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Thread: Just need some brutal honesty as im not coping well!

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Oooof...what possessed you to think that a coked out alcoholic, aka dual addict, would make for a good mate, let alone is a person you should be exposing our child to????

    Dude.....stop whining about yourself and your selfish bs and start thinking. Are you into drugs too by any chance? Like wth? What made you think for one second that this woman should be anywhere near your child?! I can understand the whole "she is hot and I want to fck her"....but letting your child get close to her, thinking marriage? Like seriously? Yes, this woman is a bottom of the barrel loser and the disturbing part is that here you are whining about your "loss" and giving zero fck's about being a good father or role model to your child, your own flesh and blood. Literally exposing your child to drugs. Please tell me you are just a clever troll because this is pretty effing bad if your story is actually true.
    DancingFool, I asked for brutal honesty and I got it! Unfortunately all I have said is true. I'm not nor have I ever been into drugs. I always knew she had issues, she had a hard life previously but from when we were talking I genuinely thought she was getting her life on track. She gave up the coke, cut back on her drinking, started on her fitness etc.

    To clarify - my daughter has only met this woman in the last month and only then 4 or 5 times - we have been together for just over a year now and she hasn't touched drugs since the first couple of weeks of our relationship (so I believe). I genuinely believed she had given all that up for good - she constantly made a point of saying to me how much better her life was since she met me, she wouldn't ever go back to drugs now, etc etc. Thank you for the brutal honesty, I have been whinging to my friends about this mess since it happened and none of them have been as direct and blunt as you have which has made me feel silly for feeling the way I currently do as well as how I did feel about her. Keep it coming to really put the nail in the coffin for me!

  2. #32
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I genuinely feel sad/terrible that she may end up in those types of situations again.
    Oh, come on now. She's a big girl. If she's back into drugs, that's not on her friends, or on whatever men might be around, it's on HER.

    At any point did you ever stop to ask yourself what kind of person gets into drugs like this and that maybe that's not someone you should be getting involved with?

    DQD, you've latched yourself onto a sinking ship and a toxic one at that who has affected your life badly. You now have a very unhealthy attachment that is affecting your judgements and being a father.
    It almost sounds obsessive to a certain degree.
    You don't need this woman. She is not a very moral person and she has very bad habits. She choose to do the things she did, all on her own. No justifying it or feeling sorry for her.
    It's only excuses so you can pretend to yourself some more that she's 'lovely' and you can once again fool yourself into being her savior.

    You need help, and by that, I mean get away from this woman, stay away and get some counselling as soon as you can. You've allowed your mind and life to be taken over by toxicity caused by her and you can't even see it.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Google "white knight syndrome" - you are in over your head in that and to the point where you might benefit from some professional help there. Your personal issues and insanely poor choices are bordering on delusion and are beyond the help of strangers on internet boards. Shacking up with an addict, exposing your child to that and being that deep in denial about the whole situation is not normal. You may not be addicted to drugs, but you are addicted to drama. If you were a single guy without children who are being harmed by your effed up choices, that would be one thing, but given that you have a child you are actively damaging....I have no words. Dude, get professional help to get your head screwed on straight. You need it...more importantly your children need it.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You cannot continue to expose your child to a drunk who associates with drug users.

    What if she took your child to a drug dealer to make a buy? What if she drove your child somewhere while drunk and/or high?

    You "believe" she hasn't been using? I presume you are taking the word of an ACTIVE ADDICT which makes no sense.

    Please keep your child away from this woman. Holy cow...

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Don't discount either that drug addicts, unfortunately, can be very devious when it comes to being honest about whether they are using, or not.

    She knows you don't like it and she knows you wouldn't be okay with it. So, she will do everything under the radar when it comes to you. That doesn't mean she has ever stopped using. It means she became more clever on hiding it from you.

    Drug users have an incredibly difficult time not only getting off of the drugs but keeping off of them. The best chance she might have, is to go into rehab and even then, there is a high percentage that will fall back into their old ways.

    Although you keep feeling sorry for her. you have to keep in mind that there is all sorts of help out there, ranging from rehabs to counselling and therapies.
    If she's not getting better or has not gotten better or has fallen back into her old ways.....those are choices of hers.
    Do not mix up broken with aware and deciding to go back to the crowds she does or the choices she makes.
    She is more than well aware and has little to no remorse.

    That being said...your daughter is what's matters the most here. Love her more than you love this toxic woman. Take care of your daughter and stay focused on making sure your daughters okay. Not a grown ass woman who keeps making horrible life choices.

    One is a little girl who is innocent and deserves the most love and attention she can get. The other is an adult who has had your time and love and is still running back to bs.
    Nevermind the fact that she isn't even trying to get proper help.

    Stop wasting your time. Your daughter is only young once and deserves healthy adults to be around her as well as a Dad who is healthy.
    These are choices you alone make. Not just for yourself, but for your child.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    All I can say to you is that addicts are brilliant liars and manipulators.The idea that you asked and she just magically stopped and hasn't used since is quite frankly absurd and not even remotely realistic. You might not know, you might not have realized, or she likely hid it like a champ, but have no illusions that she ever stopped.

    Also, yes, imagine your child being exposed to that while they go to a spa and she just needs to swing by and "talk to a nice man for a second" and "gee it's just a powder that helps me relax, sweetie, it's all good. Want some?". Children are not stupid and are way more perceptive than adults. This woman can never ever be trusted and no, she is not and has never been a good mother and is not parent material.

