Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 13 of 13

Thread: My woman is not respecting me and I`m lost

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,951
    Gender
    Female
    When you try to talk to her, how do you approach it? If you say something generic like "I feel disrespected" - it's really impossible for her, or anyone, to understand what your specific problem is and what they might be doing to cause it. It just creates an empty argument where she might be thinking "but I do respect you and I don't know what your problem is." So maybe next time she makes a disparaging remark - stop her right there and tell her in the moment that what she just said is disrespectful to you.

    If that doesn't work or if you've already tried that, then quite frankly you have nothing to work with. Meaning that she really doesn't care if she hurts you. In that case you have a more serious hard question to answer for yourself - do you really want to stay in this relationship?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,725
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    When you try to talk to her, how do you approach it? If you say something generic like "I feel disrespected" - it's really impossible for her, or anyone, to understand what your specific problem is and what they might be doing to cause it. It just creates an empty argument where she might be thinking "but I do respect you and I don't know what your problem is." So maybe next time she makes a disparaging remark - stop her right there and tell her in the moment that what she just said is disrespectful to you.

    If that doesn't work or if you've already tried that, then quite frankly you have nothing to work with. Meaning that she really doesn't care if she hurts you. In that case you have a more serious hard question to answer for yourself - do you really want to stay in this relationship?
    I've found this to be very effective (using specific examples).

    Also paired with a technique that Andrina has mentioned in the past on a different thread and I've also observed works: Phrase your feedback with "I" comments not "you" comments. For example, "I need a moment here because what just happened has hurt me a lot." or "I am in a bit of shock because of the things that were just said." Let the other person respond.

    Keep in mind that when things escalate or are so bitter and dysfunctional that shouting matches occur or people are in the habit of perpetually brushing off or disregarding each other (not listening anymore), the timing may be off or maybe neither of you know how to communicate or have forgotten how to communicate respectfully with one another.

    I think it's best to cool it at that time, go your separate ways or separate parts of the house or hang up the call with respect and agree to come back to this at a better time. It doesn't always work as smoothly with hurt feelings but try doing it with as much grace and kindness you can muster. The other person might be rude to you but don't internalize it.

    I'd do some serious thinking then about whether you both are able to communicate in general or whether either of you want to be together or see a future with each other. Openly disregarding concerns and ridiculing a partner or lack of care does constitute emotional abuse over time. Break the cycle and stop accepting that kind of influence in your life if that's the case.

    Do you feel like you both are in a relationship based on comfort? You're comfortable with each other, not necessarily liking or enjoying your time together?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,928
    Gender
    Female
    I refer to the man that i love as "my guy" here -- i say it very affectionately. The reason i do is a further level of anonymity - no one knows if we are dating, engaged, married or have a wholly different situation. I don't think he meant any disrespect referring to her as "my woman" - i took it like i am using "my guy"

    If you are in no hurry to get married and she keeps talking marriage, i would be brutally honest. "I don't want to get married at this point in my life. if you really want to get married in the next year or two, i am not your guy."

    Also, you deserve someone that respects you (not "obey", but does not insult your intelligence in front of others, etc.) If you respect someone, you don't talk about how they can't protect you or that they aren't very bright.
    I mean, imagine a lifetime of that...

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Videos


Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems

Friendship Between Men and Women Often Involves Attraction

Infidelity
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •