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Thread: Help hahahah in my feels rn

  1. #81
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ynk6
    What do you think of that “getting back together really does happen” forum - I’ve read it bloody religiously and it seems to me that people cheated on their S/O, done NC, contacted them and somehow sparks still flew - I don’t get why people are so quick to jump the gun on my situation and say “it’ll never happen in a million billion years” when we see these stories all the time 🤷🏻♂️
    Because in most cases, it is unlikely .... and, quite frankly, it has nothing to do with what a forum says or what anyone else has done or what sparks flew where. It is about just one person ..... you ex. Nothing else you read about anyone else's situation has anything to do with how your ex feels right now or how she will feel in the future.

  2. #82
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ynk6
    Personally I think it depends on the demographic, how good the relationship was, connection, love etc but yeah you’re 100% right - there’s not a given answer here really,
    Absolutely! See, you do know this stuff really.

    EDIT: Someone once told me that there is nothing wrong with hanging on to a little bit of hope, whilst actively moving on .... and I agree with that.

  3. #83
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Most of those reconciled couples didn't end up staying together. And just because some people reconciled doesn't mean everyone will. People have free will.

    How long do you think you'll be able to hold off contacting her?

    What I recommend is you decide you won't contact her today. Then decide that every day. Don't look days or weeks ahead. Just decide TODAY you won't contact her.

  4. #84
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    Originally Posted by ynk6
    What do you think of that “getting back together really does happen” forum - I’ve read it bloody religiously and it seems to me that people cheated on their S/O, done NC, contacted them and somehow sparks still flew - I don’t get why people are so quick to jump the gun on my situation and say “it’ll never happen in a million billion years” when we see these stories all the time 🤷🏻♂️
    You and her have already been one of those couples that split and got back together after NC.

    That’s the stories you are reading.
    Did you post yours on there? And have you now gone back to update that forum that the reconciliation was relatively short lived? And you have now parted ways anyway?

    That’s the part you aren’t reading.

    You seem determined to keep contacting her , so just do it. No one here can stop you but merely advise.

    And no one will advise you on how to get her back because the message that we are receiving from you is that she simply doesn’t want to come back. Not because she is stubborn , but because she she clearly said she doesn’t want to.
    This is not the same as your argument 8 months in.
    Therefore it would be foolish to expect the same outcome.

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  6. #85

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    I do know a few people that reconciled after breaking up; some stayed and got engaged but some couldn't make it work and i really think its just down to the luck of the draw really. No one really knows which way it'll go

    Okay perfect - just do that indefinitely?

  7. #86

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    Welllll i wouldn't say we "split up" per se, it was her just overreacting and me giving her space to think - id say its more of a break.

    If you look at my join date, I only joined ENA two days ago.

    Im not going to contact her until she reaches out to me first tbh or i feel like there's been enough time and distance between us we can talk. I whole heartedly disagree w you, i know her better than anyone in the world - she might be lying, she might be trying to move on or she might just want me out the picture while she plays the field so there's a million possibilities, not just the one you've said.

    Sometimes couples have to fall apart to fall back back together and im just going to trust that the love/connection we had is strong enough we'll make it work in the near future.

  8. #87

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    Haha thank you!! What does moving on mean? its such a simple term but does it mean i just stop caring but still harbour the same feelings or does it mean I basically go sleep w other girls and get rid of any feelings i have/ever will have?

  9. #88
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    An observation:

    Multiple times you've referenced, with what sounds like pride, that you could "easily" be sampling lots of hot sauce out there. You've revealed to us, a bunch of strangers, your "number." Now you're equating "moving on" with sleeping around as a way to "get rid" of feelings.

    What's up with all that?

    I ask because, be it this woman or another, the way you're talking about sex and women is not, generally, a way that is going to inspire a woman to commit to you, come back to you, or take you very seriously as commitment material. It's a weaponization of sex and intimacy, and people don't like to be weaponized, or feel like they're soldiers in someone else's personal war zone. Peacocks have their charms, in short, but they only go so far.

    Want to never have sex again, or have loads of sex tomorrow? Cool. Both are fine—and, really, the same. Just a personal choice, not a badge of honor and certainly not something to be rewarded for—not by a woman, not with the fist bump of a dude. Make that the main currency of romance—and, well, you'll find some limitations.

    Plotting a way into someone's pants? Zoom out a few degrees, and it's kind of an offshoot of plotting a way to get someone to want to get back with you. That's conquering, manipulation, and ultimately it's demeaning to another human to believe that you have the power to get them to do anything, be it getting naked or getting back together.

    Just some thoughts to think about, or not, though giving them some reflection may help you move forward, shedding a few husks to be the sort of guy you couldn't quite be when you were with her, one whose heart is twice the size of his ego. Does that mean you get back together? No, since that's a choice she'll have to participate in. But it does get you closer to what you want regardless, so it becomes a win-win.

    At the end of the day, your reasons for wanting her back should be because you value her about 10 times as much as you value the idea that getting back with you would make you feel better than you presently do.

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