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Thread: What should I do after my boyfriend only said ' Happy birthday' and that's it?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by raquellexxx
    The fact the even though I have had more than 1 conversation just asking him not to do something easy because it's difficult for me to do it he never actually put the effort to even wake up on time to have more time to talk and stuff... while at the same time always saying that he loves me, misses me and stuff... and pretty much, I felt that my sacrifices are way bigger than his...

    What hurts me the most (even though I know that I shouldn't blindly believe in men's words) is the fact the he seemed a different guy that really care for his girlfriend, not a womanizer (which I hate) and stuff. When I mean dignity, I was talking about neglecting my own feelings and needs after he is not changing his behaviour which hurts me before.. and I keep doing sacrifices just because apart from the actions, he is really kind, gentle to me, says that he loves me, misses me, and even wants us to have a family. AND at the same time, even though I have told him to change something that affects our communication (something actually easy like waking up on time so that I don't force myself to be up late night) he keeps sleeping late making excuses and since I don't feel good to always remind him, I neglect my own sleeping schedule ans stay up late just to talk to him resulting in me being constantly exhausted and emotionally/psysically drained
    I think your birthday disappointment is the symptom of bigger problems in the relationship.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I think your birthday disappointment is the symptom of bigger problems in the relationship.
    I agree. Also and separately I'd evaluate your expectations about your birthday/special occasions.Sounds like you place a lot of emphasis on how someone else should "make you feel" -what do you do for yourself to celebrate personal accomplishments or your birthday? I see a lot of posts that seem to expand what is expected from friends and loved ones - posts on facebook I mean -like "birthday weekend" and "gender reveal party" and now all the birthday parades where I see in at least one people tossing presents outside the car -etc. Do you truly need all of that -or is it triggered by what you read on social media or what your friends tell you you "should" expect?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    if the words don't match the actions.....He butters you up by telling you what you want to hear then gets lazy. Nice guy.

    IMO if it doesn't feel right, get out.

  4. #14
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    Happy belated birthday!

    It doesn't matter what love language you both speak, he just sounds lazy and complacent IMO. If you used to celebrate each other's birthday and get each other gifts it's not "unrealistic expectation" to expect him to reciprocate. Some people are fine with just a text; some people don't even remember their own birthdays. But it should be based on mutual understanding, i.e., if he knows you don't care about birthdays and you both agreed to not celebrate then what he did would have sufficed. That is obviously not the case for you. He just decided to make the minimal effort and when you are disappointed he got mad. He sounds like the very opposite of a caring, thoughtful boyfriend.

    From what you describe of your relationship though, this birthday disappointment might be the smallest of your problems. All you said about his good traits are what he says: him telling you he loves you and wants to start a family with you. Remember words are cheap. Even if he does love you and wants to marry you, do you really want to spend the rest of your life in an endless series of disappointments like this? Because it will not get better. He doesn't care about your feelings and needs, or he would have at least listened to your complaints and tried to do what it takes to please you on your birthday.

    Don't make "sacrifices" for him. Why do you have to stay up late to talk to him? If he is not willing to adjust his schedule to make time to talk with you, he doesn't care about the relationship. Don't be the only person dragging the relationship forward. Stop treating him as the top priority in your life as he doesn't prioritize you. He doesn't appreciate your "sacrifices," you are just building up resentment toward him.

    I would leave him if I were you. The relationship sounds very dissatisfying. Why do you "barely trust men" though? Don't let your bf or a few exes define your perception of men. There are probably as many reliable, trustworthy men in this world as there are loving and caring women. But you have to lose the lousy ones before you can find a good one.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SophiaG
    Happy belated birthday!

    It doesn't matter what love language you both speak, he just sounds lazy and complacent IMO. If you used to celebrate each other's birthday and get each other gifts it's not "unrealistic expectation" to expect him to reciprocate. Some people are fine with just a text; some people don't even remember their own birthdays. But it should be based on mutual understanding, i.e., if he knows you don't care about birthdays and you both agreed to not celebrate then what he did would have sufficed. That is obviously not the case for you. He just decided to make the minimal effort and when you are disappointed he got mad. He sounds like the very opposite of a caring, thoughtful boyfriend.

    From what you describe of your relationship though, this birthday disappointment might be the smallest of your problems. All you said about his good traits are what he says: him telling you he loves you and wants to start a family with you. Remember words are cheap. Even if he does love you and wants to marry you, do you really want to spend the rest of your life in an endless series of disappointments like this? Because it will not get better. He doesn't care about your feelings and needs, or he would have at least listened to your complaints and tried to do what it takes to please you on your birthday.

