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Thread: Ex wants me back

  1. #1
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    Ex wants me back

    So about a month and half ago my on/off ex of 4 months broke up with me because he said he was stressed out over the pandemic and needed to focus on his self, telling me I deserve better. Since then Iíve severed all contact. Iíve even began dating again. Iíve met some guys that I really liked along the way. For the first time in my life Iím dating more than one guy at a time. Iím finding that it helps me not to form an attachment to one guy too quickly. I really get to look at each guy objectively. Iím really focusing on the way I feel after each date and not worried so much about the moving the relationship too fast. Now that I feel like Iíve moved on from my past relationship my ex contacts me to tell me that he misses me and heís sorry for his actions and he wishes things couldíve been different between us. Part of me wants to be friends with my ex at least. But then part of me believes that I shouldnít even entertain him. Iím trying to get to know other guys to find a long term partner and to have my ex in the mix would hold me back. What do you all suggest I do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    "my ex contacts me to tell me that he misses me and heís sorry for his actions and he wishes things couldíve been different between us"

    OK, but did he say "I want you back"?

    And do you trust him to never do this again? That he won't run away the next time life gets difficult?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    It sounds like you've already given yourself the best advice. Here you are, having shed the most potent feelings from that chapter, exploring new connections in a new way, with the intention of finding a partneróa man who can meet you on your level, cherish it, all that. Wonderful path, right there. Reopening this, per your own words, throws some weeds onto that path.

    So why do it? I get the short term gratification, but does it fit into the long term goals?

    Also, as bolt said, it doesn't sound like he's even expressed any clear intentions. He's told you he's sorry, he misses you, and that he "wishes" he could have been different. I can imagine that feels good, but does it move the compass? Does it give you any sense that things would be different whenever things get overwhelming, as things do? Speaking for myself, while I can withstand a lot of discomfort and forgive many lapses in another, I can't be with someone whose go-to response to discomfort in a relationship is to end it. That's like trying to drive across the country on leaky fuel tank. You never know when you'll get stranded.

    So what would I do in your shoes, which I've been in? I'd roll the adult dice, which is to say I'd let him now, with grace and respect, that you appreciate his message but that you're moving on. Wish him the best, and that's that. Will feel, for a second, like a door closing and a room getting darker, but when that second passes? You'll thank yourself, because right there you just got an inch closer to being the person you want to be, and finding the person you want to share yourself with.

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    Thank you. I really feel like thatís what I should do as well.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Listen to your sensible half - have nothing more to do with him and move on. You are completely correct that a decent guy who is worth dating isn't going to step into a messy situation where you still have an ex loitering around you. Also, this guy showed you who he is - when the going gets tough, he runs away. Not relationship material.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    ***So what would I do in your shoes, which I've been in? I'd roll the adult dice, which is to say I'd let him now, with grace and respect, that you appreciate his message but that you're moving on. Wish him the best, and that's that. Will feel, for a second, like a door closing and a room getting darker, but when that second passes? You'll thank yourself, because right there you just got an inch closer to being the person you want to be, and finding the person you want to share yourself with. ***

    This is awesome advice!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. Entering an on/off thing on his whims or trying to be friends would not be in your best interests.
    Originally Posted by mayflower165
    Iím trying to get to know other guys to find a long term partner and to have my ex in the mix would hold me back.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    My question would be: How would having him back in your life (even as a friend) improve your goals of meeting the right guy and forming a long lasting relationship?

    I can only see negatives and zero positives.

    I agree with the others it is time to close the door on that relationship. Your reply "Yes it is to bad we didn't work out but it is obvious we were not meant to be together" "I wish you the best as you search for the woman that is perfect for you"

    Good luck with these new men in your life. Just don't string them along to long before you choose. Us guys have feelings, hopes and dreams too...

    Lost

  10. #9
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    If your EX is your first love then welcome.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    its your time now, love yourself so much that no relationship becomes bigger than you, mutual respect, love, understanding , to be there when the going gets tough all matters.
    Take control of your life, your goals and your future. Choose wisely :)

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