Help hahahah in my feels rn

Been reading ENA forums for a long time but now i need your help!! long story short- Im 26yo guy and been dating L who's 24, for nearly 4 years, since 2016. We've had a v v v good relationship and always cared about each other, we'd argue over text over stupid stuff but made up again an hour later but the point is, we've always been in love. We broke up in Feb 2020 due to me arguing w her sister, her dad found out and was so angry off w me. She didn't want to break up but said we have to due to the fact that her dad will never allow me back in her house or we cannot take our relationship further (get married) but fast forward 6 weeks and i apologised to both her sister and dad. They accepted my apology and realised we all say stuff we regret sometimes so they do not hold it against me.

After we broke up, she started talking to someone else STRAIGHT away and i beefed him, i was hurt (so stupid i know), she was so angry she blocked me on all social media but 2/3 weeks later i even sorted it w him too. I realised i was a an idiot but i went NC from mid Feb until April - i reached out and understandably she was still angry and hurt, saying hurtful things to me but I left it again w LC for another 2 weeks and then surprisingly she was sort of okay, we had a v good convo in end of April up until end of May (probably spoke about 3x, just small convos but i could tell it was v good progress)

I reached out last week (May 27th 2020) and we had a good convo, a couple of jokes and she actually wanted to talk by fully engaging!!! I spoke again today but she done a 180 and just said "its weird messaging each other" "its healthier if we go our separate ways" which was a shock??? if she truly believed that, why not block me from the start? she's spent so long trying to get my attention; stalking my facebook, blocking me on depop then unblocking me so i can see her post, changing her WhatsApp picture alllll the time (its the only socials i have her on apart from depop and iMessage) a LOT of my girl mates can see she still has feelings for me and misses me but how stubborn can one person be?

Ive been following ENA advice but i had to make an account and ask directly - she always told me how she gave up on love before she met me because she's been cheated on by her past 3 guys and im the first guy she's ever loved properly, brought home and wanted to marry. Like we're best friends and she's always loved how she can be herself around me so i know our connection/love/history is stronger than anything but im confused about the mixed signals :/ she's never been the type to sleep around or anything but i have a feeling she's speaking to new guys and is loving the attention she's getting on tinder

I could be out sleeping w a new girl everyday but my f**kboi days are over, since i met her, i only want her now: advice much appreciated

There are no mixed signals, unfortunately. She is not interested in being with you at all. Her activity on social media and why she's doing what she does are all assumptions on your part and gossip/assumptions from your "girl mates".

It appears that she is not interested. Hassling her further might be taking it too far.

If you care about her, listen to her carefully and take the cues. She deserves to be happy as do you.

If she is not interested why not just block me and move on in life? her blocking then unblocking me a few days later just so i can see her post really does scream she wants my attention

furthermore, how can someone agree to go out on a date two weeks after breaking up from a 4 year relationship. It makes no sense :/

I disagree and I'm sorry that this is causing you a lot of pain and confusion. What she chooses to do with her profile and her private/dating life is up to her. Assuming that it has anything to do with you or jumping to the conclusion that she's hung up on you is a bit far-fetched. Let's say she is? It's also none of your business because she's told you she would rather not message or be in contact. It's over.

The sooner you are able to process that it's no longer any of your business to hassle her or bug her, I think the easier it will be for you to move on and find love again. This isn't the right person for you.

Sorry to hear this. It seems it went downhill after the fight with her family. Good idea to stay no contact. How do you know she is on tinder or dating? It seems she wants to move on and hasn't forgiven you but was trying to "be friends". If you want to get back together, don't hang around in the friendzone.

She didn't want to break up but said we have to due to the fact that her dad will never allow me back in her house

After we broke up, she started talking to someone else STRAIGHT away and i beefed him

she said "its healthier if we go our separate ways"

i have a feeling she's speaking to new guys and is loving the attention she's getting on tinder

I could be out sleeping w a new girl everyday but my f**kboi days are over

Okay thank you for your input hahah i do know that but the name of this Getting Back Together and if there is no helpful advice, except making me feel worse i lost the love of my life, then i would appreciate not having your input. Thanks

Wiseman - yeah definitely, it went downhill but I have more or less fixed the situation. I was NC for a while but i felt that she'd just forget about me if i didn't at least try to get talking to her as per some forums on ENA.

We live in the same town and my friends saw her profile - she has NEVER used tinder in her life except now which is weird hahah what's my strategy here?

In all honesty i don't really mind her dating; its probably the best way to help her realise that maybe we are v good together - sometimes you have to fall apart to fall back together as a couple

1) Do not listen to the assumptions of others. No-one can know what is going on in your ex's mind, especially if they aren't her close friends.

2) Do not read into her actions on social media. You are reading into what she DOES do and you are reading into what she DOESN'T do. None of this means anything if she isn't telling you she wants you back. Not quite letting go of you could be helping her to move on.

3) If she is talking to other guys after telling you that you should go your separate ways then that is the clearest indication of where this is headed right now.

