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Thread: Feeling down about a setback

  1. #1
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    Feeling down about a setback

    Hi all,

    This is both a rant and question of how to handle a situation I guess.

    So Ive been working hard to get somewhere in my field for a while now and its slow progress, but recently a large company with a lot of money (being in the financial sector) contacted me for a project. Whats really weird is that my boyfriend worked for them doing the same type of work a year or two ago. He is a lot more successful than me currently and has been doing it for longer.

    He's talked about this client before and how they were pretty much a nightmare to work with but payed big. They even hired someone after he refused to work with them anymore, to copy his work! But here I am struggling and that money would help me tremendously, so I wanted to at least hear what they had to say.

    So my boyfriend and I decided on a rate to pitch this company. To my surprise they accepted and set up a phone call. While on this 30-40 minute phone call they told me all about this project and they basically ended up implying that they want this project to look like the work my boyfriend did. Now in my field this is considered pretty blatant copying and its not really cool. I told them I could try to make it fit in with what he's done but without blatantly ripping him off. It felt really bad after how much they had complimented "my work" but finding out they really just wanted me to copy someone else's work. And my boyfriend of all people. I already struggle with comparing myself to him, and this was a pretty devastating blow.

    And now I just got an email that said circumstances have changed and they can no longer move forward with the rates they already agreed to :/. I know its probably for the best but do I even need to respond? I would probably never work with them in the future and I really hate how they wasted my time, insulting both my work and integrity. I even had to take time out of my day to get ready for the actual video call (like why did it have to be video?!), and then just sit in my house the rest of the day like an idiot with my hair makeup and outfit done. I feel awful right now.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The details are a bit vague but I'd set out an outline of what you will and won't do as part of the contract and negotiate with them. It doesn't sound set in stone unless they've given you a clear idea of what you should copy or create. The economy world-wide isn't doing so well right now and I'm surprised you've got an offer for some work. If money is an issue and it's a lowered rate, I'd just start thinking about an outline and go from there provided you have a conversation first with your boyfriend disclosing the extent of what you're doing in this position.

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    The details are a bit vague but I'd set out an outline of what you will and won't do as part of the contract and negotiate with them. It doesn't sound set in stone unless they've given you a clear idea of what you should copy or create. The economy world-wide isn't doing so well right now and I'm surprised you've got an offer for some work. If money is an issue and it's a lowered rate, I'd just start thinking about an outline and go from there provided you have a conversation first with your boyfriend disclosing the extent of what you're doing in this position.
    Well they actually reached out again saying they cant move forward with the budget we previously decided upon. So there wont be any contract, unless they're expecting me to beg and lower my rates. I wont do that because the project is literally a rewards program that spontaneously doubles their clients paychecks lol. They have plenty to spare. Besides its a fraction of what they payed my boyfriend. Im just upset and wondering if I even have to reply to them after they wasted so much time and are just shady people in general.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by blitzkrieged
    Well they actually reached out again saying they cant move forward with the budget we previously decided upon. So there wont be any contract, unless they're expecting me to beg and lower my rates. I wont do that because the project is literally a rewards program that spontaneously doubles their clients paychecks lol. They have plenty to spare. Besides its a fraction of what they payed my boyfriend. Im just upset and wondering if I even have to reply to them after they wasted so much time and are just shady people in general.
    I would reply and thank them for their time. Your boyfriend did work for them pre-pandemic a year or two ago. Times have changed. It never hurts to stay humble and at least thank an employer for their time and consideration.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Just step away from this

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I would reply and thank them for their time. Your boyfriend did work for them pre-pandemic a year or two ago. Times have changed. It never hurts to stay humble and at least thank an employer for their time and consideration.
    Really?! What about my time? I spent 40 minutes on the phone with them! They are a bank in no way affected by this situation, or why would they be giving away free money just because? lol did you even read my post?

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Just step away from this
    Sounds reasonable!

  9. #8
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    That sounds frustrating. Hugs.

    I've recently had some setback in work too and for a while got quite emotional with it. Different story but essentially I felt unappreciated and meanwhile dissatisfied with my progress in my career or I won't have to be dealing with these people (so I thought!). Took me a moment to get over it and eventually recognize it was more of a waste of my time and energy to get upset with people who are, ultimately, merely professional agents and nothing more in my life. There is no point holding the kind of expectations for them like I would for a friend. They are not my friend and will stay that way. I also realized that there could be such disappointments and setbacks no matter where I am in my career, so it doesn't have to be a verdict against me or my achievements. I'm trying to use that energy of anger to fuel my work so I can get where I want sooner.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    I think itís a good opportunity to reply and attempt to negotiate for exactly what you want. Seriously, just for practice. The worst they can do is accept your counter offer!

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by SophiaG
    That sounds frustrating. Hugs.

    I've recently had some setback in work too and for a while got quite emotional with it. Different story but essentially I felt unappreciated and meanwhile dissatisfied with my progress in my career or I won't have to be dealing with these people (so I thought!). Took me a moment to get over it and eventually recognize it was more of a waste of my time and energy to get upset with people who are, ultimately, merely professional agents and nothing more in my life. There is no point holding the kind of expectations for them like I would for a friend. They are not my friend and will stay that way. I also realized that there could be such disappointments and setbacks no matter where I am in my career, so it doesn't have to be a verdict against me or my achievements. I'm trying to use that energy of anger to fuel my work so I can get where I want sooner.
    Hey,

    This is actually a really good perspective to have. Not taking it personal and whatnot. They seem pretty problematic regardless of me or what I've done. Thanks for this.

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