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Thread: What should I do after my boyfriend only said ' Happy birthday' and that's it?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You and he value different things. Birthdays are a big deal to you, to him, they obviously aren't.

    Would most women expect a gift or to have something special done for them on their birthday? YES..they'd be lying if they say otherwise.

    He's not the guy who's going to be doing anything great or romantic for you on your birthday. It's up to you to decide if that's a deal breaker or not.
    But I think most women would find it insulting.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    As for whatever country he is from, that shouldn't have any bearing on dating him or not. Because then it does sound like you're wanting him for a visa.

    Perhaps that's why he did nothing? He was feeling used. In any case, your 'relationship' is over. He doesn't care.
    You need to find another guy.

  3. #23
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    No and no again. I said in my last message - this country doesn't even need a visa or someone to help you. Even if it did, I would never use someone. The thing was that I was imagining living there with him finally finding the right guy and together, we will live peaceful, calm life full of love...

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by raquellexxx
    You guys, I can't describe how thankful I am for your answers and pieces of advice on this hard time for me. I have been reading all of them carefully absorbing them.

    Lastly, I wanna share with you that since that happened, I have been torturing myself why is it SO EXTREMELY difficult for me to leave him even after all these clear red flags and signs... You know what I discovered?

    1) Mainly because I have issues in my family, I was craving for love, calmness, peace, and care. And I somehow i thought I found the resquing in him assuming that he was my SHELTER and safe place and therefore, I was ignoring the signs.

    2) The other reason for feeling it so hard to leave him is the fact that I've always loved his country (I've never been with him because of that since actually, there was something that I was missing in him that I couldn't find). But with time, I began imagining and assuming that I will go from my life now (hell) to his country with him living happy, loving, peaceful life together (heaven). Please, get me right - it's not about immigration or money since I wouldn't ever use someone for such purpose. I can still go to that country but I thought that I finally found the right guy who will just respect, care, and love me. And that's a perfectly different picture - not just going alone but going there and starting a happy relationship/family with him was like a dream come true to me...

    Although I discovered the reasons why it's so painful to me, I can't still take it lightly, stop feeling sorry and I want to save myself to get over him easier and get rid of the awful thought that I am having now - "I am leaving the heaven and going back to hell"? Could you please give me an advice? I would be beyond thankful for each sentence!
    It sounds to me that you are romanticizing this relationship way too much due to dissatisfaction with your current circumstances. Unfortunately, few partners can live up to this level of fantasy. A relationship may enrich your life and make it wonderful in many ways, but it cannot turn an otherwise horrible life 180 around and make it perfect. You will probably feel much happier if you address the problems in your life first before entering a relationship. Distance yourself from toxic family, become financially and emotionally independent, improve your career, make good friends and develop healthy hobbies. When you feel comfortable with your own life you wouldn't put so much hope on a man and feel the need to hang on as if he's the only light in your world. You will notice all the red flags and move on swiftly if he doesn't treat you right.

    What do you mean you've never been with him? Have you ever met in person or is it a purely online relationship? If you can easily go to his country without his help, why not just go and visit? It can be also exciting to move to a new country without any existing ties - you are fully open and available to explore, to meet new people, and to date guys who will probably treat you much better than your long-distance boyfriend.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SophiaG
    It sounds to me that you are romanticizing this relationship way too much due to dissatisfaction with your current circumstances. Unfortunately, few partners can live up to this level of fantasy. A relationship may enrich your life and make it wonderful in many ways, but it cannot turn an otherwise horrible life 180 around and make it perfect. You will probably feel much happier if you address the problems in your life first before entering a relationship. Distance yourself from toxic family, become financially and emotionally independent, improve your career, make good friends and develop healthy hobbies. When you feel comfortable with your own life you wouldn't put so much hope on a man and feel the need to hang on as if he's the only light in your world. You will notice all the red flags and move on swiftly if he doesn't treat you right.

    .
    Exactly, Sophia. The very best advice! Be comfortable with and love yourself first and foremost. Always.

    Raquelle, take the good honest advice you are getting on here

  7. #26
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    Unfortunately, I finally broke up with him and he didn't even try to understand and realize what I told him, not to mention that he didn't even say sorry. He was acting as if in my eyes "he did nothing for me" and that's it.. my last requests for an advice for you are:

    1) I know he didn't play with me on 100% and part of the powerful words he was telling me were honest. But most of his actions were showing the opposite. What do you thing was it from his side? Emotional inmature, lack of feeling to put his priorities, 50/50 behaviour, not that into me although all the words, or gaming addiction?

    I know it's over but I want to know what was all about and what was that on his side.. From what I told you in this thread, what's your opinion?

    2) Do you think that is normal when a man never reach out after a fight? From what I know from my friends, that's also a bad sign that shows that he doesn't care that much + has a huge ego.. and in normal successful relationships, if you really love your partner, you can't wait to reunite and not be in bad terms anymore. And usually, reaching out should be from both sides, and not always from the one partner (me in our case), even when the opposite partner is wrong?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately he was just not that interested. The long distance, personalities, etc. You could analyze this, but the facts are you over-invested and he was indifferent.

    There is a very valuable lesson in this relationship postmortem. That is do not chase indifferent men. It's that simple.
    Originally Posted by raquellexxx
    reaching out should be from both sides, and not always from the one partner (me in our case), even when the opposite partner is wrong?

  9. #28
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    I would assume he just wasn't that into you and also knew you were more into him than you were. I'm sorry.

  10. #29
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    I agree with the posters above - he lost interest in you, unfortunately.

  11. #30
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    I don't know why I feel so sad, lonely and awful after this.. missing him like crazy...even though I know his words were more than his actions, that he put me after games and stuff, didn't respect me, and just wasn't for me, something in me still says "Did I make a mistake? Should I text him to ask him if he still wants me, if he still wants to continue being together with me?"

    And I know he didn't play with me on 100% and part of the powerful words he was telling me were honest. People and relationship gurus always say that men always come back and even try to FIGHT for you even though they were f****boys. But why he accepted my goodbye words and didn't even put an effort to ask me if this was my final decision or something? Not to mention to fight for us..

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