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Thread: What should I do after my boyfriend only said ' Happy birthday' and that's it?

  1. #1
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    What should I do after my boyfriend only said ' Happy birthday' and that's it?

    You know how a significant part of birthday joy is your close people cherishing and making you happy, by showing you how important you are to them? My boyfriend has always claimed how much he loves me and how he wanna spend his lifetime with me. We are in a long distance relationship and I have made lots of sacrifices neglecting my pride so far and he still does things even though I have asked him not to.
    But on my birthday, everything escalated. When my special day came, I didn't expect gifts or material stuff from him (although I have sent him present just without a special event) but at least expected wishes that manifest his love making me special on my special day. In return, while most of the people EVEN STRANGERS wished me tons of things, my boyfriend who ''wants to spend his life with me'' only told me ''Happy birthday'' and absolutely nothing more.. which made me feel awful because he is one of the most important people of my life and at least, I was expecting him to wish me something, say that he loves me and stuff.. and not just ''Happy birthday'' as if we are strangers. And we haven't had any fights or something... I asked him if something is wrong and he said no.. even I have sent him present in the future just out of nothing while now, he only said ''Happy birthday'' and not a single wish, care, and love... When I shared this with him he was so surprised acting like ''2 more words mean nothing'' making me feel as if it's my fault and I'm petty.. and eventually saying things like ''Sorry for not making you happy on your b-day'' but he didn't mean them it was kinda sarcastic as if he was mad AT ME?! And when I told him that I am sad because of what he did, then he just wished me a goodnight and almost hung up... I really can't believe how he made me feel on my day after it was his fault...he ruined my special day plus made me feel petty and needy. Please give me your advice do you think I'm right to feel awful and sad because of what he did? Even if I barely trust men, I trusted him because of all that he has told me about how much he loves me and want to spend his life with me.. I thought he was a good guy respecting me and now it looks like I am not important to him and he doesn't care.. The fact the even though I have had more than 1 conversation just asking him not to do something easy because it's difficult for me to do it he never actually put the effort to even wake up on time to have more time to talk and stuff... while at the same time always saying that he loves me, misses me and stuff... and pretty much, I felt that my sacrifices are way bigger than his...

    What hurts me the most (even though I know that I shouldn't blindly believe in men's words) is the fact the he seemed a different guy that really care for his girlfriend, not a womanizer (which I hate) and stuff. When I mean dignity, I was talking about neglecting my own feelings and needs after he is not changing his behaviour which hurts me before.. and I keep doing sacrifices just because apart from the actions, he is really kind, gentle to me, says that he loves me, misses me, and even wants us to have a family. AND at the same time, even though I have told him to change something that affects our communication (something actually easy like waking up on time so that I don't force myself to be up late night) he keeps sleeping late making excuses and since I don't feel good to always remind him, I neglect my own sleeping schedule ans stay up late just to talk to him resulting in me being constantly exhausted and emotionally/psysically drained... but apart from these things (which are not something small at all), when we talk, he is kind, we laugh, he compliments me, says that he loves me, wants to be with me for the rest of his life and stuff.. and all those things make me extremely confused, sad and bad.. because i don't know if I'm even right or no anymore.. and what do do..

    Should I finally leave him after this situation and then the lack of understanding plus his behaviour because I know that he won't say sorry and even text me again until I do it?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He's obviously not the very caring man you had envisioned and hoped for. You need to either accept him the way he is or break up. He's not a man of many words when it comes to your birthday and text. Some people or some men are just that way. And their talk is cheap because they whisper sweet nothings in your ear but when it's your special day, they yawn and don't care about your feelings which is cold.

    Your relationship is lopsided. You do way more for him than he does for you. There is no balance nor mutual care. You make sacrifices, you give, he takes and he doesn't put forth any effort for you. He never reciprocates which is unfair. In other words, he's self-centered and selfish. He only cares about himself and doesn't put for the effort to do anything for you. He only texts or says "Happy Birthday" as if you're an acquaintance. I'd be disappointed, hurt and angry if I were you, too.

    He will not change for you. This is his personality. Take it or leave it. I'd leave it and him if I were you!

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by raquellexxx
    Should I finally leave him after this situation and then the lack of understanding plus his behaviour because I know that he won't say sorry and even text me again until I do it?
    Yes, because it sounds like you're really the only one who cares if this relationship works out or not.

  4. #4
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    Itís nice that he wished you a happy birthday , didnít forget etc.
    It would have been nice of you to simply thank him.

    Just because you like to show your love in the form of gifts , doesnít mean he does.

    Google the five love languages.

    I think you berate him for things he doesnít even understand where you are coming from.
    And while he might thank you for a gift you send , it might not mean for him what you intend it to mean.

    So while you might treat him with a hot air balloon ride for his birthday , he might have just wanted a simple happy birthday text. When he sends you a simply happy birthday text , you go off at him for not organising a hot air balloon ride.

    You can of course communicate your feelings to him on this , but maturely.
    But if you speak a different love language then you need to be aware of this and adjust your possibly unrealistic expectations and weigh up whatís actually important to you.

    If you like grand gestures , then be with someone that does that. But also realise that a guy who will do that might not fulfill other needs this guy does provide.

    Itís up to you to decide whatís important to you , not any of us.

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  6. #5
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    I never said I wanted ''gifts'' and ''grand gestures''?! But only just a care, attention, and love. Not just a simple verbal ''Happy birthday'' as if we are strangers. I definitely don't think those are unrealistic expectations.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by raquellexxx
    I never said I wanted ''gifts'' and ''grand gestures''?! But only just a care, attention, and love. Not just a simple verbal ''Happy birthday'' as if we are strangers. I definitely don't think those are unrealistic expectations.
    My comment was hyperbole.
    As I said google the five love languages.
    That might help you to understand.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    lol wait did you seriously just go off on him after he said "happy birthday?"

  9. #8
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    How much time do the two of you spend together in person? Not over an electronic device but actually in person?

    And what are the plans for you two to be physically together?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? How often do you see each other? Why is it long distance? Stop being a martyr and "making sacrifices". It seems you are over invested and he is not as into this as you are. Instead reflect if you are compatible.
    Originally Posted by raquellexxx
    We are in a long distance relationship
    But on my birthday, everything escalated.. and not just ''Happy birthday'' as if we are strangers. saying things like ''Sorry for not making you happy on your b-day''

    I was talking about neglecting my own feelings and needs after he is not changing his behaviour which hurts me before..
    I neglect my own sleeping schedule ans stay up late just to talk to him

  11. #10
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    I can understand your frustration, but grilling someone over it doesn't get you very far. Did he used to make more of an effort on your birthday and now it stopped? How long have you been together? Maybe birthday's aren't important to him.

    I second Billie's idea of taking a look at the 5 Love Languages. Really good book with incredible insight!

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