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Thread: Did I ruin a rekindling Chance with ex gf of 3yrs?

  1. #1
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    Did I ruin a rekindling Chance with ex gf of 3yrs?

    Me (24) and my ex girlfriend (24) split up 3 years ago today. She broke it off with me because I had become complacent and lazy in the relationship. We went on to No Contact for a few months after my pathetic pleas until she had reached out again saying she missed me and signs of a possible rekindling. I blew that opportunity and she went on to date a new guy 4-5 months after we split (end of 2017). I went forward with my life and practically got to the point where I would stop checking her social media and go a few days without thinking of her.


    Well last week she had text me “hey”. I was shocked. She had posted ex bashing posts a lot on her socials even when dating her new man. I thought she would never speak to me again, as I had vouched I would leave her alone as well out of respect. When I got the text I did not know the reason quite yet. I was torn between answering to find out or deleting it to not open the emotional wound I’ve worked hard to heal. I opted to delete the text. Curiosity got to me and I looked her up to see her and her new relationship of 2.5 years was over. It had been just under a month ago from when she sent me “hey”.


    What do you guys make of this and my choice to delete it? Why would she text me? Was there any chance to rekindle anything in this situation?



    I do not know if I made the right decision because I truly don’t know what I would honestly want. I miss what we had, I haven’t dated anyone, but I haven’t dwelled until now

  2. #2
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    It sounds as if she contacted you only because the well went dry, and she's looking for a temporary replacement until she gets a better offer.

    In short, (imo) she's back in touch for all the wrong reasons. And, yes I think you made the right decision.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    for what its worth, i think you did the right thing.

    a random hey text is zero effort. its a line to see if you'll take the bait.

    A month after she broke up with her last guy? her ego needed a stroke.

    I'd unfriend and block on social media. its time.

  4. #4
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    I hear you, I agree with you completely. But the thought that maybe it could have been GIGS and maybe she could be reflecting on me and her past relationship now eats at me. Could she be possibly considering something between us?.. or am I naive to think she’s not just broken up over the newly ended relationship?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She wants a shoulder to cry on.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cchance11
    I hear you, I agree with you completely. But the thought that maybe it could have been GIGS and maybe she could be reflecting on me and her past relationship now eats at me. Could she be possibly considering something between us?.. or am I naive to think she’s not just broken up over the newly ended relationship?
    i totally get that!

    Here's something to chew on.... ok. lets say she is pondering and considering....

    now let's think about what is a attractive to the opposite sex... confidence, self-respect, strength....

    you said you begged her a little after the break up. Of course you did. We cant we help acting desperate, with no self respect, with no confidence. its completely human but it is not attractive to the opposite sex.

    And then we start to feel better and we beat ourselves up for being and appearring weak. we wish we could go back and be stronger...

    Still with me? This is your do over dude.

    the strong, confident you knows that you really only want someone who is sure they want you. but how are you acting? she sends one hey and you are ready to jump.

    she thinks she knows you. she knows you will jump at her attention, be all in and for what a 3 letter, 1 word text.

    Don't fall for it!

    Let it be. know you are worth more.... Let her either ponder it and put in the effort or let time pass and leave it up to the universe....

    She is needing attention, if you jump at nothing and get all wrapped up in her, you will kick yourself later.

    She'll bask in the attention for awhile and then pull away. You'll be confused and hurt. she'll say, I'm sorry. I'm confused. I miss my boyfriend... brutal!

    save yourself this.... its not GIGS. its been years. that relationship is on the rocks and she's lonely.

    have you tried meeting new women?

  8. #7
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    If she was interested in rekindling she would've attempted a lot more than a "hey". 3 years have passed and she just got out of a long term relationship. She was probably feeling hurt and lonely and reaching out to people in her past to take her mind off or to vent. It probably wouldn't be the best time. I think not responding was the right thing especially if you do still have hope because she's an ex and neither of you have shown any real effort at rekindling and some things will never change.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Did I ruin a rekindling Chance with ex gf of 3yrs?
    I doubt it. A fresh breakup is not exactly the right time to position yourself as anything beyond a rebound. Look up that term--it's a thing. And as seductive as it might be play in that sandbox, it usually backfires once the rebounder heals and discovers that she really should have taken enough time to be singe and 'find herself.'

    You dodged a bullet. Keep moving forward, and you'll thank yourself later.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    I don't feel you ruined anything.. I believe what's done is done now.
    You two split over 2.5 yrs ago? And she moved on to someone new.

    I have have heard so many times, after a BU, most often it will not work out a second time either.

    You have begun your healing in this.. keep moving forward. Don't fall back - or you may regret it :/.

    Is sad when someone you cared for , you lose. Been there a cpl times.

  11. #10
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    She was contacting you because she is lonely after breaking up with her most recent ex.

    There was nothing to rekindle.

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