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Thread: Help hahahah in my feels rn

  1. #1

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    Help hahahah in my feels rn

    Been reading ENA forums for a long time but now i need your help!! long story short- Im 26yo guy and been dating L who's 24, for nearly 4 years, since 2016. We've had a v v v good relationship and always cared about each other, we'd argue over text over stupid stuff but made up again an hour later but the point is, we've always been in love. We broke up in Feb 2020 due to me arguing w her sister, her dad found out and was so angry off w me. She didn't want to break up but said we have to due to the fact that her dad will never allow me back in her house or we cannot take our relationship further (get married) but fast forward 6 weeks and i apologised to both her sister and dad. They accepted my apology and realised we all say stuff we regret sometimes so they do not hold it against me.

    After we broke up, she started talking to someone else STRAIGHT away and i beefed him, i was hurt (so stupid i know), she was so angry she blocked me on all social media but 2/3 weeks later i even sorted it w him too. I realised i was a an idiot but i went NC from mid Feb until April - i reached out and understandably she was still angry and hurt, saying hurtful things to me but I left it again w LC for another 2 weeks and then surprisingly she was sort of okay, we had a v good convo in end of April up until end of May (probably spoke about 3x, just small convos but i could tell it was v good progress)

    I reached out last week (May 27th 2020) and we had a good convo, a couple of jokes and she actually wanted to talk by fully engaging!!! I spoke again today but she done a 180 and just said "its weird messaging each other" "its healthier if we go our separate ways" which was a shock??? if she truly believed that, why not block me from the start? she's spent so long trying to get my attention; stalking my facebook, blocking me on depop then unblocking me so i can see her post, changing her WhatsApp picture alllll the time (its the only socials i have her on apart from depop and iMessage) a LOT of my girl mates can see she still has feelings for me and misses me but how stubborn can one person be?

    Ive been following ENA advice but i had to make an account and ask directly - she always told me how she gave up on love before she met me because she's been cheated on by her past 3 guys and im the first guy she's ever loved properly, brought home and wanted to marry. Like we're best friends and she's always loved how she can be herself around me so i know our connection/love/history is stronger than anything but im confused about the mixed signals :/ she's never been the type to sleep around or anything but i have a feeling she's speaking to new guys and is loving the attention she's getting on tinder

    I could be out sleeping w a new girl everyday but my f**kboi days are over, since i met her, i only want her now: advice much appreciated
    Last edited by ynk6; 06-03-2020 at 03:34 PM. Reason: extra infoooo

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    There are no mixed signals, unfortunately. She is not interested in being with you at all. Her activity on social media and why she's doing what she does are all assumptions on your part and gossip/assumptions from your "girl mates".

    It appears that she is not interested. Hassling her further might be taking it too far.

    If you care about her, listen to her carefully and take the cues. She deserves to be happy as do you.

  3. #3

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    If she is not interested why not just block me and move on in life? her blocking then unblocking me a few days later just so i can see her post really does scream she wants my attention

  4. #4

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    furthermore, how can someone agree to go out on a date two weeks after breaking up from a 4 year relationship. It makes no sense :/

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I disagree and I'm sorry that this is causing you a lot of pain and confusion. What she chooses to do with her profile and her private/dating life is up to her. Assuming that it has anything to do with you or jumping to the conclusion that she's hung up on you is a bit far-fetched. Let's say she is? It's also none of your business because she's told you she would rather not message or be in contact. It's over.

    The sooner you are able to process that it's no longer any of your business to hassle her or bug her, I think the easier it will be for you to move on and find love again. This isn't the right person for you.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It seems it went downhill after the fight with her family. Good idea to stay no contact. How do you know she is on tinder or dating? It seems she wants to move on and hasn't forgiven you but was trying to "be friends". If you want to get back together, don't hang around in the friendzone.
    Originally Posted by ynk6
    She didn't want to break up but said we have to due to the fact that her dad will never allow me back in her house
    After we broke up, she started talking to someone else STRAIGHT away and i beefed him
    she said "its healthier if we go our separate ways"
    i have a feeling she's speaking to new guys and is loving the attention she's getting on tinder
    I could be out sleeping w a new girl everyday but my f**kboi days are over

  8. #7

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    Okay thank you for your input hahah i do know that but the name of this Getting Back Together and if there is no helpful advice, except making me feel worse i lost the love of my life, then i would appreciate not having your input. Thanks

  9. #8

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    Wiseman - yeah definitely, it went downhill but I have more or less fixed the situation. I was NC for a while but i felt that she'd just forget about me if i didn't at least try to get talking to her as per some forums on ENA.

    We live in the same town and my friends saw her profile - she has NEVER used tinder in her life except now which is weird hahah what's my strategy here?

  10. #9

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    In all honesty i don't really mind her dating; its probably the best way to help her realise that maybe we are v good together - sometimes you have to fall apart to fall back together as a couple

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    1) Do not listen to the assumptions of others. No-one can know what is going on in your ex's mind, especially if they aren't her close friends.

    2) Do not read into her actions on social media. You are reading into what she DOES do and you are reading into what she DOESN'T do. None of this means anything if she isn't telling you she wants you back. Not quite letting go of you could be helping her to move on.

    3) If she is talking to other guys after telling you that you should go your separate ways then that is the clearest indication of where this is headed right now.

    To be honest, if she started talking to someone else as soon as you broke up, it sounds as though she was ready for things to end. Maybe the argument with her sister was the push that she needed.

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