    Don't make "sacrifices" for him. Why do you have to stay up late to talk to him? If he is not willing to adjust his schedule to make time to talk with you, he doesn't care about the relationship. Don't be the only person dragging the relationship forward. Stop treating him as the top priority in your life as he doesn't prioritize you. He doesn't appreciate your "sacrifices," you are just building up resentment toward him.

    I would leave him if I were you. The relationship sounds very dissatisfying. Why do you "barely trust men" though? Don't let your bf or a few exes define your perception of men. There are probably as many reliable, trustworthy men in this world as there are loving and caring women. But you have to lose the lousy ones before you can find a good one.
    I agree with SophiaG!

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    So many times we want to look at someone as wrong or right. But he didnt forget. As someone else said...

    Unfortunately what he did do was not what you wanted or expected.

    I doubt you can change this about him. Which means you have a choice to make: accept him as is or move on.

    Don't feel bad or anything he or anyone else says about it being materialistic or whatever.

    If you want a guy that makes a bigger effort for your bday, then you deserve that.

    Long distance sucks anyway. It rarely works out. Get a local guy.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Please next time don't stay up late to speak with him. Go to bed early if you need to be up early for your own reasons. Take care of yourself better. If the both of you only catch up every other day or a few times a week, so be it.

    I think you are way too available.

    Cut it back and let him come to you. Get more sleep.

    You'll think more clearly, feel better about yourself and you might not be so irritable overall. If you really are very unhappy, don't stay with this person but from the sounds of it this guy doesn't sound that bad from the way you described his other qualities.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If my boyfriend, fiance or husband only gave me a lukewarm 'Happy Birthday' text to me after I've done a lot for him for so many times, I'd feel slighted and would feel that he took the easy route. Face it, some guys are just plain lazy. It requires too much thought, work, effort and care to make you feel special.

    Since your boyfriend doesn't reciprocate, grow accustomed to it. Accept him the way he is or choose another man who knows how to treat you right especially on days when you want to feel important, wanted, thought about and cared for. It's called being considerate and unselfish.

    Know that a lot of men aren't into expressing their feelings verbally or in written form. Many of them don't bother to give you a bouquet of flowers, greeting card, gifts nor anything. They consider your birthday just another day despite your making his birthday important. On your birthday (or holidays, anniversaries), they simply yawn. They think it's not a big deal which I agree with you, it's hurtful.

    There needs to be a mutual understanding if you want him to make you feel as if you matter, too. If he's not willing to go the extra mile for you, your birthday will only amount to a short text year after year. Live with it or dissolve the relationship. The choice is yours.

  10. #19
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    You guys, I can't describe how thankful I am for your answers and pieces of advice on this hard time for me. I have been reading all of them carefully absorbing them.

    Lastly, I wanna share with you that since that happened, I have been torturing myself why is it SO EXTREMELY difficult for me to leave him even after all these clear red flags and signs... You know what I discovered?

    1) Mainly because I have issues in my family, I was craving for love, calmness, peace, and care. And I somehow i thought I found the resquing in him assuming that he was my SHELTER and safe place and therefore, I was ignoring the signs.

    2) The other reason for feeling it so hard to leave him is the fact that I've always loved his country (I've never been with him because of that since actually, there was something that I was missing in him that I couldn't find). But with time, I began imagining and assuming that I will go from my life now (hell) to his country with him living happy, loving, peaceful life together (heaven). Please, get me right - it's not about immigration or money since I wouldn't ever use someone for such purpose. I can still go to that country but I thought that I finally found the right guy who will just respect, care, and love me. And that's a perfectly different picture - not just going alone but going there and starting a happy relationship/family with him was like a dream come true to me...

    Although I discovered the reasons why it's so painful to me, I can't still take it lightly, stop feeling sorry and I want to save myself to get over him easier and get rid of the awful thought that I am having now - "I am leaving the heaven and going back to hell"? Could you please give me an advice? I would be beyond thankful for each sentence!

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by raquellexxx
    I want to save myself to get over him easier and get rid of the awful thought that I am having now - "I am leaving the heaven and going back to hell"? Could you please give me an advice? I would be beyond thankful for each sentence!
    Well, is this relationship really heaven?

    I know you desperately want it to be, but the reality sure doesn't support that fantasy.

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