burn people out. Learn how to pace and space and find something else to do with your time besides sitting on the phone or by the phone. Don't be so thirsty because that's not attractive. Give her some space and let her come to you when she has time and wants to.

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