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Thread: Advice on moving on after 4 months

  1. #11
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    This reply is for everyone who has replied to me. I do really appreciate all of the support and advice that has been shared.

    It is a difficult situation especially having been stuck in quarantine for quite a long time.

    I think you're all right in saying that no contact will help me move forward so i'm going to stick with that and see where it takes me.

    Thank you all

  2. #12
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    From all of us (many that have been in your shoes) you are very welcome.

    This isn't the end so keep posting. We all love to hear good news and when (not if) you hit a bump in the road come back and post.

    There are a lot of really good people here that are very understanding so keep posting. It is important that you know that you are not alone.

    Lost

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by spencfix24
    Hello,

    Me and my ex broke up 4 months ago after a 2 year relationship and I'm having a bit of trouble. Honestly it's strange because we argued on a daily basis and at times I didn't even look forward to seeing her. I'm 24 years old and this wasn't my first serious relationship but I'd still like some advice.

    So when we broke up we spoke a bit at the start, tried to be friends, didn't work and then stopped talking for a while. We started talking again about a month ago giving the whole friends thing a shot. We both came to the same conclusion that it wasn't going to work but we don't want to completely remove each other from our lives so let say we're being civil, not talking on a daily basis.

    My problem is that it's been 4 months and I still spend about 80% of my day thinking about her. This has been going on since the start of the break up. Everything and I genuinely mean every stupid little thing reminds me of her. For example like drinking coffee because she loved it, cold weather reminds me of times we got up early for holiday flights and the weirdest one is even some of my family members because she got on so well with them. I recently started a new job working from home and I can't concentrate on work. I'm quiet when I'm out with my friends and I've tried talking to new girls but I compare them all to my ex and I lose interest in talking to them. Sometimes I think I'm ready to move on and sometimes I'm not.

    Honestly I just want it to stop because it's torture. I'm sad every day and can't concentrate on things that are meant to take my mind off it. Neither me or my ex want to fix things but I'm finding it so difficult to move on. I understand being like this for the first few weeks but it's been 4 months and I haven't seen her. Even when I text her it reminds me why I wanted to break up in the first place. Does anyone have any advice that could help?

    Just wanted to give you all an update in hope that I could receive some more good advice like the last time around. So since I last posted, I've only spoke with my ex once. It was a very brief conversation, she just texted me congratulating me because the football team I support won a trophy and she used to always watch the games with me. Other than that, it's been cold turkey.

    I was very good for about a week or 2. It got to the point where I remember actually thinking about her and thinking to myself that it was the first time I did in days. Since then, the last week or so has been really tough and today I broke. I didn't text her but I was a mess. It's getting really hard for me and I feel like I'm missing her more and more. I still don't have the motivation or desire to speak with new girls and I'm losing motivation to do hobbies I enjoy.

    The things I didn't like about her are things that I'm starting to miss so I'm having less and less bad memories by the day. Overall I guess what I'm feeling is loneliness so I was hoping someone could give me a bit of advice on what I could do.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Check in with a doctor to make sure depression has not set in. It's been a long time and while sadness, nostalgia and some heartache are normal, this level and extended despondency may not be. Don't go it alone. Especially if you feel it's creeping into other areas of your life.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You may be suffering from depression.

    Are you having trouble sleeping? Or sleeping too much? Have you lost your appetite? Do you have very little energy? Have you lost interest in things you used to really enjoy? Are you isolating yourself? Have you lost weight?

    If so, please contact your doctor for a telehealth appointment. Explain how you are feeling. I am currently struggling with depression and anxiety (not due to a breakup) and I reached out for help. I am receiving help through virtual appointments.

    This feeling could be temporary. Try talking to friends who you know care about you. Keep in touch with your family and try to spend time with them if you're able. But if you feel you need help please don't be ashamed to ask for it.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Check in with a doctor to make sure depression has not set in. It's been a long time and while sadness, nostalgia and some heartache are normal, this level and extended despondency may not be. Don't go it alone. Especially if you feel it's creeping into other areas of your life.
    I was on anti depressants for over a year but I came off them by the end of last year. I think you're right in what you're saying

  8. #17
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    Bolt n run -

    Its a mix of both really I used to sleep quite a lot but since I started that new job I haven't been sleeping much no. This week I definitely havn't been eating like I normally would and Im not sure about the weight loss. As I said to wiseman I was previously on anti depressants and came off them by the end of last year. I feel maybe I should contact my doctor about this
    Last edited by spencfix24; 06-28-2020 at 05:03 PM. Reason: Replying to bolt n run

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