    I'll be brutal again - stop thinking with your lower half and start using what's between your ears. This is bad, really really bad.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    stop thinking with your lower half and start using what's between your ears
    Absolutely!!!................................

  9. #38
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Absolutely!!!................................
    Yup!..............

  10. #39
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    DQ

    Wow the ladies are kicking your butt!!! I like it You can tell just how protective the women here on ENA are of children. Listen to them no matter how tough they are on you. Digest what they tell you and think about how you ended up making excuse after excuse for her. I think you know but haven't verbalized it. She was smoking hot with a killer body and you lost your vision and sensibility when you looked at her. It is like staring at the sun, it makes us into dumb knuckle dragging idiots sometimes. The thing is this woman figured that out a long time ago and uses it to her advantage.

    Okay I am going to comment about the story she told you about her coked up drunken party with those men. You said it must have been true since she didn't have to mention it and you would have never known otherwise.
    Cheaters do this thing where they tell a portion of the truth. I think there is a twofold reason. 1. It allows them to keep track of the lies since it is partially true. 2. It allows them wiggle room if they are caught. The truth is always easier to remember than a lie and the wiggle room comes into play IF by some coincidence you here about one of her escapades she could say "remember I told you about that night" and since her version was told without prompting you will believe her because you want to believe her.

    For all you know she could have given those guys oral that night or more.

    The thing that worries me most is that you want to go see her and continue your white knight role in her life. You say you are not into drugs but my friend you are addicted to this woman and are going through withdrawals right now! I would bet good money that if she showed up at your house and told you she wanted to try again you would jump at the chance. It is okay to admit it, we have all done stupid stuff in and out of relationships.

    Your best bet like all addicts is to stay away from the drug so there is no temptation until you are healthy enough to fight the urge.

    I encourage you to keep posting and reading other threads on here.

    Lost
    Last edited by lostandhurt; 06-05-2020 at 10:59 AM.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by lostandhurt
    DQ

    Wow the ladies are kicking your butt!!! I like it You can tell just how protective the women here on ENA are of children. Listen to them no matter how tough they are on you. Digest what they tell you and think about how you ended up making excuse after excuse for her. I think you know but haven't verbalized it. She was smoking hot with a killer body and you lost your vision and sensibility when you looked at her. It is like staring at the sun, it makes us into dumb knuckle dragging idiots sometimes. The thing is this woman figured that out a long time ago and uses it to her advantage.

    Okay I am going to comment about the story she told you about her coked up drunken party with those men. You said it must have been true since she didn't have to mention it and you would have never known otherwise.
    Cheaters do this thing where they tell a portion of the truth. I think there is a twofold reason. 1. It allows them to keep track of the lies since it is partially true. 2. It allows them wiggle room if they are caught. The truth is always easier to remember than a lie and the wiggle room comes into play IF by some coincidence you here about one of her escapades she could say "remember I told you about that night" and since her version was told without prompting you will believe her because you want to believe her.

    For all you know she could have given those guys oral that night or more.

    The thing that worries me most is that you want to go see her and continue your white knight role in her life. You say you are not into drugs but my friend you are addicted to this woman and are going through withdrawals right now! I would bet good money that if she showed up at your house and told you she wanted to try again you would jump at the chance. It is okay to admit it, we have all done stupid stuff in and out of relationships.

    Your best bet like all addicts is to stay away from the drug so there is no temptation until you are healthy enough to fight the urge.

    I encourage you to keep posting and reading other threads on here.

    Lost
    I did ask for brutal honesty and I certainly got it! strangely enough last night she unblocked me on WhatsApp and sent me a barrage of messages. I have her blocked on Instagram so im unsure how she saw but she started on about how I have re-added 10+ people so I she doesn't know why I ever made it seem like it's because I wanted too. I clearly felt like she was making me, and that in itself isn't healthy. She doesn't think im an , never has or will and that if anything she maybe wishes that she had been a stronger person to be able to push past this.

    She basically messaged me thanking me for her stuff I returned yesterday (posted it through her letterbox without knocking and left). then raised an issue of me removing her from my phone discount scheme (which I haddnt). I am currently in the process of sorting it and there has been some general chit chat between us while it is being sorted with the above being mentioned. I have made it clear multiple times though once this is all sorted I want to be going back to zero contact and blocking each other. She has asked for me not to block her until at least after my birthday (18 days away!).

    This woman is ing with my head 1 min saying she had a bad day yesterday thinking of all the good times we had together, most of her happiest memories are with me but she cant put her finger on where or why it went wrong.

    I know I'm about to be torn apart for even replying and not blocking her the min she unblocked me and I need it to be honest. I have read all the replies and reading them I feel better about the situation. I know it isn't healthy to have this attachment to this woman and I have never been like this with one before so struggling to see why i ended up in this position.

    I know it seems like I have been thinking with the lower half of my body and I do think that there is some truth in that but not totally - we would have weekends away without anything physical happening for 1 reason or another and i was happy just being in her presence. Same with when she would come over and stay, I have said to her a few times I'm not in the mood, I just wanted to be around her!

    Im sure there is a queue forming to send me an internet slap and it is probably what I need but i will be googling this white knight syndrome because i really don't want to be feeling like this anymore, i just cant seem to snap out of it!

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