To be honest, if she started talking to someone else as soon as you broke up, it sounds as though she was ready for things to end. Maybe the argument with her sister was the push that she needed.

furthermore, how can someone agree to go out on a date two weeks after breaking up from a 4 year relationship. It makes no sense :/

It is possible if she had already emotionally checked out some time before she ended things, which is generally the case.

She had no reason to emotionally check out or end the relationship herself- of course we argued but doesn’t everyone. She said she couldn’t be friendly because she has deeper emotions as her sister and dad wasn’t in a relationship w me, she was. So I’m asking how can I get her to open up so we can talk this out

Tbh I think after 4 years of a relationship she might’ve been suffering from GIGS and is enjoying being single - that’s what my girl mates have said. You can’t really throw away 4 years of memories/history/connection out the window forever

Let her reach out to you and give her lots of space. Stop contacting her.

I’m asking how can I get her to open up so we can talk this out

Wiseman - could I PM you? I’m not sure how because I’ve never used this before and this is an old school site 😂 but I feel like you’re v experienced and I need your help

She had no reason to emotionally check out or end the relationship herself- of course we argued but doesn’t everyone. She said she couldn’t be friendly because she has deeper emotions as her sister and dad wasn’t in a relationship w me, she was. So I’m asking how can I get her to open up so we can talk this out

Relationships end all the time for "no reason" other than one person's feelings have changed towards the other. Nothing drastic has to happen for people to fall out of love. People's feelings just change. It is no-one's fault.

I'm just saying that it's a possiblity given that she didn't take too long in chatting to other guys.

See, I think that’s where we disagree - I personally think after being in a relationship for so long and w one person, she felt a sense of freedoms being single and probably 3 weeks after we broke up she agreed to go on a date w the guy I beefed - he told me so I’m not sure if it’s accurate, he said he didn’t know about me and backed off but principle still stands. I think she’s enjoying single life and all the attention she’s getting from guys but how long will that last

Tbh I think after 4 years of a relationship she might’ve been suffering from GIGS and is enjoying being single - that’s what my girl mates have said. You can’t really throw away 4 years of memories/history/connection out the window forever

Well, to be blunt, you can. As I said in my previous post, relationships end all the time .... and this is exactly what happens. The memories will always be there, of course, but that won't stop someone from moving on if that is what they want to do.

See, I think that’s where we disagree - I personally think after being in a relationship for so long and w one person, she felt a sense of freedoms being single and probably 3 weeks after we broke up she agreed to go on a date w the guy I beefed - he told me so I’m not sure if it’s accurate, he said he didn’t know about me and backed off but principle still stands. I think she’s enjoying single life and all the attention she’s getting from guys but how long will that last

Well, yes, that is a possibility too but then you would have to ask why she felt a sense of freedom instead of a sense of impending doom which is what most people feel when a relationship ends. There are lots of possibilities here and GIGS could certainly be one of them. The thing is, you have to look at all possible outcomes here to help stay emotionally grounded. I do realise that is easier said than done, however.

I’ve asked myself that; the only conclusion I come up w is that she hasn’t felt the doom yet, she’s feeling relieved probably, she has her life back to her and has no relationship to work on. Obviously I know her better than anyone, probably better than she knows herself and GIGS is the only viable reason. Probably why she doesn’t wanna talk to me, so she doesn’t have to remind herself she loves me

Nah I get you fella!! I guess everyone has a diff opinion on it but what I’m trying say is that I need advice to help me make progress w her - she doesn’t hate me anymore which is a big plus but I need her to miss me

Nah I get you fella!! I guess everyone has a diff opinion on it but what I’m trying say is that I need advice to help me make progress w her - she doesn’t hate me anymore which is a big plus but I need her to miss me

Well, the only way to make progress is to hang back and to give her the space and time to miss you. As you said, she hasn't felt the doom yet. Give her space and she might well do.

I don’t understand the female mind tho; will she not just think “thank god he’s gone, now I can move on properly” she 1000% hasn’t felt the doom yet, she’s enjoying life and loving the attention from random guys to boost her ego hahaha

I read on ENA it takes an ex 2-4 months to stop hating you and another 2-4 to start missing you, is that what I do?

Thank you btw haha

No problem :)

Generally speaking when someone ends a relationship they will initially be feeling a sense of relief. Ending a relationship isn't easy so she's more likely going to think "thank God that's done" as opposed to "thank God he's gone". And moving on doesn't necessarily mean moving on with someone else, it can just mean moving on emotionally.

At this point, it could go so many ways. There are no guarantees that she will miss you but, yes, you need to step away and give her the time to know whether she misses you or not. You need to use that time constructively though. You don't want to be sitting at home, counting down the days and watching her movements on social media. You need to do things that will help you move on to - just in case, ya know.

Ahhhh okay! If she’s moving on emotionally is that the end of that then? Like her moving on emotionally is her basically ignoring her feelings for me?

I think it can two ways; either she doesn’t miss me or she does :/ she’s always hated dating, before me she was cheated on by pretty much every guy or treated really badly and gave up on love until she met me; always said it’ll take someone special to do that, that’s the reason why I KNOW she loves me so deeply but I guess you’re right, I just have to sit back and let her realise it for herself. Talking to her every week just pushed her further away even tho she’s not the type to ever message me first 🤷🏻♂️